Controlled freedom...(take 2) by blackrose

I am like the Ocean
cool and soothing like a lotion
when my mind is free
it's like poetry in pure motion.

I am like a robot
mechanical in my ways
when my mind is troubled
it's my logic that seems to pay.

I aim to be like water
I'll take on any form
I wish to be.
Because my freedom 
isn't free
if it ain't controlled
by me.

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Comments

blackrose

03 May 2009

I agree....i did have a middle stanza but wsnt sure it is any good so left it out

I think i'd like to make this one longer, elaborate a bit more I want it to reflect the varying emotions we can go through and that ultimately all we seek really is freedom in some way or another

thank you.....gonna get working on it..

xxx

zion613

04 May 2009

I enjoyed reading this.

Keep writing! ;)

blackrose

04 May 2009

ahhh thank you guys,

 that the one i wasnt too such about!

JD Higginson

04 May 2009

A great start and concept but unfortunately the final part jarred for me. Loved  the initial section, though.

Happy writing.

JD

poppy101

05 May 2009

I liked the contrast between the 1st and 2nd verse - the last one doesnt flow quite so well - good idea though.

Mima Wrigt

28 October 2009

I like this. It is smooth flowing and simple. Your aspiration or is hope 
comes across....

m n m n I

12 January 2010

I like your writing

My comment with this one:
What if you're not "like" 
but just be?

I want to feel your strength . . .

Also see: Universal Strength.x (blackrose) • It's in the eyes. (poppy101) • Spring-fever (zion613) • Not Today, And Not Like This (JD Higginson) • Little Fairy, Little Fairy (HatsW3ston) • The Savage (MisterI) • The Tease (JD Higginson) • Scene (TheDarkNarrator340) • The Weather (Reiner) • Grognoths and Grotworts (Reiner)

Kudos

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Writer blackrose	Total posts: 56
Roles: Writer

London, UNITED KINGDOM

Well what can I say....I love to write, I write poetry mainly but I have recently started to write a novel, which coming along slowly but surely!!!! (thanks to MyNovel Software!!!...) I am new to this ... (Read more)

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