Hello, I just started writing this book a few weeks ago, so I just want your honest opinion and I hope you like it
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These are the memories that engulf me, lived inside of me, became me for two years. Yes, I can see you now, a memory of you, your saddening eyes, there is that never-ending depth to them. Where your sweet smile never seems to reach them. But that's it. You are just a memory. No more than a haunting, teasing memory, to remind me of how weak I was, I had to let you go. I do remember that night, I had stood on earth that seemed to crumble beneath me, my heart twisted, where my scream echoed no-one answered. I betrayed you. I hurt you. I let your hand leave mine.
****
I suddenly found myself looking at a white ceiling. I was on a couch. In the living room. then I remembered. Oh, shit! My mind raced with worried thoughts. My brother my brother my brother! I couldn't believe I'd fallen asleep, I totally forgot to pick him up!
My brother. Erik Frost. Fifteen years of age, while I am two years older, my father died of cancer when I was fourteen. My mom is at work, starts at twelve. Finishes at 10 PM. She'll be home in the next hour.
I searched for the car keys, when I found them between the seats of the couch I hurriedly locked the front door and rushed for the black Jeep Wrangler. I was only an hour late, but I drove a little over the speed limit, when I arrived I smiled at my little brother and ruffled his brown hair, he glared at me but then his sea-blue eyes softened and he smiled back, there was nothing in his eyes, only sadness lingered but I know I was forgiven. "Eden," he whispered my name. That was all it took, I knew the meaning behind his tone when he spoke my name. Everything was OK.
But I was looking at Erik, not the road when the bright light came, blindening me, my Jeep skidded, and I screamed as I tried leaning into my little brother, maybe to protect him? I wasn't sure. The car pushed against the railings of the bridge, the railings powerless against the weight of the Jeep. I screamed at Erik to unbuckle his seatbelt as I tried to free myself of my own, but the frightened tone of his voice as he said he couldn't I swear almost killed me. I can't give up on my brother, realization of that thought sunk in. I can't let him die.
"Eden." I looked over at him, if he dies, if I survive I'll shrivel up inside, and I'll die. Slowly. Painfully. I didn't want my name to be the last word on his lips, I reached over to squeeze his hand. His hand was warm. Familier. We never had to speak with words, we always used to speak in our silent language. Used to. Past tense. My brother is going to die. The unspoken meaning is that I freed myself of my seatbelt, while Erik's is trapping him. He will die, I will live. If I help him the Jeep will surely tumble down to the wild sea with me in it. His hand still in mine, I crawled to the back. I let go of Erik Frost's hand, and I jumped out, but not before I let the unexpected words slip from my lips.
"I love you." Meaning them. I watched the Jeep fall down to the sea. I let my brother, my other half, my best friend fall towards death with the car. A horrible, heart-breaking, bone-shattering scream filled the air, it seemed to echo through this world. For everyone to hear. A few minutes later, as the sea stole my brother, and I realized that scream was mine.
****
The next morning I decided to stay in bed, I couldn't seem to drag my feet across the room, somewhere downstairs I heard a clattering, but I really didn't care, if I got up to a fire surrounding the house, I probably wouldn't make a move to get out. Erik, the brother I betrayed is all I could think about. When my mom found out about the accident last night she blamed me. And I understood that. I blamed myself.
My door banged against the wall hard, my mom stood staring at me in the doorway, I lowered my eyes to glance at a picture of me and Erik I had placed on a table, I was about thirteen years of age then, and Erik's chubby face looked up at me, his eyes held so much excitement and wonder, his small mouth was open in surprise, a beautiful house stood tall in the background. I remember that day as our last family holiday, somewhere around that year our father grew sick. In the middle of the next year he died.
My mom walked over and hugged me, I hadn't noticed that tears were streaming down my face, I squeezed my eyes shut and still more tears stung my eyes.
"I'm sorry I blamed you, Eden." Mom whispered.
