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Wow! I've had experience with commitment phobia, and that's what this sounds like - bang-on!
Good job! ;)
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Thanks a lot, though it's not entirely about that.
It's supposed to be from a girl's point of view being proposed to on Christmas day. She wants to get married, hence the hint dropping, but she doesn't want to share her special day with another one.
Hope it's still as enjoyable to you.
JD
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Oh. Well, I feel silly. I guess what threw me was the first two lines of the last verse - if she really does want to marry this guy, why wouldn't she want to share Christmas with him?
Happy writing! ;)
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She doesn't want to be proposed to on Christmas day, Valentines day, her birthday or any other day because she wants the day to be special and for its own reasons. She also wants it to be a random day when she won't be able to predict that the proposal could be coming.
I guess she also expected her boyfriend to know her better than that and know how she felt about that special moment.
Sorry for spoiling your original enjoyment.
JD
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No, you didn't spoil it at all! Thanks so much for explaining - I think it enhances my enjoyment if I know the author's true intentions.
Looking forward to more! ;)
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In that case you're welcome.
JD
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Fantastic...as a woman myself I totaly understand that feeling, I personally wouldn't want share that day with any other day, I'd want it to be special...uniquely for (for us i mean!!!).
Maybe that is what your problem with this poem is...I can see why it the message maybe unclaer for some readers, it may be worth considering going into some more depth about the whole 'having to share' issue.
but i love it anyhow!!!
blackrose.xx
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As usual, you're writing is wonderful. I think the reason it threw a few people was because it was written from a female POV, which was a little unexpected. I especially liked the last stanza because I not only felt her saddness in rejecting the proposal, but visualized the poor man's disappointment. I probably would have used the word 'inevitable' in place of 'truth' in There's no escaping the truth...but other than that, I thought it was fantastic.
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The idea is good, the poem flows, loved the concept of 'not today, and not like this' but I dont feel this poem like your other one. It feels (and I might be wrong) like you were detached from the words - and it's not because you were writing from a female perspective.
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Hi JD, thought I'd return the favour and comment on one of your poems - I really enjoyed this piece, in particularly the way the rhyming is irregular (there's probably a word for that but I have no idea what it is!). The sentiment is captured perfectly, can almost feel the mixture of disappointment and satisfaction and the anticipation that's going to follow, waiting for him to propose in a more original way! :-)
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Thought the poem was good, but I personally didn't feel sympathy for her.
That probably makes me a MSP. :-)
IMHO, if she loved him she would maybe reflect on his feelings rather than just her own.
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Hi JD, as usual, really good. The only line that bugs me is this: I do and I don't want ever to know.
I feel the flow would be better with 'want' and 'ever' changed around.
I do and I don't ever want to know.
Reiner.
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Thanks Reiner. I've edited that line. Thanks.
JD
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