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This is depressing, though very well written. Is this in an abortion clinic?
Did you say you have a published novel? What's it called?
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Isn't it in a hospital before birth?
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Hi JD,
I have tried to create a piece that gives the illusion of two women in hospital. In fact, they are both on death row. The meal was the final one before death.
The line: "Well, I guess I'll be joining you. I'm due in two weeks unless..." is an intimation of the hope the woman has of a delay in her own sentence being carried out.
Reiner
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Hi Zion
My novel is Memoirs of a Vampire Hunter.
ISBN: 978-0-908382-2-3 for paperback
ISBN: 978-0-9803582-3-0 for ebooks in various forms: Mobipocket etc.
LCCN: 2008378757
Reiner.
Ps. Dreams is not set in an abortion clinic.
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Whoa! Maybe you could make that a little clearer. Still, a profound piece.
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Would they kill a pregnant woman? Kinda disturbing if they would. Thanks for clearing up the confusion around the scene though. It's a unique example of when a dialogue-heavy piece can work.
JD
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I think you have to be incredibly careful when writing about issues like abuse. To the outsider its easy to assume the victim would feel like this character but its much more complex than this - dont forget he's her daddy! Up until the age of 10 she probably looked up to him, idolised him, whatever and abuse doesn't rule those feelings out it just muddies them into a whirlpool of emotions which she probably then didn't know how to handle - which could be how she ended up on death row? but you either need to show the depth of the problem or choose a different angle.
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To both JD and Zion.
Although I set out to have two women in a prison cell, I deliberately made it so the reader can take from it what they want.
These women are talking about dreams of what their lives might have been. One is talking about her abused past. There is no mention of either being pregnant. One does mention having had a child. The other wishes she could have one.
A reader could easily assume that they are in an abortion clinic or a hospital.
"Like you, I had a dream of having a baby. A nice house and a good man. Some say it hurts like hell before it's over. Others say I won't feel a thing. They don't know do they. I mean, how could they?"
The first two sentences tells us what she wants. Then the pain of what is to come enters her mind. The last two sentences are a hint that only the dead can come back and tell us whether the fatal injection, the chair or whatever means of execution, hurts.
To be honest, I'm not disappointed by the way you have read the piece. I feel as though I have succeeded in making you think about it. I'm not trying to be big headed here. It was an experiment with dialogue and little else.
Reiner
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Hi Poppy
I agree with what you say. I could have gone much deeper but chose not to; I know from my own experience as a child, except my abuser was not a parent. 'Dreams' does not reflect what I went through.
As explained earlier, it was an experiment in dialogue. I'm sorry if you were offended by the piece.
Reiner
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I wasn't offended - I did think hard before I wrote my comment and I'm humbled by your response. I hope you understand what I meant.
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Hi Poppy.
Absolutely. No need to be humbled; life is life. Maybe I should stick to writing about less harsh things, certainly for this site.
Reiner
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Please dont write about less harsh things!!! Writing and reading are how we learn - what I'm saying is teach us through your words but dont teach us half an idea show us the whole thing.
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Ok, will do. The trouble is, I sometimes only 'see' snippets. The scenes don't always pan out well. But I'll try.
Reiner
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Good. Keep writing.
Poppy.
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And you, you're really good.
Reiner
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I haven't read anything that was so open to interpretation. It really does make one think, and if that was your goal, you've achieved it.
Keep iot up! ;)
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I think both of you have valid points. Sometimes the snippet is good and sometimes it doesn't tell enough but both occasions can be found in the same piece.
It's all down to the reader and that's one of the hardest things that I've come across in writing - trying to make sure that the meaning and tone is conveyed to everyone who comes across it. Somehow I think that it's an impossible cause but it's one that's probably worth pursuing anyway.
Keep it up Reiner.
JD
P.S. I'm loving the constructive dialogue between multiple writers concerning one piece. This is the kind of thing we need more of. Good job.
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Many thanks to all of you who have commented. I wasn't sure if Carl would be ok with the way this 'thread' is panning out, ie, constructive dialogue between multiple writers concerning one piece, as JD puts it.
Personally, I like to answer comments when I can and if I feel they need it and I certainly enjoy replies. How else can we learn and improve without dialogue amongst ourselves?
Reiner.
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I realise that I'm going to contradict myself with what I'm about to say but why would carl have a problem if the comments remained on topic?
JD
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Well, as it's not strictly a forum, I didn't know if there would be a complaint about it. I have looked at quite a few posts and noticed that what is happening on this post hasn't really occurred elsewhere.
I subscribe to various writing groups/forums and there are those that frown upon such things. Discussion is good providing it is relevant. We should keep it up.
Reiner
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Relevance is key but how do you encourage that?
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I don't know. What isn't wanted, not by me anyway, is "how are you today?" and the like. I know I have answered specific questions that have nothing to do with the original post. I was going to email you and poppy, but the instructions at the top of the form state that only comments made about the recipients writing are acceptable, so I didn't send the mail.
If people don't mind having the answer to a non relevant question by email, then that's ok by me. People can mail me anytime, so long as it's about writing, mine or theirs or if they want info about my web sites, which relate to writing anyway.
I hope this helps, but I doubt it.
Reiner.
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