My voice seems never to be heard, and my ideas feel like a pile of shit that people want to stay away from. My mom always says, "Quincy its ok maybe next time it will work out for you" but with my mom not knowing it's tearing me up inside. To understand what I'm going through and not how or what happened is what I want. So this is why I made this journal to keep with me all the time so I can get out all my emotions and start with a new beginning. My journey starts here! Saturday August 7, 2010
Reading my brother journal thought I found up stairs under a dusty old chest. As I read the first paragraph in the journal my mom called me down the stairs. Brushing off the dust off my black dress pants and whipping my eyes I started to head downstairs. On my way down stairs I tried to stay focused so I can make it to the living room without making contact with anyone. Gracefully moving through the crowd while women kissed me on my check and men patted my back I tried not to stop and talk. Almost halfway their I heard my mom talking to a group of people in the kitchen which had me curious onto what they were saying. Peeking over far enough so my ear so I could get a better understanding of what they were saying. " I never knew they were together" said the lady from next door. "Hey son!" said my Dad who came up from behind me to see what I was doing. " Come on son let's go talk to everyone" my dad said with a face I never seen before. "OK" I replied to him will we started walking back into the hallway where many of the people gathered to talk. I noticed many of the men weren't talking but their wives were the talking up a storm as women do so well. One by one I talked to each and discussed this girl my brother was seeing which I did not know much about this girl or who she was.
After 20 people I started to aim my way into the living room. Steps away from entering the living room a men stopped me and asked, "Do you know where Mina went.I did not know this person of whom this guy was talking about so I asked him," who is Mina?" The man grabbed my shoulders and pulled me to him with a force that I could feel me brain shift from front to back. Coming closer to my ear whispering softly," Find her, You need to find her before.." before the man could finish my dad yanked him away and said in a soft but firm tone,"this is not the time nor the place". The man apologized and left with his head facing the ground all the way out the door. " Dad, what was that about?" my dad knelled and said to me," Don't worry about anything,everything is going to be fine" my dad said with a concerned look on his face. As my dad left to talk to more people I started to walk into the living room which I never seen like this before. Almost unreal my heart was beating faster and faster every step I took until I saw it. Grabbing the edge which was cold metal I looked over to see him. My brother lying there with no sign of moving and once a person with so many ideas and so much to talk to is gone. My brother who I could talk to about anything has left me in this world to defend for myself. My eyes started getting teary and I could not hold back my pain." WAKE UP! WAKE UP! I need you so much" I yelled at the top of my lungs to where everyone stopped talking and stood outside the opening into the living room. My dad came in the living room and held me so tight and said," it will be okay son trust me." The pain was to great for me to believe what my dad said was true. But I still held on to him tightly crying onto his shoulder.
Noticing something was wrong I asked, "Dad where is mom?" Dad looked around the room and looked back at me and said, " I don't know but you stay right here and I'll go see where she is. Once my dad left the room I got back up to see my brother and just wondering why this had to happen to him."AHH!" dad yelled out loudly that everyone ran to see what happened. I ran to see why my dad was yelling I ran into the kitchen where I saw every heading outside to the shack in our backyard. Moving through the crowd trying to see what had happened I got to the entrance of the shack.............Oh My God........................................