RankMost active authors
1
Jan Phillips (35)
2
louis kasatkin (93)
3
Eddie Larkin (96)
4
brian dunn (187)
5
computer101 (31)
6
RedeemedAshes (22)
7
Truthwielder (58)
8
evakaye (274)
9
The Unforgiving Minute (19)
10
Adrian (18)
11
angeliki largatzis (11)
12
troy universe (17)
13
Wombat (47)
14
notebook (157)
15
bobthebuilder (6)
16
Doggerel Banksy (6)
17
jimbob (31)
18
yayati madan g gandhi (5)
19
Rai Pager (21)
20
bowenlizzie (4)
21
wolfeyesofgoldenrays (199)
22
CaseyPowers (20)
23
Aurora (10)
24
navlohoe (38)
25
IanMeechan (10)

Haiku: Sunset

By zion613 | Posted: 19 May 2009

Views: 264
Blinding orange claws
Grasp futilely at hilltops -
Dusk is the victor

Alternate last line:
Gray twilight prevails

Which do you think is better? All opinions welcome! ;)
All articles on this website by zion613 are copyright ©zion613 and should not be reproduced without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.
Comments 
poppy101
19 May 2009
My preference is 'Dusk is the victor' because the words are harsher like a battle.  The alternative is also good but its a calmer image, more magestic.
Mr Richard
19 May 2009
I agree. " Dusk is the victor" is the victor!
zion613
19 May 2009
Thanks, all! I was having a hard time choosing.

;)
DeUndrae
05 June 2009
I like the first one better. It has a dissonance in the poem as if, like poppy 101 said, a battle took place between the sunset and night.
zion613
05 June 2009
Thank you! That was exactly what I was trying to portray. I really appreciate everyone's comments.

Happy writing! ;)
audreyhepburn
17 December 2009
Hey zion!
I agree with everyone else- 'dusk is the victor' is the best choice.
audreyhepburn
taylorswift97
09 January 2010
To be truthful, I like "Gray Twilight Prevails" 
But everyone thinks differently.

Writer
zion613

Total posts:
302
Roles: Writer
Baltimore, MD, UNITED STATES
I'm a young stay-at-home mother. Thank God, I have a wonderful husband (who is very supportive of my writing) and three wonderful children (not so much). I like to read and write historical fiction, especially ... (Read more)
Recent submissions 
E
C
Road Trip
Genre / category: Poetry
C
Haiku: Shelter
Genre / category: Poetry
C
Haiku: Anticipation
Genre / category: Poetry
C
Visit with Grandma
Genre / category: Fiction
C
Haiku: Sunset
Genre / category: Poetry
C
The Raven
Genre / category: Poetry
Rachamim PART 5
Genre / category: Fiction
C
Dialogue with my four-year-old son
Genre / category: Fiction
E
C
The Man in the Hospital
Genre / category: Poetry
C
Spring-fever
Genre / category: Poetry
123