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The last 2 lines are just brilliant!
I used to always wonder how / when it is right to use Dreamed and Dreamt. I sent a post about this and got very helpful response but this poem just lays it out plainly for me!
Thanks
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Thanks a lot. Poetry isn't usually my thing but every now and again I'll come up with something that I feel flows and words well.
Glad you enjoyed it.
JD
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Sorry JD, I gave a score of 'good', reread the poem and tried to change it to great, but the program wouldn't allow the score change. I wish now I had read the poem through a couple of times first.
I think the imagery is really good.
Reiner.
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No worries. Comments > Kudos.
JD
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Wonderful imagery! And you've got a nice rolling rhythm that suggests travel.
The only thing I thought a bit jarring was the rhyme of 'been' and 'me' - suggestion: "I dreamed a dream of far-off places/ I thought I'd never see"?
But I really like it just the same.
Happy writing! ;)
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Good point. Edited and I think the new version serves the previous lines and the subject of the poem better.
Thanks.
JD
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A beautiful piece. It gives off a feeling of serenity.
alice.
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Is this you or is it a collection of words that string together nicely? I hope its the first. Lovely work and I hope you try your hand at more poetry.
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brilliant...xx
(again)!!
xxx
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I really enjoyed this poem, especially the last line, gives the piece more depth I think. I did think that the line 'And parched carcasses baked by the sun' didn't flow well enough, but other than that your rhythm is very good. Nice work.
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I really loved this poem. It reminded me of 'I tought I taw a puddy tat, a creeping up on me, I taught I taw a puddy tat, dat puddy tat were me' :) Tweety Bird and Sylvester the cat -1948 cartoon
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Edited the line that chloerose suggested didn't flow as well as they rest and I think the alliteration works really well.
Thanks to you all for taking the time to comment.
JD
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I like it. Could easily be set to music. Ending was very good.
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Being Dyslexic l find words that l read difficult, but your words were easy and wonderful, simple in the best way, l hope you understand. I loved it, all of it.
Michel Henri
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I'll take it as 'simple and effective' so thanks for the complement.
JD
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Brilliant! I enjoyed reading this so much!
Fantastic job. I'm very impressed!
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