The Writers' Circle

Daniel looked down at the floor of the courtroom sullen, unmoving. His father stood quietly by him as the judge reviewed the charges.  
"Petty theft. Trespassing.Vandalism. You are becoming quite the experienced felon for a young man of 15." said the judge peering over his dark framed bifocals. "At least you spared the court from a waste of time and money by pleading guilty to the charges."  
He drew a breath as flipped through the paperwork, hurriedly thumbing through the pages.  "Hmmm, yes, yes, yes.  I see a very troubled future for you young man if you continue on this path."
Daniel shifted his slight weight on his legs.  He was annoyed.  He hated being called "young man" or "boy".  He felt it was condescending. The judge eyed Danny, watching the smirk slowly fade from his face.
"You seem quite proud of yourself young man. I think we need to take your pride down a few pegs this time and teach you something."  Danny glanced up meeting the judge's piercing stare.
"30 days in youth detention.  2 years probation.  And.." He dragged out the words.  It was a complete waste of time in Danny's mind.  He hated when people dragged out their words.  
"Just spit it out" Danny mumbled. 
"A complete summer of community service.  You are to serve 8 weeks helping those you have wronged. Namely the seniors' home you broke into. You will assist the staff there.  Of course you will not be touching or helping the seniors themselves. You will learn to respect your elders. You will be cleaning up after them."  A loud crack echoed through the courtroom as he slammed down his gavel.  He broke the handle much to his own surprise.
   Danny grimaced.  The gavel didn't scare him.  His 30 days, his probation.  That was a cakewalk. But, he hated old people. His impending summer filled him with disgust. "Why don't those old farts just hurry up and die?" he thought as he was led out by the bailiff. The judge stared at him as he left.

Danny's time in detention slowly drifted along.  Danny thought he would never get out of there.  The food sucked. The forced schoolwork was a royal pain.  He didn't make any friends there.
  Danny was always slow to trust.  He was the youngest of four kids.  He siblings were already out of the nest, making lives of their own. He was the last one at home.  Danny felt his father hated him for it. His mother, well, she had passed away 3 years before in a car accident.  She was killed by a drunk driver on the way to pick up Danny from his hockey game.  He quit after that.  He blamed himself for her death. Had he not been playing hockey, she would not have been on the road to go get him. Had she not been on the road that night, she would not have been killed. Therefore, he reasoned, he was the cause of her death.
  Danny was never the same after that.  He fell in with the wrong crowd of boys. His talent for squeezing through small windows, jimmying doors open, and climbing any fence was valued highly by his new friends.  They introduced to stealing, committing small robberies to pass the time. He actually felt like he belonged with them. A feeling that he didn't get at home lately.
  Danny waited at the front door of the detention facility for his father to pick him up. He was late as usual. Danny hated how is Father was always late. It was always the same excuse.  Work needed him too much and he just couldn't leave. "There are more important things than work, like your family for example." Danny's mom would always say to him. He'd always shrug it off like it didn't matter.
His old Ford drove up to the administration centre finally. His father never even looked in his direction as he proceeded to fill out the forms to sign to get his son back at the desk. The guard and the counselor ushered Danny towards his dad.
"Mr.Gregory MacDonald I assume?" His dad just nodded as he shook the counselor's hand. 
"He's made good progress in our sessions since he arrived." Danny rolled his eyes in disbelief.  They hadn't accomplished anything. He became very adept at saying what the counselor wanted to hear.  He was so easy to read.
  Danny ignored their conversation staring at an ant that scurried around on the floor, his antennae twitching.  The ant strayed in Danny's direction.  Danny grinned as he lined up his foot over the ant from his perch on the chair.  He was about to proclaim victory at snuffing out this insignificant life when his father's hand grabbed him by the back of the collar on his jacket, lifting him from the chair.
