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Very touching and well-written.
One comment about the third stanza: you make no effort to rhyme throughout the rest of the poem, and it seems you tried to rhyme here - 'screen' and 'screamed'. I found this slightly jarring - you might consider replacing 'screamed'.
Beautiful as usual.
Happy writing! ;)
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Very thought provoking - well done
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Great stuff!
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Thank you all for your comments. I don't really know what to say about the third stanza's rhyme - it was unintentional but I desperately want to keep the 'screamed and screamed' bit because the poem is building up dimensions to the man - first he's pathetic and crying, second he's romantic and floaty and third he's like a spoilt child who can't get what he wants - and if I change that word I don't think it will be the same?
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Good job. Absolutely loved it.
Keep it up.
JD
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I love this poem, very deep. Keep up the great work!
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