| Rank | Most active authors |
 | 1 |
|
|
 | 2 |
|
|
 | 3 |
|
|
 | 4 |
|
|
 | 5 |
|
|
 | 6 |
|
|
 | 7 |
|
|
 | 8 |
|
|
 | 9 |
|
|
 | 10 |
|
|
 | 11 |
|
|
 | 12 |
|
|
 | 13 |
|
|
 | 14 |
|
|
 | 15 |
|
|
 | 16 |
|
|
 | 17 |
|
|
 | 18 |
|
|
 | 19 |
|
|
 | 20 |
|
|
 | 21 |
|
|
 | 22 |
|
|
 | 23 |
|
|
 | 24 |
|
|
 | 25 |
|
|
|
A bed for two
By
Hannah
| Posted:
22 February 2009
|
|
|
In articles by Hannah
|
|
|
|
|
|
Gently tugging at the string of her skimpy dress he slid it off her now bare slender shoulders, the smoothness of her creamy skin tingled when he touched it. She was silent as he lay her on the four poster medival bed, as they both crawled towards the pillow the rest of her silk dress was discardedd across it. She found his tie and shirt came of with no effort almost like they wanted to be off his tender body, pressing her lips against all the cuts on his torso he found the straps of her stockings. Her wavy ginger hair fell across the pillows as he rolled on top of her, with the very tip of his finger he traced the path of her pearl necklace around her neck until he found the soft curve of the base of her neck. She moved her hand towards the zipper in his pants until a forceful hand pulled her wrist onto the pillows. He kissed her eyes, her nose, her neck and finally her mouth...
"SARAH." Shit, I shook her violently she had to wake up "Baby, please wake up. Please baby girl I need you to wake up." Four minutes she'd been out, four fucking minutes surely she needed to wake up soon like a whale for air. Fucks sake stop thinking about bloody whale they were not going to wake her up, in the distance I could hear the sirens they must know by now. "Sorry baby girl, Please forgive me." I kissed the top of her head, gathered the rest of my things and left, leaving her there on the floor blood pouring from her skull. I was only just out of the back door when they came in, Medics first Cops' second they found her in a matter of minutes and began pushing on her chest trying desperately to get her to take in oxygen. I wanted so badly to scream at them, tell them everything but I couldn't they'd take me down. Taking one last look I ran, nowhere inparticular I just ran.
Mrs Davis was sitting in her gigantic lounge watching endless episodes of some pointless soap when the phone rang. It gave out a shrieking shril, which was followed in quick sucsession by another this time though it gave way to hysteric sobbing. She screamed, shouted and sobbed for the next hour calming for air every once in a while before continuing. It wasn't until she stumbled on the way upstairs that she found her solution. She kept it, had it there for over ten years never considered using it until now. When her whole world was crashing down, that was when she tried and tried until finally it worked.
All articles on this website by
Hannah are copyright ©Hannah and should not be reproduced
without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their
respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.
| Comments | |
|
|
PLEASE GIIVE ME SOME TIPS TO IMPROVE THIS :D
thanks
hannah x
|
|
|
You could probably improve this by stretching it out a bit more. You could introduce the characters some more at the start so the readers know what they are 'reading' about - does that make sense???
So, basically, my advice would be to expand the storyline a bit more - a troubled relationship at the start, a complete accident... Does any of what I'm saying make sense???? aaggh! god this is soooo frustrating....! anyway, so yeah, expand the storyline and you have a teenage hit in your hands!
Thanks,
Jessie122 :)
|
|
|
i think this works well being in short snippets of time, though i dont particularly like the last part, it seems a little forced and random. maybe more parts, i duno add up more interchanging scenes (maybe even in different times - like the past or watevr?) i like the writing tho, its very good, and i like the switch from third to first person (maybe more of this, if u expand it)
hope some of this helps, i really think u shud do more to this cus it could be great! thanks
|
|
Kudos
|
|
|
From 5 votes
|
|
|
|
|
Total posts: 17
|
|
Roles:
Writer
|
|
|
|
|
Welwyn Garden, UNITED KINGDOM
|
|
|
Comment on my article for ELLE.
|
|
|
|