"Lets go boy." His father said.  "Get in the car."
Danny struggled to see where the ant went as his father pushed him out the door.  He finally saw it.  There it was at the edge of the doorframe, stopped as if it was getting it's bearings. The door swung shut finally crushing the small creature against the frame.  Danny smiled.  A small victory he thought, but a victory none the less.
The ride home was unremarkable except for the awkward silence.  Danny wished he could put the radio on but he dared not move for fear of getting any kind of a reaction from his father.  He preferred him silent.  It was less stressful that way.
They pulled up in front of his house, his father jamming the brakes on as he always did when he was annoyed. 
"I assume you had supper there?" his father asked abruptly. "yes sir." Replied Danny weakly.
"Good. Get inside and up to your room now.  I don't want to see you until tomorrow." 
Danny trudged with his bag up the stairs.  He was glad to be back in his own room again.  He hadn't realized how much he actually missed it until he saw its door.  As he swung the door open, he barely recognized his room.  The same family photos were there but his posters of his favorite superheroes were gone.  His laundry was cleaned up.  His skateboard, his bat, his glove were all gone.  He sat on the edge of the bed dejected at the loss.  He frantically turned to the shelf above his bed.  There was his mother's photo still in place.  A wave of relief swept over him as he saw her little teddy bear she left him next to the picture. He gingerly picked it up and brought it close to him.  He dared not hug it.  It was much older than he was. There was a little paper red heart doubled over pinned to the chest of the bear. He slowly opened the brittle paper reading the note inside.
 "Always remember that I love you.  No matter where you go or what you do, I will be with you in your heart.  Love Mom."
A small tear dripped down Danny's cheek. He choked out the words, "I love you too mom."  He gently placed the bear back down next to her picture. After he got undressed, he got into bed, turned out the light, and gently blew a kiss up to his mother's picture.
The next morning his father woke him up early.  "Get downstairs boy.  Your breakfast is on the table."  Danny slowly made his way down the stairs and to the kitchen.  He lazily spread jam on his bread as his father breezed into the kitchen.
"Get dressed after breakfast.  Today is your orientation day at the senior's home for your community service. Don't embarrass me and stay out of trouble.  I want this to go well for your sake and mine.  Honestly I don't understand you most days. You were doing great in school. You were doing so well in hockey and baseball.  You never got into trouble.  I know your mother's death was hard on you but it was hard on all of us.  Your brothers and sister got over it eventually and so did I.  We miss her but we've moved on. You weren't the only one who lost her you know."
Danny instantly flew into a rage.  "You liar! You never paid much attention to her. You were always at work. The others moved away from her and left her.  They didn't need her. They never called her to even ask how she was doing. I wasn't done growing up yet. You have a new girlfriend. You've replaced Mom. I don't want a new mom! I was the only one that really lost her because the rest of you didn't want her!"
  Danny found it hard to hold back the tears but he did. He hated for his father to see him cry. Not because it embarrassed him.  He thought his father enjoyed seeing him break down so he always tried to deny him the pleasure of it to spite him.
His father rested his arms on the table.  He shook his head and stared at Danny for a few seconds.
"Its' always the same argument with you. It never changes.  I'm not wasting time on this today.  Get dressed.  Were' going in 20 minutes."
Danny tossed his dishes in the sink from the table. He could hear the plate breaking as he walked away. His father muttered "Oh for god's sake! Another one.  Your paying for this one!" he yelled as Danny fled up the stairs.

