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Beginning of a novel (revised)
By
CommittedVision
| Posted:
06 September 2008
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When I was born, I stood before my Father.
My heavenly Father.
You know. The sovereign One? He emanates light and sits with His Son and the Holiest Spirit between the cherubim.
He spoke me into existence by His breath. Out of the air. Just like that I was formed appearing as a body made perfectly in His image among my angelic brothers and sisters. As I looked at my Father, who is God, His love embraced me. Being so warm and pure, I was drenched from the outside in whereas I fell on my face and worshiped Him. I tearfully looked up and trembled at His power. He said to me,
"Your name will be Nohemi. I have given you beauty, a strong body, and a strong mind. You are like My eyes. I have made you to see all things which are recorded into the Book of Life. Nothing is hidden from you that is seen and nothing is hidden from you that is unseen. You will know everything because I have made you as a record-keeper. You will see the evil and the good. Iniquities will find you, yet so will My grace. Remain faithful till the end and you will return to heaven to receive a crown and eat from the Tree of Life."
He brought me to my feet with a lifting of His hand and called for Hannelore, a mighty arc angel, who fought in many battles. He was commanded to protect and guide me for a time. Hannelore flashed into existence with a wingspan of twice his height. He stood nearly nine feet tall. And his pure eyes were deep and penetrating. In his large, well-defined hands, I saw a golden book. He knelt down and gently said,"Take this and eat." And so I ate. It was honey to my mouth. But in my belly it was bitter. My eyes were opened. My mission clear. By the Book of Life, I received great knowledge beyond all wisdom. The knowledge of God's unblemished plan.
_______________________________
Nohemi.
Her name was like the finest silk upon my breath.
Amidst a legion of heavenly hosts, I could see her. One of many record keepers, though not one of them stirred me. My Father made her utterly beautiful and sculpted her strong. A little warrior in my eyes. I hesitated to stare and fought to contain my intrigue. Yet, I was instantly captivated. Me - her protector. Her guide. I wondered for a moment if I could speak.
Focus.
I firmly held the Book of Life in my hand containing His perfect will.
Focus. 'Listen for my Lord' I told myself.
I immediately responded to His call and made myself present before Him. Taking a breath, I knelt down and dared not to behold her. "Take this," I said,"and eat." She ate. And I silently prayed a prayer of glory to my Father.
_______________________________
I was the newest that day. So, after praising our God in His courts overlaid with the finest gold and numerous perfect gems, I was greeted by many.
"Holy Lord God, praise the Lord. Isn't God awesome?" one heavenly host said while another sang, "H a a l e l u u j a a a a h h, worthy is the L a a mb. . ."
"Praise to the Most High God. Hi, my name's Pura. I'm a messenger." She beamed when she said that."Glory, glory, glory. Don't you just love this place? Look around."
Pura did not have to tell me. I was touched by the pacifying scents wafting through the air and all of the colors and intricacies of each plant. I mean really. Flowers saying 'hello'? Can't get that on earth. Everything was astonishing.
"Amazing isn't it?" she queried while tilting her head to the side,"I've been here for quite a while, Nohemi, and I'm still dazzled by the golden streets."
I remember that conversation. Pura was right. How often does one see immaculate pure gold streets rolled out like a sheet of transparent glass . . . unless, of course, you live in Heaven?
"Sister, we are about to play dodge ball, wanna play?"
I remember thinking - Dodge ball?
As if to answer the look on my face, Pura said,"You'll see, we'll have a great time."
Collectively, we gathered together in a large bejeweled square. I'll never forget my first experience. Out of nowhere before my eyes, levitated a large pearlescent sphere with a humming sound. The dodge ball. To my surprise, I was the server.
And I knew what to do with it.
"Tag me, tag me, tag me!" waved Pura.
Whhap.
Okay. Clearly, I didn't know I could do that with it. But I did. I tagged Pura.
Everyone praised the Lord. Yes. They really did. When I think on it now, I can only say it is because the dodge ball in heaven is quite squishy. Fast and precise, yet it hits you like a big kiss.
Pura popped with laughter. And the game was on.
Whap. Whap. Whap. No one was ever out. It was just a stealth way of passing kisses really. I remember wondering - why did they call it dodge ball? Until I dodged the ball. Everyone shouted, "NOHEMI DODGED THE BALL!!!"
And then they tackled me. How welcoming.
I miss those games.
All articles on this website by
CommittedVision are copyright ©CommittedVision and should not be reproduced
without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their
respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.
| Comments | |
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It's a very interesting start, and a very interesting style. I imagine it will be very difficult to complete a novel in the style you're attempting, but good luck!
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oh my gosh...this is brilliant....
i can only imagine what is going to happen next!
if you finish and, i really hope you do please let me buy the first copy......lol
I want more!!!!!!
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I've read this again now you've revised it. It seems easier to read now, but less 'mystical'.
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Thank you for your comments. I think I'm going for less 'mystical'. So, I guess that's a good thing. :D
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Avoiding the mystical side of it should make it easier to write [and read] but IMHO (which isn't necessarily worth TOO much) I wouldn't abandon that side altogether. It made interesting reading!
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Funny. I initially didn't realize it was mystical until you said something. I just didn't like the tone of the story. So, that is why I revised it. I'm really not into fiction. I am very much into the realistic. Although it seems like it is going in the opposite direction, actually there's alot more to it. So, truly I agree with YHO. :D
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I like the first style (the revised too) and it gave me goosebumps, maybe it is the mystic or that I can relate to creation story. It is a story for a niche market, pls work on this story.
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Kudos
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From 7 votes
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Total posts: 18
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Roles:
Writer
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Ft. Lauderdale, UNITED STATES
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ASPIRING CHRISTIAN WRITER
As a child, I always thought that I would be a writer. But changes in life took me in a different direction. Now, as a wife, mother of three, and student - I'd like to get back ... (Read more)
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