About tomorrow by poppy101

He watches from the pavement
the flow of traffic causes surprise
laughter drifts from upstairs windows
followed by joyful shouts and cries.

He huddles in his best suit
wishing she could feel his presence
willing her to come outside
wanting to drown in her scent.

The hour ticks by so slowly
still he stands on guard
jealous of the many visitors
angry of this traditional charade

Tomorrow he has to leave her
the past is chasing his tail
his bags are packed with guilt
they're fast on the deserters trail.

So farewell my lovely maiden
I promise my love does not falter
and find a small ounce of forgiveness
tomorrow at the alter.

All articles on this website by poppy101 are copyright ©poppy101 and should not be reproduced without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.

Comments

zion613

07 May 2009

This is well-written, but I'm not quite sure what it's about. At the risk of sounding silly, I'll ask: is it a man who's leaving his bride the day before their wedding? Also, the second line has more syllables than the others - it's a bit jarring. Maybe condense it?

I liked it very much. ;)

poppy101

07 May 2009

When I started writing it I just thought I'd see where it took me - yes its a man watching his girlfriends house the night before the wedding but shes having her hen party so tradition says he cant see her and he's on the run for desertion which in my mind I deliberately left ambiguous so the reader could decide if he's deserted the army OR a part wife - either way he's a bit of a rogue!

zion613

07 May 2009

Oh. Thanks for explaining that. Good job on this one. ;)

JD Higginson

07 May 2009

A poem that carried me from start to finish with its rolling rhythm.

Good job.

JD

Shavalarj Hit

10 May 2009

Atmospheric.

Also see: Mask (TheDarkNarrator340) • No one wants to be lonely (TheDarkNarrator340) • Have I done enough... (TheDarkNarrator340) • Silver Moon (Dark Angel) • My Mistress, the Ocean. (Reiner) • Daddy (poppy101) • Shall I compare thee. (Reiner) • Tattooed Tony (Jennifer Munro) • A Friend Forever Be (Dark Angel) • Oh to be a man .... (poppy101)

Kudos

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Writer poppy101	Total posts: 239
Roles: Writer

Ipswich, UNITED KINGDOM

I'm an avid reader who gets lost in the world of books. My poetry tends to be a stream of consciousness running along the pulse of emotion. I'd like to try new things but as always its finding the time ... (Read more)

Recent submissions

Sunrise

Genre / category: Poetry