They pulled up outside the senior's home and parked in a handicap spot.  Danny pointed out "Hey Dad.  Way to go. You parked it in a handicap parking spot.  We don't have a tag."
"No, but we have you in the car and that should be enough!" his father shot back.
They made their way inside to the reception desk. 
 Danny's father announced who they were and the lady behind the desk smiled and said, "Ah this must be Danny.  I'm Elizabeth but you can call me Liz. I'll get Anne. She's the director here. She'll show you your new duties young man. Wait right here."
"Again with the young man crap!" Danny thought to himself. He fumed silently as she walked away.
They waited in silence at the front desk.  The place even smelled like old people to Danny. A few seniors were making their way around the facility as Danny watched. He hated them.  How slow they walked.  How feeble they looked.  "How could they even stand to live like that?" he thought. 
Danny watched as one of the old ladies walked towards the door shuffling along with her cane.  Her slippers made a low scraping noise as she walked.  As she tried to get the front door open a nurse rushed over and said, "Now Agnes, you know you can't go out there. Just turn around now and go watch TV or I'll have to send you to your room."  
Agnes bristled at this remark. "I'll have you know missy I can go where I damn well please.  You're not too old to put over my knee. You know very well I have to go find my daughter!"
"Agnes, Agnes. Calm down. We told you before that you don't have a daughter.  It's all in your head. Now go sit in the lounge and behave. Go."
Agnes grumbled and began a slow hobble to the lounge. As the nurse turned, Agnes stuck her cane out with surprising agility. It darted between the nurse's legs. The nurse tumbled to the floor with a loud thump. She looked up angrily at Agnes.  Agnes looked down and said, "Oh I'm sorry dear.  My cane slipped. You know us old ladies. Our motor skills aren't what the used to be." 
Agnes looked up as the director came into the room.  She watched her help the nurse to her feet.  Agnes shrugged her shoulders at her and began to move on.  She caught Danny smiling at her and threw him a wink.  She shuffled off into the lounge grinning from ear to ear.  Danny thought "Maybe they aren't all bad here."
Danny's father hit him in the shoulder and said "See, that's what you'll end up like if you don't learn anything here."
The director came over to Danny's father.  "I'm sorry for all that commotion. I'm the home's director, Anne."  She looked at Danny and said "Ah, you must be Danny.  We've been expecting you." 
"Who was that?" Danny asked. 
 "Oh that's just Agnes." said Anne.  "She's a bit senile. She thinks she has a lost daughter out there but she had no children and according to our records has no living relatives. She's just having a few problems with her memory. You'll get used to her."
She turned and motioned for Danny to follow.  "Now, you will be mostly performing general cleaning duties here. Sweeping and mopping the hallways, TV lounge, and the main reception area.  If we have some bulky things to move, we will ask you to help us out with that as well. I have the paperwork for the community service and I expect you to be here by 8:30 each morning.  You will be done each day by 2:30pm so it's not that long of a day. Don't worry about the seniors.  The staff will handle them." She smiled at Danny.  "Take a look around if you wish.  I have a few things to discuss with your father. You start tomorrow."
She turned away to talk to Danny's father.  Danny walked around the hallways a bit and then made his way to the TV lounge.  There Agnes sat watching an old western on TV.
She didn't look away from the TV as Danny approached.  "You must be the man that got in trouble and was sent here to do time with us."
Danny stopped.  He glanced around looking for an escape from the pointed question.  He didn't know that what he did was common knowledge around here.
"Well, kinda." he stammered. 
"Spit it out son.  Don't drag out your words.  It wastes people's time and I hate that." 
Danny liked Agnes a little bit more now. 
 "Yes I did get in trouble and I'm doing community service here all summer. I'm told that I'm here to help out since this was the place I broke into."
Agnes finally turned and looked at him abandoning the western on the tube. 
"Good Lord. Why would you break in here?"
"My friends wanted me to.  They wanted me to steal the medication from here so they could try to get high."
"You some kind of slow person? An idiot or something? Break into a hospital for that crap." Agnes retorted. 
Before Danny could defend himself, Agnes added, "You know this town well? You grow up here?"
"Yes but."
Agnes cut him off. 
"Good, you can help me get around this place. You know, out the front door so I can find my daughter"
Danny smiled weakly and thought carefully about his answer.
"I'm not allowed to really do anything with you guys. Judge's orders. I'm just supposed to clean. And the nurses said you don't have a daughter." Danny twinged. "Why did I add that last part?" he asked himself. "I was doing so well."
"Bah! They don't know a damn thing about me. I lost my daughter and I have to find her. I didn't make her up but these morons think I did. Bah! Damn quacks!
Agnes looked up at the TV again.  Danny said "Well then, I have to go. Sorry" 
As Danny turned to leave Agnes again stuck her cane out with surprising agility. It darted between Danny's feet. He stumbled but didn't fall. He looked back at Agnes. Not taking her eyes off of the TV, she said "Watch out, them floors are slippery in here. Trying to kill us and take our pensions I think." Danny shook his head and walked back to his dad.
"Well, were done here." Danny's father said to Anne. "I'll drop him off here tomorrow on my way to work."
"Good enough. Bye Danny." she said.

