Semper Fi by Brown1e

It was 2.a.m in the deserts of Saudi Arabia (or as our unit affectionately called it, the GAFA - Great Arabian Fuck All), approximately 30 miles south of the Wadi al Bateen and as close to Kuwait/Iraq as I wanted to get for the wages they were paying us.

I was sat in a guard post constructed from sand bags (no shortage of raw materials here!) looking at the most amazing sky you have ever seen and feeling quite small and apprehensive in the face of this black infinity.

I picked up the field telephone and contacted the Command Post (CP) to let them know all was as it should be (as all our guard posts did at 15 or 30 minute intervals). My fellow guard was dozing (we took turns). Our post was at the corner of our camp closest to a U.S. Marines unit and we hoped for a quiet time before our shift ended.

Suddenly there was a very faint silhouette a couple of hundred metres from us, nearer the Americans than us, and I nudged my 'oppo' (mate/friend etc) back into reality and called up the CP to inform them. We were ordered to wait out and see if the shape got bigger so we could identify or came close enough to be challenged. The sweating started, even though it gets unbelievably cold in the desert at night. "Fuck" I thought, what if.....?

After what seemed like hours but was more like minutes, we heard American voices raised in challenge in the direction of the shape. I turned to my mate and said "Are you cocked and loaded?". The reply was a couple of metallic clicks as he chambered a round, "I am now" he said.

The voices got louder and then there was an almighty whooshing sound followed by a brilliant flash at 100-200 metres. Fucking great, night vision gone and no goggles, no way to see what was happening. The phone rang and the CP were demanding to know what was going on. "Fucks knows, Sir. It sounds like the SPAMs (Spastic Plastic American Motherfuckers) have just fragged something on the outer perimeter." "Wait out" came the reply.

After a few more tense minutes, we heard vehicles from the American camp heading towards the shape at high speed. My mate said "How the fuck did the Iraqis get this far south without being rumbled? They couldn't win a bastard raffle never mind a war."

This was tense and we thought we might actually see some action. We started to hear quiet movement within our camp and thought the order to engage might come any time. The phone rang quietly and a laughing voice said "Stand down boys, Stand down. Our cousins have had a little incident they might not want anyone to hear about. Relief guys are on their way to your post and I'll fill you in on the details when you get back". "Roger that Sir." We looked at each other, visibly sagged and then both giggled like girls. You could feel the atmosphere change and we counted the seconds until the shift was over.

Our relief team turned up and were chuckling to themselves but wouldn't say why, despite our polite enquiries "C'mon you cunts, tell us what happened?" "Nah mate, let the boss fill you in, it's worth it trust me".

We left them with the usual friendly invites to explore their sexuality with the local wildlife and headed back to the CP prior to getting a much needed brew and a smoke. The Duty Officer still had small tears streaming down his face when we entered the tent....

It turns out that the rough, tough US Marines had claimed an enemy or so they thought. However, on closer inspection, it seems that guy straight from training in the US had bottled and panicked when the shape didn't answer his challenge. He had, due to his LAI (Light Armoured Infantry) status had an anti-tank missile as part of his kit and had fired at the shape from maybe 200 metres. The vehicles that went out to check the damage/look for survivors etc found only the steaming remains of a camel carcass, instantly butchered by the high explosive round. "Pretty good shot in the dark from 200 metres though isn't it Sir?" said my mate. We burst out loud and had to be 'shushed' immediately and told to go get a brew and our heads down for 4 hours, prior to our next shift.

I remember thinking how grateful I was to be in the British Army.....

Semper Fi Marines

All articles on this website by Brown1e are copyright ©Brown1e and should not be reproduced without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.

Comments

Anne Wills

09 July 2009

I really liked this.  I laughed myself silly at some of the short hand.  Well done.

bobchoi

09 July 2009

I've never served in the army, let alone engaged in any warfare (no one raised and live in Hong Kong ever did).  But reading your article makes me feel that it must be quite an experience.  I like your style a lot.  I don't know how to describe it, other than that it reminds me of some of the short stories I've read by Hemingway... a long time ago.  I look forward to your next installment.

Grampa Pogi

10 July 2009

Hi,
I took the liberty of revising the way I'd understand it.
I also placed some punctuations and notes where I thought would help.
This is a funny story ... would make it into the 'Darwin Awards' :-)

Hope this would help.

