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THE OUIJA BOARD

By rowland | Posted: 27 September 2008

Views: 419
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Editor's choice
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THE OUIJA BOARD
                                                          A short story 

'I don't know whether we should.' Katie felt the goose bumps rise on her arms as she watched her friend Janet place the Ouija board on the dining room table. She wasn't a religious person and didn't really believe in all that stuff about ghosts and the spirit world. There again neither did she openly reject God, just in case there was something. Now, what they were about to do was in her view pushing luck a little too far.
 'Don't be silly, Katie, there's nothing to be frightened of.' Katie's other friend Annie said pulling up a chair to the table. 'I've done it lots of times.'  
Resting their fingers gently on the upturned glass, the three women studied it intently. Several seconds elapsed before the glass responded.   
In a soft whisper Annie spoke. 'Who are you?'
The glass moved slowly at first then as if possessed, moved rapidly between the letters spelling out the word, "J.a.c.o.b." 
Janet giggled excitedly looking at her two friends, her eyes as big as saucers. 'We've got someone.'
'Are you a good spirit? Annie asked her voice breaking with emotion of the moment.
Unhurriedly the glass moved again coming to rest on the word, "yes". Annie forced a smile feeling the palpitations of apprehension begin drumming in her chest. 'What shall we ask him?'
 	'Ask him who he is?' Janet blurted out impatiently.   
Slowly the glass spelt out the word "s.l.a.v.e".
 Over the next half-hour, they questioned Jacob about himself. They found out that he had lived as a black slave on a plantation in Charleston, South Carolina in 1739. His white owner had murdered him because of his love of a slave girl who his master had made pregnant.
The session ended abruptly when Jacob got angry when asked the name of his lover. The glass, racing backward and forward between the letters "N.a.n" and the word "no" before spinning off the table shattering as it hit the wall. 

That night the three friends tossed and turned in their sleep as Jacob came to them individually in a vision. The following day they couldn't wait to try again. Even Katie the most reticent of the three women had been hooked. Her natural female inquisitiveness for a two hundred and fifty year old lovers tryst had pushed her fears of the unknown to one side
 All three women trembled and giggled with excitement as they placed their fingers on the glass tumbler and Annie called for Jacob to visit again. It didn't take long before he made his presence known spelling out the words k.i.t.t.y then  h.e.l.p." 
The girls looked at each other with mixed feelings of excitement and intrigue burning deep inside their stomachs. 'Who is kitty? How can we help you?' Annie asked.
The glass spun violently, flying off the table crashing to the floor as a blast of icy cold air swept through the dining room, forming an exaggerated cloud of cold atomised mist above their heads. The temperature dropped to minus one as minuscule particles of ice formed, dropping small snowflakes onto the table. They sat frozen and terrified unable to move or speak. The cloud of stinking atomised miasma changed form presenting the grotesque disfigured face of a black man hovering only inches above their heads. The apparition of Jacob, his lips curled back in a silent snarl laughed hideously spraying its foetid breath. Riveted to the chairs as if spellbound all the girls could do was look on terrified, as the vision completely engulfed Katie in a grotesque parody of urgent sexual frenzy before disappearing in a spiralling smoke stream up through the ceiling; screaming and cursing obscenities as it departed.
Gagging with the taste and smell of rotting flesh the three women ran screaming from the dining room into the garden and bright sunshine. All three shaking, fear etched on their faces clinging together for comfort, crying tears of relief that they were safe vowing never to dabble again. 

A week later, they decided to meet up for a coffee. Katie was late. When she did finally arrive, both Janet and Annie were shocked. Katie, normally lively and sociable looked ill, dark circles cast shadows under her blue eyes, her face etched with fear and puffy from lack of sleep.      
Katie sat down; tears of desperation streaming down her face 'I feel terrible. I haven't slept for days; I'm frightened to close my eyes. Every time I doze of I get the same horrible nightmare.' She screwed her face up in disgust. 'That grotesque thing is mauling me, touching me everywhere.' She sobbed. 'He. he raped me he raped me with his rotting body. It's horrible, it's driving me mad.'   
Her two friends, their faces strained with empathy for their friends dilemma hung on to every word as Katie related her dream to them in a whisper.
 'In the dream I am the mistress of a huge house in Charleston and I'm looking out of the bedroom window. On the front lawn a huge bonfire is burning. Huddled around the fire, I can see a group of black people, men, women, and children, slaves I think, crying and wailing as white men flog Jacob who is tied to a tree. All of a sudden, the slaves turn on the white men with machetes... chopping hacking at them, it's horrible. The white men are screaming and pleading for their lives but the slaves take no notice and keeping hacking at them. Suddenly the doors to the room where I am burst open. It.Its Jacob, naked and horribly mutilated covered in blood. He rape.s, me.' Katie put her head in her hands and bursts into tears. 
Annie took one look at Janet and then back to Katie. 'This is all my fault; we should never have done it. There is only one-way to stop this, we have to contact him again; it's the only way to end it.