Danny showed up for work everyday after that at 8:30AM. His father saw to that.
As the first week dragged on, Danny watched Agnes repeatedly aggravate the nurses. And the more time he spent watching her, the better he liked her. She didn't care about authority either. She did things her own way.
Agnes passed Danny in the hallway as he was sweeping up one day.
"The Nazi guards here over working you?"
"No Ma'am.  Not too bad." Danny heard himself say it but couldn't believe it.  He never called anyone Ma'am since his mother died. Plus, he hated the work they gave him. "Why did I lie about that?" he thought to himself.
"Cut out the Ma'am crap kid. It sounds condescending and makes me feel old."
Danny began, "But you .." Agnes pointed her finger at Danny.
"Don't even" she said. 
Danny smirked and said "Yes Ma'am.". Agnes gave him a light tap up the back of his head.
"Next time I knock you out." she counseled.

Over the next few weeks, Danny and Agnes would talk more and more.  Danny got a kick out of the way Agnes would always try to trick the staff into letting her outside or just plain escape. He loved how she would annoy them until they ushered her to the lounge, or on bad days, her room.

One day Agnes slipped a piece of paper into Danny's hand.
"What is it?" he asked.
Its and address I want you to check out for me.  Go there after you finish today and let me know what's there."
"No problem I guess." Danny replied.
"Thank you and don't mention it to the staff."
"I promise I won't" Danny replied.
After work, Danny went to the address that Agnes had given him. He looked at the big white building that was there. It kind of looked a bit like a church but with three or four floors. He walked up to the sign big wooden double doors at the front of the Building. "Donaldson Memorial Mental Hospital" it read. Danny wondered what that had to do with Agnes. He shrugged his shoulders and left.

The next day Agnes cornered Danny in the TV lounge.
"Well, what was there?" Agnes asked.
"An old white building. The sign on the front doors said Donaldson Memorial Mental Hospital. It kinda of looked a bit like a church to me but with a few floors."
"Oh" said Agnes.  She looked dejected. 
"I need to be alone today. Goodbye"
Agnes never spoke of it again over the next week. 


Slowly at first, they began to talk about Agnes's childhood, her College years, and her dead husband Sam. Danny would talk to her about his family. Mostly how he hated his dad since his mom died, his older brothers and sister never having time for him, and how much he missed his mom.  
 Danny looked forward to his talks with Agnes everyday.  He found himself growing to like her more and more everyday.  Her life sounded so interesting to him.
Agnes asked one day "So, you never did tell me how your Mom died. How did your mother die Danny?" He told her everything about the accident and how he blamed himself.  
"Oh dear boy." Agnes said in a new soft voice Danny had never heard her use before, "Its not your fault she died. That wicked man driving the car that hit her was to blame. Even if she wasn't picking you up at hockey, she might very well have been doing something else that night that would have brought her out on that road."
Danny said, "Well I don't believe that but thanks anyways. I'm the only one that really lost anything that night.  Dad has a new girlfriend and my sister and brothers moved away from her after they grew up. They never paid much attention to her after that.  They're all like Dad.  Too busy working to care."
"Oh dear." Agnes said, "Danny, I am sure that you aren't the only one that feels that bad about her being gone."
"And what would you know about that?" Danny snapped back. "You got to spend your whole life with your husband before he died.  You didn't lose anything!"
Agnes shot back immediately. "Oh yes I have kid. I lost my daughter! So don't you play that guilt trip on me!" 
 "Oh I forgot. Your imaginary daughter?"
  Agnes looked at the floor.  Danny immediately felt bad about what he said.
Before Danny could apologize, Agnes slammed shut the door to her room in his face. Danny could hear her cry through the door.  He hadn't felt this bad since his mother died.
He left that day feeling about as low as he ever felt in his life.

The next day as Danny walked down the hall, Agnes abruptly opened her door and hooked Danny around the neck with her cane. She hauled him into her room.

Danny coughed and looked at her in disbelief. Danny stammered "I want to apologize fo..."
Agnes cut him off. "Shhh" she said.
Slowly, she began to speak. "Don't worry about yesterday. I owe you an explanation about my daughter I guess." 
"My daughter.  Well my first love as when I was 17. We just moved here because my father landed a job at the canning plant that used to be just down the road from this place. I got a job as a waitress in a little deli in town.  There was this young man, about 24 that ate lunch there everyday. Worked as a loan manager at the bank in town. Oh he was charming and handsome. Quite the joker. Although he was a few years older than me, we hit it off. We used to go for walks in the woods in the park not far from here after we finished work. Had a stream that ran right through it.  Beautiful place. One day he brought a blanket on our walk. Well, it was my first time, he was so gentle. Even though I only got to see him on our walks, things went very well. I was head over heels for him. Then, I began to be ill in the mornings. Couldn't keep things down you see. My mother took me to a doctor.  After a blood test, they told me I was pregnant. My parents were furious as I was only 17 and not married. They demanded to know who the father was but I was too terrified to tell them. I ran out of the house and made my way to his bank. Oh I thought things would be ok. I loved him and he loved me or so I thought. I surprised him that day at his work.  I really needed to talk to him. Much to my surprise, I saw a wedding ring on his hand. His wife was there with their two year old son. Yep, found out that he was married. He also found out something that day."
  Agnes stopped talking for a second. A pained look came over her face. "He dumped me right there. He denied that he knew me. Said I was some deranged kid. He said to get out and never come back to the bank." 
Tears welled up in Agnes's eyes. "I ran home and told my parents. I had no choice but to. My father said he would handle this catastrophe and forbid me to talk to anyone about it. I would go to the park occasionally over the months that followed. It was the only place I ever felt happy. When the time came to have the baby, my parents were there at the hospital of course.  It was a beautiful baby girl. Then I found out how my father handled the situation. He had the doctor put the name Jane Doe down as the mother. And ..."
Agnes sobbed now. "Enough!" I don't want to talk about it anymore! Out! Out!"
Danny left the room deeply saddened by the story.  He quietly shut the door.

