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What happened on Warsam Lane stays a secret, OK? unfinished, opening paragraph. feedback needed by Hannah

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What happened on Warsam Lane stays a secret, OK? unfinished, opening paragraph. feedback needed

By Hannah | Posted: 06 June 2009

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In articles by Hannah
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It was still light outside when the sirens started, the children were still laughing, the mothers still chatting, the fathers still working. It was that time in suburbia when the world seemed finally to be fitting into place. Everyone was doing as they should be, nothing was out of place. Dinners were in the ovens ready for family supper, beds were made ready to be slept in, clothes were washed ready for school and suits pressed ready for the office. The large parade of wailing vehicles caused quite a stir amongst the residents of Warsam Lane; heads came out of gardens, windows, and cars to see exactly what had happened. It wasn't so much they all had nothing better to do or that they were nosey it was more the fact it was a highly unusual occurrence.
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Comments 
danielle
07 June 2009
Very intriguing! This paragraph makes me feel like the residents of Warsam Lane. I want to know what is happening too!

I especially like the use of repetition in the first line.
AVFreaky22
07 June 2009
I do love the paragraph but after "the mothers still chatting" there should be an 'and' instead of a comma. I would love to see what happens next! :)

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