Blue/Green (Revised) by BCSimmonds

I was born with eyes of different colours
Attracting curious looks from others
One is the shade of a green muddy river
The other the colour of clear crystal waters
They say a person's eyes are windows
To the soul lurking behind in the shadows
But what of my soul? Split distinctly in two
Others I meet just have no clue
No idea of the struggles, no idea of the fights
That go on within me, through days and through  nights
My blue soul is sharp, quick-witted and clever
My green soul is lazy, pursues selfish endeavours
If only they could look over and into each other
Then perhaps it wouldn't matter that they aren't the same colour.

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Comments

Carl

13 September 2008

I really like this poem! It's excellent. The only small comment I have is that I don't think 'For you...' is right. I think it would be better without 'For you...' because it engages the reader in slightly the wrong way - it challenges the reader. It says although you, my reader, is reading this and understanding what I'm trying to say, at the end of the day 'you don't understand me' really. You're not able to. Perhaps you could replace 'For you' with 'Witnesses' or 'Others'; and keep the reader on your side. Only my humble opinion -- the poem is fine as it is!

blackrose

13 September 2008

I don't know what else to say...

apart from EXCELLENT!!!

xxx

BCSimmonds

13 September 2008

Thanks for the comments guys. 
Carl, I know what you mean about 'For you..' I'm not very happy with that whole line really - I'm working on it!!

Also see: The Crying Clouds (BCSimmonds) • Butterfly (pgwebster) • The Fleeing Soul (pgwebster) • The in-between (Carl) • Bliss (pgwebster) • It's in the Mind...x (blackrose) • Maybe...? (blackrose) • Stargazer (Katie13) • The weathercock (Carl) • The seal of autumn (Carl)

Kudos

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Writer BCSimmonds	Total posts: 10
Roles: Writer

York/Canterbury, UNITED KINGDOM

I am a psychology student who writes poetry in her spare time. I'm inspired by music and people and places and art. I sometimes write short stories, but I normally throw them away once they are finished. ... (Read more)

Recent submissions

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Genre / category: Poetry