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So you want to write a short story, part two. by Reiner

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So you want to write a short story, part two.

By Reiner | Posted: 21 May 2009

Views: 327
I just felt I needed to add this. Not only does it concern the short story but any story where there is dialogue.

Many people fall into the trap of telling the reader who is speaking by using he said, she said etc. after every line of speech. It is only necessary to know which character is speaking when there are more than two characters conversing, when the character does something as or after the words are spoken, ("You're nothing ,more than a pig!" she said, spitting in his face), and sometimes when it is not clear who begins with the dialogue. Often, the mention of the second characters name will let the reader know who is talking.
***
Bob entered the room and noticed his wife sitting by the fire. 
"Jane, I was wondering about tonight."
"Tonight?"
"Yes, I thought we could talk. Clear the air a bit, you know?"
"I thought we said all there is to say earlier," she replied, gazing into the flames.
***
There are two people in the scene. As Jane's name is mentioned, we know that Bob spoke first. The answer has to come from Jane and the the following line must come from Bob. The final line has an action added to the speech. It tells us a lot about how she feels.
***

Bob entered the room and noticed his wife sitting by the fire. Philip stood as he always seemed to do on such occasions; his right arm resting on the high mantle, a look of aloofness on his miserly face.
"Jane, I was wondering about tonight," said Bob, annoyed that her brother was in the room.
"Tonight?"
"Yes, I thought we could talk. Clear the air a bit, you know?"
"I thought we said all there is to say earlier," she replied, gazing into the flames.
"We, didn't say anything. As I recall, you did all the talking. Why can't you ever let me get a word in?"
"Steady on old boy!"
"No," said Jane. "Let him have his say.
"I was about to add," said Philip, raising his chin in the air as though trying to make himself look taller and more formidable.
"Add what?" said Bob...
***

Everything is self explanatory up until "Steady on old boy!" But even here we can assume that the words are spoken Philip as it is unlikely that a female would use those words. Therefore it is not necessary to name Philip as the speaker.The line after does not need clarifying but does away with maybe having to think who the speaker is.
However, "I was about to add," does need clarifying as Bob or Philip could have spoken. The same applies to the last line.

I have used he said/she said merely as examples. Obviously there are many other ways of letting the reader know who is speaking.
This will seem, here's a dreaded cliché, 'old hat' to many of you, but to others, I hope it gives some help.

Reiner.
All articles on this website by Reiner are copyright ©Reiner and should not be reproduced without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.
Comments 
Mr Richard
21 May 2009
Top stuff! Hope your going to do some more!
zion613
22 May 2009
Thanks so much for this one! I was getting stuck in a 'he said/she said' rut in my novel and wondering why it sounded wrong.

;)
bobchoi
09 July 2009
You just don't know how much your tips on how to handle dialogue means to me.  It all seems commonsense after you laid it out for us.  Thanks!
Reiner
10 July 2009
Hi Bob, I'm just glad you and others have found it helpful. Many thanks for letting me know your thoughts.

Reiner.
debbie reynolds
18 December 2009
Hiya My Little Fruitbat. This is really useful information for all of us ametures. Many thanks and please keep up with the info regarding writing. Your Poet Laurette!
writer113
19 December 2009
Hi there. On your first example, I would place the speech on the same line after the period. 


eg. Bob entered the room and noticed his wife sitting by the fire.  "Jane, I was wondering about tonight."

As Bob is already mentioned we know who is talking.

Writer
Reiner

Total posts:
146
Roles: Writer
Stoke on Trent, UNITED KINGDOM
61 years of age. One published novel. The sequel is finished but finding it hard to place. Have been writing on and off for many years. Prefer to write horror. Also write stories and rhymes for young children. ... (Read more)