That afternoon they visited the public library. They found that in 1739 in Charleston South Carolina there had been a slave uprising known as "Cato's Conspiracy". Forty-four black slaves and thirty dependants of white slave owners had been murdered. The worst incident had taken place on a plantation owned by a James McDonald. The slaves there had murdered his wife Kitty and their three children.  
Annie shook her head. 'It still doesn't give us much to go on'
Janet gave a shrewd look. 'I'm not so sure. Wait a minute. What was the slave owner's wife called, did you say?' 
Katie's eyes lit up with excitement. 'Kitty. yes that's it, it was Kitty'
 	Both Annie and Janet gave her a blank stare. 
The tense expression on Katie's face softened as the truth dawned on her. 'Don't you see,' she laughed aloud. 'It's Kitty. and Kitty is a diminutive of Katie.' 
'That's right.' Janet said excitedly. 'Jacob thinks your kitty. The white slave owner raped Jacob's lover. and now he's getting his own back, by doing the same to Katie.'  
 	Annie's face lit up, her expression softening as she laughed to herself. 'Yes, if that's right then, all we have to do is tell him that what he's doing to Katie is wrong and that she's not Kitty and he'll go away.'  

That afternoon, each holding a crucifix in their hand they called upon the spirit of Jacob. It didn't take long. Janet spoke first her voice breaking with emotion her outstretched arm shaking visibly. 
'We know why you feel angry, Jacob, but Katie isn't Kitty. What you are doing is wrong. You have to stop. Now in the name of God we order you to go back to where you came from.'
The glass started vibrating spinning wildly off the table, as if an invisible hand had thrown it.
Their screams of terror filled the room, as a ghostly apparition of Jacob's macabre face twisted in a frenzied rage appeared hovering above the table.  
'No! No! Nan, Nan, Nan.' Jacob's naked apparition, his eyeless sockets, mere twinned pits in his mutilated face screamed obscenities spraying a foul smelling viscous. Unable to move they stared with fear-filled eyes as if locked into the apparition, watching as it buckled and twisted shape depicting the most gruesome faces of abject misery, torment, and grief. The room was plunged into an icy coldness as the hideous apparition turned slowly staring ghoulishly at Katie screaming. 'Miss Kitty kill. Miss Kitty kill.Miss Kitty kill.' 
Katie, her eyes bulging in terror flinched thrusting the crucifix into the apparition. Horrifying 
screams filled the room as the vision swirled above their heads violently as if in terrible torment as she began to chant the 23rd Psalm. 
 That night for the first time in a week Katie slept, peacefully free of the spirit of Jacob the black slave.
Three miles away Annie tossed and turned in her bed as Jacob's apparition appeared to her in a dream. Annie covered in perspiration sat upright in bed and screamed Jacobs's words still ringing in her ears, Nan, Nan. The spirit of Jacob released from his torment of revenge was now seeking his lost love. Her eyes widened in terror as she realised that Nan was a diminutive of Annie.
                                               THE END.


"the extent" 1578.
All articles on this website by rowland are copyright ©rowland and should not be reproduced without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.
Comments 
Carl
28 September 2008
I have critiqued your work as follows -

[First impressions]
I found your work interesting and believable
[Beginning]
I found the beginning compelling
I actually think you should remove the first two sentences. To me, they felt a little like a barrier to get past to get on with reading the rest of your story, rather than an invitation.
[Plot]
I thought your plot was good, exciting and distinguishable and had a central theme
[Characters]
I felt your characters were real people with real lives, faults and merits
[Dialogue]
Your dialogue was natural
Your dialogue moved the scene forward
[Overall comments]
A great read.
rowland
28 September 2008
Thanks for that Carl
Lupine Rob
22 October 2008
An intriguing short story, thart keeps the interest throughout. Also I'm guessing it's well researched, if not it's well bluffed!
Just a few things I spotted with regards to the writing:
-I think after dialogue if you are going to say who said it then it should be a comma at the end of the speech not a full stop.
-I think 'impregnated' would sound better than 'made pregant'.
-'Jacob thinks your Kitty' should be 'you're.'
-There are a few errors towards the end that I'm sure are just typo's, like starting sentences with lower case letters and one sentence that only consists of the word 'it.'
-Finally there seems to some examples of 'telling not showing', and seen as everybody on this site seems to be on hung up on and fearful of that 'rule', I thought I'd point them out. 
Riveted to chairs - 'as if spellbound'.
Eyes puffy - 'from lack of sleep' (she tells us herself that she hasn't been sleeping in her dialogue.
Glass flying across room - 'as if thrown by an invisible hand'.

