| Rank | Most active authors |
 | 1 |
|
|
 | 2 |
|
|
 | 3 |
|
|
 | 4 |
|
|
 | 5 |
|
|
 | 6 |
|
|
 | 7 |
|
|
 | 8 |
|
|
 | 9 |
|
|
 | 10 |
|
|
 | 11 |
|
|
 | 12 |
|
|
 | 13 |
|
|
 | 14 |
|
|
 | 15 |
|
|
 | 16 |
|
|
 | 17 |
|
|
 | 18 |
|
|
 | 19 |
|
|
 | 20 |
|
|
 | 21 |
|
|
 | 22 |
|
|
 | 23 |
|
|
 | 24 |
|
|
 | 25 |
|
|
|
As usual this is a first draft. I'll try and do some minor editing on any bits that really don't make sense but a complete edit will have to wait until the end.
Part 5 coming soon.
Enjoy.
JD
* * * * *
Thick mist coiled around the stone buildings of Jelosano as Tamson exited his quarters early the following morning. He rubbed the sleep from his tired eyes as he grimly viewed streets, deserted at this hour, and the scene only served to emulate and enhance his existing sense of loneliness. He trudged sullenly through the ghost-like fog with what little personal belongings he owned slung across his back and his new pointy hat of office resting upon his head, listening intently for sounds of the travellers he sought against the background of his muffled steps as he reached the outskirts of the wondrous city.
"Good luck, Tam," said the guard on the outer gate and the young tulai noted the slight warning note on the edge of his voice.
He didn't have time to ponder on the meaning for long, however, before his thoughts were interrupted by a muffled guffaw that echoed dully through the thick fog.
Tam clenched and unclenched his fists in nervousness and sweat began to assail his palms as he tensed up as he approached the source of the noise. The voices increased in both number and volume with every step he took and eventually their owners loomed large through the mist.
The majority of the gypsy party consisted of arlan, though Tam could tell that they originated from all walks of life from all across Gaea. He'd met a few of the tall, primarily slender race in his lifetime when they occasionally visited Jelosano but here, being the only tulai present in the group, he felt out of place amongst the agile race.
Weaving his way cautiously through the sea of arlan legs Tam remained unnoticed amid the gruff joviality that surrounded him. He was unsure of who to talk to and was far too shy to ask.
"Hi there, little man."
Tam turned, sure that he was being addressed, to see a dwarf grinning broadly at him through a thick, semi-braided beard.
"H-hi," Tam stammered in a feeble response.
"I take it you're the mage we were promised?" the dwarf said, kindly ignoring the young tulai's nerves.
Tam shrugged.
"Erm.I guess so."
"Alright, lads," the dwarf barked gruffly, raising his voice to attract the attention of the others.
"A-hem."
"And ladies," the dwarf corrected himself, failing to meet the gaze of one steely-eyed and clearly female arlan. "We're all set."
"We not waitin' for the mage?" a voice piped up from the back.
"He's here," another responded.
"Where."
"By me," the dwarf supplied.
Tam watched nervously as a bullish arlan pushed his way through the packed travellers. He could feel the red blush of embarrassment scaling his neck to assault his face as every gaze was turned upon him but could do nothing to halt its progress.
"He looks kinda weak," said the arlan, leering unkindly at Tam. "When we were promised a mage I assumed we were getting something more substantial."
"He's got a pointy hat," one arlan pointed out.
"But he's so small," the arlan laughed mockingly. "A mere child."
"Careful, Daryan," the dwarf warned and Tam felt the atmosphere noticeably chill.
"Sorry, Gilly," said Daryan sheepishly. "So we movin' then or not?"
The dwarf simply nodded and turned to push through the throngs, soon losing himself to Tam's sight amongst the mists and the arlan's lean forms.
"Move out," Daryan called and the travellers sprang to action around Tam leaving the young tulai bewildered and unsure of what he was supposed to be doing in their midst.
"Are you ok?" a kindly voice asked from nearby and Tam turned to see the female arlan who had spoken up before peering intently at him, though the voice didn't seem to match her fierce features.
"I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing," Tam admitted.
"Nothing for now," the girl laughed. "Though you could introduce yourself, if you like?"
"Sorry. I'm Tam."
The girl laughed again.
"Allegra," she said, smiling.
She looked up as the cry went up for them to make a move.
"C'mon," she said. "You can walk with me."
