The Writers' Circle

I never knew I was beautiful
so what do I do now?
the rain outside
white noise for my
self-conscious mind 
as I lay and write

here I am pouting
having caught you
with her picture on your phone--
welcome to the digital age--
a photo of a photo,
the kind you can
hold in your hands
and fold

lower lip curled distinctly now

I remember when I made that crease
how I only wanted to see me
from the waist up
thinking the slightest curves
on my slim hips
meant fat
and the red Jessica Rabbit dress
showed everything.

I didn't even wear
panties or a bra.
now I have them in abundance--
plenty of curves.

it still sparkles in a closet
home to its hanger
for it will not fit

you said I looked hot and lonely 
that first time you saw me
and that I was hauntingly familiar
because you had seen me in your dreams

but what if for the first time you saw me today?
would you see an aging sticky fat woman
who needs to wash her hair?
or would you see a different lady
instead of me?

ah but I think I know the response
to that

lip back in now tucked into my teeth

these are answers I shouldn't seek

the rain falls harder
and traffic sprays by
bringing your car home.

I know the old me will
never be the same
but my lower lip is now moist
from where you kissed it hello
and the bed bounces

from our child jumping up and down
so I smile softly
because the rain 
has stopped.

I can still feel the love and lucky
just different