Over the next few days Agnes became more and more vocal about finding her daughter.  The staff had quite a few problems with her.  Danny stayed out of the way and out of her business. He never told the staff what Agnes had told him.
When Danny was on the last day of completing his community service, he was surprised to see the police at the home as he started his day.  Danny asked Liz what was up.
"Oh my god, Agnes is missing!" she blurted out, visibly shaken.  Danny watched the police take details from the staff. He hated cops.  
A policeman asked Anne, "When was the last time someone saw her?
Anne replied, "Last night at 10:00PM. We do a bed check."
"Was there anything unusual about her behavior that evening?" the policeman asked.
"Well, she was very, very upset about not being able to find her daughter." Anne replied.
"Where is her daughter?" the policeman asked.
"Oh she doesn't have one.  It was all in her head.  She had a few problems upstairs. She can be quite senile at times"
Danny couldn't stand it.  "She did have a daughter!"
"Now, now. We all know that's not true Danny." Liz replied.
  Danny retold what Agnes told him to the police.  Anne jumped in "now if she had a baby, the birth would have been recorded and we do thorough patient history checks here.  We didn't find anything."
Danny shot back, "Her father had Jane Doe put on the birth certificate, that's why you couldn't find it!"
"No, no, no. Doctors and nurses don't do that. Oh, officer, he's the little felon that tried to rob this places a few months ago." Liz replied visibly angry now.
"Alright kid" the cop said "Enough, go back home."
 
Danny was fuming.  Danny went home and straight to his room. It was the only place he could feel happy when he was upset. Suddenly it came to him.
Danny ran out the door and down the road. He ran through several streets to get to the edge of town and the old park that Agnes loved so much.
Danny found Agnes at the edge of the stream, staring at the water as it slowly flowed by.
"Ah Danny." She said weakly, "Watch out, them leaves are slippery here. Trying to kill us and take our pensions I think." she said pointing at the trees. She managed a weak smile. Danny sat next to her on the bank of the stream. Agnes turned to look at him.
Danny said, "You look like you could use a hug."
"Ah, yes, that would be nice." Agnes replied.
"I'll bet you hugged your grandmother like this." Agnes said breaking the silence.  
"Well actually I didn't know my grandmother." Danny said glad to have a subject to focus on. 
"That's too bad." Agnes said. "Any grandmother would be lucky to have you as a grandson Danny.  
"You never did finish telling me about your daughter." said Danny trying to keep the conversation going.  
Agnes attempted a smile.  
"Ah, I guess I can tell you now. After I told my parents about the pregnancy and the married banker, they were very angry at me.  I carried the baby to full term and had a bouncing baby girl like I told you." Agnes continued, "They made me give her up." She choked out. "A few days after she was born, my father drove me to that address I gave you. Back then, it was an orphanage run by Nuns. I had to drop her off at the convent on the doorstep at midnight in a basket.  I rang a bell and left. The nuns took her in. At least she would be safe." Agnes looked away for a second. She found her strength again and continued.
  "I always wondered if she knew that I loved here although I gave her up. I bought her one thing for her before I gave her away. I bought her this little teddy bear and slipped it into the basket as I left her there. I pinned a little red paper heart to its chest and wrote a note inside."
 Danny blinked. "And it said.." Danny began "Always remember that I love you.  No matter where you go or what you do, I will be with you in your heart.  Love Mom"
Agnes shook and looked up at Danny amazed. "How did you know???"
"My mom gave me a little bear with a folded over red paper heart. It was very old.  She was raised at an orphanage. It was given to her new parents when she was adopted. They told her that her mother left it with her but they didn't know who she was." he stammered.
 "Oh my god" Agnes cried, "My grandson!" She held him as tight as she could, her heart melting.
 "She always said she knew that she was loved because of that bear. She gave it to me the week before she died and told me to keep it safe forever."
Agnes replied, "And we will my boy , we will."