"No," I choked out. "No, it was my fault. I let him fall." The truth stung but I willed myself to believe it. It was better knowing it was my fault, than knowing that it wasn't. The thing I said next shocked me. "Leave." Mom left.
"Erik!" My own scream itself pierced a ringing through my ears.
"Erik!" His tall thin figure was turning away from me.
"Erik! No!" He jumped off the bridge, as his body hit the water I jumped, the water freezed me to the bone. His body sunk down to the bottom, I swam towards him. I wrapped my arms around his body, but as I tried to take him with me to the surface, I couldn't. His body was like an anchor.
"No." A raspy voice coming from his lips said.
I awoke. What the hell? I thought. I wasn't in my bed. I wasn't in my room. I wasn't in my house. I was at the bridge. I was in the freezing water. I had sunk low to the ground. Water filled my mouth, burned my lungs. I franticly tried to swim to the surface, but I couldn't move. My body was stiff. I felt as if I was literally going to explode, I felt my heart stop beating. I let the searing pain take hold of my body.
****
I awoke again to find myself curled in my bed, my arms wrapped tightly around my knees. I was freezing, my entire bed was wet. I was in jeans and a shirt, and both were completely wet, my hair was drenched in water, my lungs burned with the water that filled them. Maybe I was imagining this, imagining the pain, the realization that I was going to die but somehow I knew this was real, I was dying. I don't know how I managed to get out of bed, painful coughs tore through my body, this really has come. As I run to my mom's room - the thought, the truth, the realization that I'm dying. My run ended in a stumble as I reached my mom's bed.
"Mom!" I shook her awake, I gasped for air, although I could barely draw breath, my mom sat up in bed.
"What? Don't tell me it's a nightmare, you don't have those anymore." Then suddenly more alert when she got a good look at me, she jumped out of bed.
"Mom . . . Mommy, I'm dying."
****
I can only imagine how she felt, a mother who lost her husband, then her son, and finally me. Me. Me who usually tells my mother that I hate her, that as my dad was sick told him to do what he could to make it, when I should have been telling him to leave already, so he wouldn't have to deal with any more pain. It is my turn now, I have to feel pain that I don't want to feel, I have to let death consume me, like it did my father and brother.
Now I'm lying in a hospital bed, half asleep, struggling to open my eyes.
"Eden." Came my brother's gentle voice, then I stilled. No, I didn't die, but I know for sure - I swear I'm not alive either, but yes, my heart altogether stopped, but the next thing I realize is that my brother is standing in front of me.
"Erik?"
"Eden, stop trying to find me, if you keep this up, you really are going to end up dead."
"But Erik, you were by the bridge last night, so was I, and you jumped, I tried to save you."
Erik started walking towards me, another voice boomed in.
"Erik, you can't talk to her, your very presence is hurting her, back away now." The guy was tall, very tall. His black hair reached his shoulders, his green eyes twinkled, and his smile was sexy. He held my hand and kissed it softly.
"Who-who are you?" I asked.
"Call me Jake." he smiled as he said this, and he was a bit older than Erik and I both, I'd say he looked about nineteen or twenty.
"Why are you here? Are you a ghost? Is my brother a ghost?"
"I am asigned to take him there."
"Take him where? To Heaven?"
"The Other Side and the Shadows are too different from the other."
If it was possible, I'd believe I stilled even more. He was talking crap. "Shadows? What the hell is that? What are you talking about?"
"Shadows," Jake repeated. "Erik will be enslaved there. He isn't worthy enough for the Other Side. He'll find ways to betray them. The Shadows already chose him. Good-bye, Eden."
"Wait! I'm not going to leave my brother like this! I'm coming, whether I can or not." I pushed Jake away and wrapped my arms around Erik. "Erik, I'm coming with."
"I shouldn't be doing this." Jake murmured to himself, he held out his hands to me and Erik, and I knew that I had died, that's why I could see Erik and Jake. But I also lived. And I was going with my brother and Jake somewhere he calls Shadows.