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I know it's been a while since I posted the Prologue...all of my work is on an old computer with no internet acess, so I have to retype everything. I appreciate any comments posted.
Chapter 1: Zalark
Zalark drew one last line on the parchment, completing a copy of one of the ancient spells. His dark, brown eyes never left the paper as he looked over his work one last time. Magic was not a skill fit for a prince, but then again, no one knew Igmarius even had an heir. He put away his materials and turned to see Trixie, Igmarius's pet cat, waiting near the door.
Trixie stretched for a moment and calmly walked over. "Igmarius is still out hunting. I plan to go to Fort Telgar today- you should come." The cat said, turning to the door. Her white fur brushed the wall, and her tail waved slightly, anxious. "There's something else. I'll tell you on the way there."
"I'll catch up with you at the gate." Zalark said, rising to his feet. What did she have in mind? He grabbed his bow and hurried to the gate. Trixie was there, washing herself calmly. Very little bothered her. The guards opened the gate for them, and the two left the castle.
Once they were out of hearing range, Trixie led him into a grove of trees.
"What did you mean before?" Zalark asked her.
"Do you remember what day it is?"
"Of course. It's the third of Rainmonth, the first quarteryear." he answered, wondering why she had asked.
"You spent so much time learning that spell, I'm surprised you still remember. It's your birthday today. You were so busy trying to master the rune that you forgot about yourself." Trixie said.
"I didn't realize...did it really take that long?"
"You were up all night."
"Oh." Zalark replied. So that was why Trixie was taking him there. His father hadn't realized, either. He had forgotten, just like last year and the year before that. Trixie was the only one who remembered him, and tried to make up for his father.
"There's something at Fort Telgar you need to see. Igmarius received it as a gift from the Za'an."
"The Za'an? They're not that trustworthy. What is it?" Zalark had met the leader of the Za'an, Zoltagh, last year. He had stared at Zalark the entire time with his red eyes, trying to determine how much of a threat he posed. It wasn't exactly unusual, bu it was definitely unnerving. Zalark left with the impression that the Za'an knew much more than they revealed.
"He received an orb. I'm sure you'll recognize the name. It's the Red Eye."
"The one from the legends?" Zalark asked in disbelief. The Red Eye had been mentioned in several of the ancient scrolls, usually the cause of a great war. From what the legends said, anyone who carried it for more than a month went mad. Why would his father accept such a thing? And how did the Za'an come to posses it?
"The very one." Trixie continued. "The Za'an told Igmarius that it was a portal to another world. He took them seriously."
"That would explain why he sent so many reinforcements to Fort Telgar. Is it true, about the orb?'
"How would I know? The Za'an aren't the most reliable source Vorn has. No one else has said anything about it. It's the only information we have." Trixie replied.
"From what the scrolls say, it doesn't seem likely. It's just a dangerous tool."
"That's what I suspected. Still, it's best to be careful. There's the Fort. I'll follow you from here." Trixie stopped, letting him take the lead.
Zalark glanced upward for a moment, spotted something in the distance, and shot it down.
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An intriguing start. Good job.
JD
P.S. I take it it your old PC doesn't have a USB port?
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You've set the scene for what sounds like a lot of action to follow - remember to pick up on all the threads to keep the readers attention and keep going... Well done.
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Good...makes me want to see what'll happen next.
Love the talking cat!
Keep writing! ;)
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Don't normally read too many stories with Z names and you have three! ^_^
I like it so far. It is a good start, but I don't get enough feel for the characters yet. I just mean, I'm not sure if I'll like the personality of the main character yet.
This doesn't make me less likely to read it though.
(I read all four books in the Twilight series and I hated Bella, I mean I hated her with a passion. Always complaining, whining, or self absorbed or completely blind to anything other than Edward. ... ARG hated her.)
I'm wondering if Zoltagh will be a main character like her (one that I love to dislike). So far I get the impression he is driven (Magic ability) to the point of forgeting other important facts. He comes across a little judgemental, but the Za'an might really be that bad I don't know anything about them yet. ^_^
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I have critiqued your work as follows -
[First impressions]
I found your work to have an easy, rolling rhythm that moved the story forward
[Beginning]
I found the beginning compelling
[Plot]
I thought your plot was good, exciting and distinguishable and had a central theme
[Characters]
Your characters jumped off the page at me and attracted my attention
[Overall comments]
I think that this story has a really good plot. This is the type of book that I could see in the fantasy section of Chapters. Well written start to, judging this first chapter, a great book.
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Hey Dragonwriter,
I was just wondering if you have written any more to this story! I'd really like to read some more of it. But it's fine if you don't want to post it.
Taylor
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Kudos
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From 4 votes
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Total posts: 147
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Roles:
Writer
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San Diego, UNITED STATES
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Hello! I am a young fantasy writer with serious ambitions. I write as a kid, for kids. My motto is 'there's always more you can do', which is probably why I work my tail off at getting published. I've ... (Read more)
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