The Writers' Circle

Found story bit hard to follow. Why did story teller go to Japan?

Hi I am snow Cone check out my new story it is just the begining but what ever

LOVE,

Snow Cone

I enjoyed your story, it shows good imagination and a promise for better things.  The only criticism I have is that it could be a whole lot better if you spent just a little more time in pruning and polishing what you have written. Good Luck  Rowland

Hi KeiraRae!

I hope you don't mind or anything, but I've taken your story (which I admit, is pretty good, it keeps the reader there, and anyway, I've changed some stuff. Most of it's just punctuation or spelling miskakes, but I have edited a few words/phrases but I've tried to keep them to a minumum as I don't want to seem control-freakish or picky.

My mother didn't want me. Why would she? I've never had a single successful foster home. I've been bounced around since I was born. Along with my brother - but he doesn't matter anymore, really.
         This is my fiftieth foster home. Not that you could call it that; all the foster rents do is cash in on the well-fare checks. Anyway there are six of us here, me being the oldest. I take care of them all; don't get me wrong, it's all right! I still have time to be a teenager.
          Regarding my real family, all I know is that I have a half-brother with the same color hair as me. I also have a picture of roughly half the family. It's really big! I really wonder what it's like to have such a big family; one that even loves you.
          Ms.M&M's (her name is M&M's b\c of her initials Macie Moreland) came to practice today, (she's my social worker) meaning that I've been transferred again. My new family, it's weird they actually want me. Meaning: they're not getting paid anything they're just keeping me. Plus they're my real family. I'll be living with my half-brother; who's a year older than me (so he's sixteen).
           There's only one problem: I have to move to Japan! It's not that I don't know the language; it's just I'm scared of moving there.
              S.W.A.K., Shane-Marie x

                         Dear guys,
              We've just landed in Japan! I have an interpreter too. It's okay though I'd rather have him as ago-between Ms.M&M's here too! (Thank God!)
               I'm really nervous about meeting the new peeps...Oh crap!! They're here! I'll talk more later.
                             
*Later; the same day*

         Meeting my brother was really cool. It was kinda funny too. He was looking at me; you know sizing me up then he goes, "Why you gotta an interpreter when you can speak Japanese?" I respond, "Why you sizin' me up?" He laughed at that. We just kept talkin' after that. He was pretty cool we were really hitting it off.
          My brother and I just kept talkin all the way back to the car. He was just asking me a bunch of questions. (All in a mix of Japanese and English)Things like my favorite animal (horse), Zodiac sign (Aries), and my favorite colors (blue and black).
          Then he started asking some questions about my personal life which gave a 'none of your damn business' look to stop him firing them all at me. I was so glad when I looked out the window it as was gorgeous!
          S.W.A.K., Shane-Marie x

I didn't really get the Ms.M&M's bit, it was kind of confusing. But I really enjoyed your story.


Thank you,
Jessie122

P.S. I really hope you didn't mind me doing all that!