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Very daft and thoroughly enjoyable. This is nitpicking to the extreme but can I suggest that u swap windy and grey around on line 2? The rhyming of grey and day made it feel like grey should end the sentence so moving it further towards the start would remove that automatic deduction.
As I said, it's a very trivial point that shouldn't detract from the merits of a good piece.
Good job.
JD
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There you go, JD, all done. Pleased you liked it.
Reiner.
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Sorry if it seemed a bit picky of me to mention that minor point but yes, I did like it. It brightened up my day.
Happy writing.
JD
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Clever...I like seeing parodies of the great poets. This is well done. ;)
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JD, this is what this site should be all about, constructive criticism. I think it does sound better.
Zion, I was going to have the first line as the original, Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day. The second line would be as is. However, I thought my take on and English summer might not be understood by our friends abroad, so I changed Summer to Winter.
Do I take it that the third verse was understood as 'sexual'? It was meant to be that way without being too obvious for younger readers.
Reiner.
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Yeah Reiner I got the third verse - although I did think to myself does he mean this as it sounds! Good work and I like the way lines 1 and 3 rhyme while 2 and 4 do as well - one for me to try I think.
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Poppy, you're obviously not as daft as I look. Hence no picture of me as an avatar!
I have no idea what the style of abab cdcd etc is called. It all depends on the 'beat'. At the moment our writing group are writing Sapphic Odes which have the same end of line rhyme basis as Shall I compare...but the meter is three lines of 4 iambic pentameters and one line of 2 iambic pentameters. If you've not heard of Sapphic Odes before, I'll post my not very good attempt.
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Loads of fun and an unexpected ending
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Hello friedegg. I don't think I have had comments from you before. Forgive me if I'm wrong.
I'm pleased you like the poem and thank you for letting me know. All comments, whether good bad or indifferent are important. Without them, we wouldn't know if a wider audience would appreciate and pay us for what we do.
Reiner.
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