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I'm not alone.

By poppy101 | Posted: 21 May 2009

Views: 309
I wasn't alone last night
when you called at my door,
The pouring rain making you drip
pathetically on the porch mat.

I wasn't alone this morning
When you phoned at such an early hour
Awakening hidden memories
that swirled and danced in the rising mist.

I wasn't alone later
when your emails knocked at my screen
a pulsing red number of urgency
that screamed and screamed.

I'm not alone now
as I sit down to dinner
with all the finery of a banquet
and the glitz of life laid out.

I'm not alone
but without you
I might as well be.
All articles on this website by poppy101 are copyright ©poppy101 and should not be reproduced without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.
Comments 
zion613
21 May 2009
Very touching and well-written.

One comment about the third stanza: you make no effort to rhyme throughout the rest of the poem, and it seems you tried to rhyme here - 'screen' and 'screamed'. I found this slightly jarring - you might consider replacing 'screamed'.

Beautiful as usual.

Happy writing! ;)
Jennifer Munro
21 May 2009
Very thought provoking - well done
Mr Richard
21 May 2009
Great stuff!
poppy101
21 May 2009
Thank you all for your comments.  I don't really know what to say about the third stanza's rhyme - it was unintentional but I desperately want to keep the 'screamed and screamed' bit because the poem is building up dimensions to the man - first he's pathetic and crying, second he's romantic and floaty and third he's like a spoilt child who can't get what he wants - and if I change that word I don't think it will be the same?
JD Higginson
23 May 2009
Good job. Absolutely loved it.

Keep it up.

JD
Dark Angel Alice
25 August 2010
I love this poem, very deep. Keep up the great work!

Writer
poppy101

Total posts:
239
Roles: Writer
Ipswich, UNITED KINGDOM
I'm an avid reader who gets lost in the world of books. My poetry tends to be a stream of consciousness running along the pulse of emotion. I'd like to try new things but as always its finding the time ... (Read more)
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