.................................................................................................

It was 2 A.M. in the desert of Saudi Arabia, or as our unit affectionately called it, the GAFA - Great Arabian Fuck All, approximately 30 miles south of the Wadi al Bateen and as close to Kuwait/Iraq as I would want to get. I would not get any closer for the wages they were paying.

(note:"for the wages they were paying us." - a bit confusing, you could re-word this.)

(note: deserts in its proper usage could mean something that was deserved or merited, especially a punishment. Often used in the plural: They got their just deserts when the scheme was finally uncovered.)

I sat in a guard post constructed from sand bags (no shortage of raw materials here!); looking at the most amazing sky I have ever seen, feeling quite small and apprehensive in the face of this black infinity.
(note: did you mean universe? great expanse, perhaps? Also changed the POV from "you" to "I" ... have ever seen.)

I picked up the phone and contacted CP, the Command Post; to let them know all was as it should be. All guard posts reported their status every 15 or 30-minute intervals. My fellow guard dozed while I did my turn on guard duty. Our post was at the corner of our camp closest to a U.S. Marine unit and we hoped for a quiet time before our shift ended.

Suddenly, there was a very faint silhouette a couple of hundred metres from us, closer to the Americans than us, and I nudged my snoring 'oppo', a military lingo for a mate or a friend etc., back into reality and called up the CP to inform them. CP had ordered to wait out and see if the 'shape' would get bigger so we could identify or if it would come close enough to challenge. The sweating had started, even though it was unbelievably cold in the desert at night. "Fuck" I thought, "what if?"

The minutes seemed like hours, we heard American voices rose in challenge at the direction of the 'shape'. I turned to my mate and said, "Are you cocked and loaded?" He replied with a couple of metallic clicks as he chambered a round, "I am now," he said.

The voices got louder and then there was an almighty whooshing sound followed by a brilliant flash at 100-200 metres. "Fucking great, night vision gone and no goggles, no way to see what was happening," I tittered. The phone rang and the CP demanded to know what was going on. "Fuck, who knows, sir. It sounds like the SPAMs, sir. The Spastic Plastic American Motherfuckers had just fragged something on the outer perimeter." "Wait out," came the reply.

After a few more tense minutes, we heard vehicles from the American camp heading towards the 'shape' at high speed. My mate said, "How the fuck did the Iraqis get this far south without being rumbled? They couldn't win a bastard raffle, never mind a war."

This was tense and we thought we might actually see some action. We started to hear muffled movement within our camp and thought the order to engage might come at any time. The phone rang and a laughing voice said, "Stand down boys, stand down. Our cousins have had a little incident they might not want anyone to hear about. Relief guys are on their way to your post and I'll fill you in on the details when you get back". "Roger that, Sir." We looked at each other, visibly sagged and then both giggled like girls. You could feel the atmosphere change and we counted the seconds until the shift was over.
(note: took out 'quietly' - "the phone rang quietly", it would be difficult to pick it up if it was quiet.)

Our relief team turned up and were chuckling to themselves but wouldn't say why, despite our polite enquiries. "C'mon, you cunts, tell us what happened?" "Nah mate, let the boss fill you in, it's worth it, trust me".

We left them with the usual friendly invites to explore their sexuality with the local wildlife and headed back to the CP prior to getting a much-needed brew and a smoke. The Duty Officer was still cracking up in tears, when we entered the tent.
(note: "sexuality with the local wildlife" - it's confusing.)

It turns out that the rough, tough US Marines had claimed an enemy or so they thought. However, on closer inspection, it seems that the guy, straight from training in the US, had bottled and panicked when the 'shape' didn't answer his challenge. He had, due to his LAI or Light Armoured Infantry status, had an anti-tank missile as part of his kit and had fired at the 'shape' from maybe 200 metres. The vehicles that went out to check the damage and look for survivors etc. found only the steaming remains of a camel carcass, instantly butchered by the high explosive round. "Pretty good shot in the dark from 200 metres though isn't it Sir?" said my mate. We burst laughing out loud and had to be 'shushed' immediately and told to go get a brew and sleep our heads down for 4 hours, prior to our next shift.