"Thanks," said Tam, evoking yet another giggle from the girl as they began to walk, keeping pace with the others who thankfully didn't pay him too much attention.
"You don't have to be so polite," she said.
"Sorry," said Tam, answering on automatic. "Erm.I mean.yeah, right.you're right."
His voice tailed off.
"Is this your first time out of the city?" Allegra asked in a sympathetic attempt to calm his obvious nerves.
"Pretty much. I was meant to be going to Mekanikus with my friends but there aren't many dark mages around these days, let alone any that could take me on as an apprentice."
Allegra looked down at her new friend and couldn't help but sympathise wityh the loneliness the small being was obviously experiencing.
"How long are you away for?" she asked.
"Until I'm ready."
"So the more you learn, the sooner you can get to see your friends again?"
Tam hadn't thought of it like that.
"I guess so."
He looked around at the motley collection of beings that comprised the nomadic wanderers.
"Who are all of these people?" he asked.
"Well you've got Gilly and Daryan," she said, nodding to the front of the column to where dwarf and arlan strode side by side. "Gilly's the closest thing we have to a leader and Daryan's his second in command. He can be pretty hot-headed at times but he has a good heart."
Tam watched as Daryan turned, as if on cue, to share a loving glance with a woman further back down the line, perched atop one of the horse-drawn carts.
"That's Liv, Daryan's wife," said Allegra, nodding in her direction. "She and Daryan are going to have their first soon."
Tam didn't know what first the couple were going to have but was too shy to enquire. In these serene settings, surrounded by the glorious woodland and stone monuments of his people that lined the pathway, he was finally beginning to feel more at ease. He shifted his gaze to where three arlan appeared to be having considerably more fun than the rest.
"Who're they?" he asked.
"The girl's Lulu," Allegra said. "And the twins who are all over her are Col and Legio. They're always like that - constantly fighting for her affections. They both probably know that neither will ever succeed but Lulu sure does love the attention. Don't be fooled by her girly looks and mannerisms, though. She can pull her weight as well as the rest of us. Even the women are men on the road."
Tam shook his head slowly.
"I don't think I could possibly remember all that," he said. "My mind would explode!"
Allegra laughed at her friend's exaggeration.
"We wouldn't want that," she said. "But don't worry about anything, ok? It's not worth it."
Tam smiled gratefully up at the tall, elegant arlan and received one in return. Despite his early trepidation he was beginning to think that things weren't going to be as bad as they at first seemed and maybe, just maybe, he could even begin to enjoy himself.
All articles on this website by
JD Higginson are copyright ©JD Higginson and should not be reproduced
without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their
respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.
| Comments | |
|
|
I'm really enjoying this. You write clearly and descriptively, and the plot is interesting. One sentence popped out at me, though:
"Thanks," said Tam gratefully, invoking...
1) I don't think "thanks" should be said "gratefully," because it's obvious. Did you mean "with releif," or something like that?
2) Did you mean "evoking?
An excellent piece...can't wait to read the rest of it.
Happy writing! ;)
|
|
|
Thanks for that, Zion, that's exactly what you meant. Spotted some other minor edits too so hopefully it should read even better now.
Thanks again for the feedback.
JD
|
|
|
And now to edit my own comment...'Thanks, Zion, that's exactly what 'I' meant...' - it's been one of those days.
JD
|
|
|
I found the line that started 'The majority of the gypsy party...' a bit confusing/disjointed - would it be clearer 'A large gypsy party appearead before him, the majority of which consisted of arlan'.
Is it just me or are you representing females as a bit giggly (which comes across as ditsy/cute/flirty) as Suki was a bit like this or is it deliberate as Tam recognises and appreciates this quality?
Otherwise some interesting developments and a story that is progressing at a good pace.
|
|
|
Hi!
I think that your writing would be stronger if you replaced the 'said' s in your writing with other words. For instance:
"Good luck, Tam, " encouraged the guard...
"That's Liv, Daryan's wife," Allegra informed him...
"The girl's Lulu," stated Allegra...
"We wouldn't want that," she grinned, but then turned to a more serious tone.
Just an idea...
|
|
Kudos
|
|
|
From 3 votes
|
|
|
|
|
Total posts: 417
|
|
Roles:
Writer
|
|
|
|
|
Manchester, UNITED KINGDOM
|
|
|
A dedicated writer who holds future ambitions for modest greatness. Currently completing the final editing of my first full length novel. Fingers crossed that it's good enough.
All constructive criticism ... (Read more)
|
|
|
|