All in all though I enjoyed reading it and I'm sure there is scope there for a longer piece if you wish.
rubyblaze
18 November 2008
i have just finished reading rowlands short story 'Oujia Board' and for quite a short story i thought it was great, full of content with a good plot and characters that i could truly imagine as i read.

then i read a comment from lupine rob who talked of a rule regarding 'telling instead of showing' and a couple of examples one being  'eyes puffy from lack of sleep' 
can someone pls tell me why it is wrong to describe what one character sees when she looks at her friend, if that friend later through dialogue, explains that she hasn't slept? 
im a newbie both to this site and to writing and could do with a little help here and there, i thought the comment was over critical and it worries me that im obviously wrong.

thanks ruby
Lupine Rob
19 November 2008
This is really a comment on Ruby's comment. Hi Ruby, first of all there is no 'right and wrong' with writing as far as I'm concerned, so you certainly don't need to worry about being wrong. Secondly I write my critiques in a manner I would appreciate myself, firstly telling them what I enjoyed about the piece then how I believe it could be even better (of course it's just my opinion, but it's the only one I can give). With the pieces I've put on here people certainly haven't been shy in criticising them, which can only help me. With regards to 'eyes puffy from lack of sleep line'. All I was saying was that if you say a character's eyes are puffy, then the reader can deduce themselves that she may be suffering from lack of sleep. It's the character with the puffy eyes that goes on to say that she has been suffering from lack of sleep, so the reader has been told the same thing twice in the space of two or three lines. It's one of the so called golden rules of writing to 'show not tell', Carl and Rowland know far more about it than I do so if you want more details I suggest you ask them.
To comment on somebody's work that it was wonderful, is nice and great for the writer to read. But doesn't really help them in how it can be improved, and as with everything in life it can always be better. Of course the opinions offered can be ignored and that's fine, but by offering them at least the writer has be given the option to make a change.
Hope that makes sense or at least something close to it. 
Happy writing.
rubyblaze
19 November 2008
sorry rowland for replying to another member along side ur story but as it was regardng that piece of work i hope u will understand

ruby again to lupine rob

thanks for the comment regrding telling not showing i will take it on board 

however,  when i said that rowans work was 'wonderful' i said it with sincerity not flattery.  as u mentioned in your reply regarding your critiques, 'it was my opnion  and therefore the only one i could give'

i am totally new to writing but will always give an honest comment on what i read  i will never write something i do not mean, i also know that constructive critisism is a valuable tool and helped me to gain my LLB hons.

thanks ruby
rowland
19 November 2008
Thanks for the critique, it is much appreciated  

You were quite right "your" should be "you're."

When writing dialogue and referring to a second party as I did in this particular sentence, it makes for conclusive reading to break the sentence with a period rather than a comma, which could have caused confusion. This shows the personal style of the writer.

Although the word "impregnate" refers to make someone pregnant, it primarily means to soak, steep, saturate, drench; etc. Therefore in this case it is the personal choice of the writer. 
"Showing instead of telling." There seems to be some kind of friction about this subject. Let me say from the start. All writers have their own style and that is important because otherwise our writing would be robotic and uninteresting. Showing instead of telling in ones writing is not about being smart or clever with words. It is about making ones writing more interesting to the reader and also it allows the writer to be more creative. Now, having said that, this doesn't mean that every word or scene has to be set down in such a fashion. In all writing there are background facts. These should not be set down in large indigestible chunks of narrative. If they are, then the reader will skip this as boring narrative and possibly miss not taking in what it is the writer wants to get over.  All I say is this, if you can subtly convey these facts through dialogue; thoughts and reaction, "showing instead of telling," then our writing will be that much more interesting. Again, showing instead of telling is a personal thing and no two writers will show in the same way.
Good writing.

Regards
rowland
19 November 2008
Hi Rubyblaze,
Thanks for your critique.
In respect of Lupine Rob and his comment about:
  
"face etched with fear and puffy from lack of sleep." 

He is referring to "View Point" rather than "telling instead of showing."   VP is the supposition on behalf of the writer to assume that because Katie had puffy eyes then Janet and Annie could not possibly know that her puffy eyes were caused through lack of sleep. 
View Point is very easy to understand when broken down to the basic elements. I.e.  Imagine yourself in the role of view point character.  If you want to tell your friend about an appraisal meeting you had with your supervisor say, you will only be able what you observed and what you heard. You cannot possibly know what your supervisor was thinking-or indeed, if that person was telling the truth when they spoke. If you do then it is assumption or guesswork on your part. The only rule about the use of VP is that there is no rule. All I say is do not take it to extreme. A lot of successful writers are very cavalier with viewpoint, but they are successful and get away with it. Any flagrant breach of view point will I assure you be a reason for discarding your novel by publishers. It is a complicated matter and one made much easier and more understandable if we read plenty of fiction. Read any fiction very critically and pick up on how that author gets around this subject and what techniques they use. One of the exercises I had to do a few years ago was to write one of my own short stories in a different viewpoint and different tense. If you haven't written anything yet then take a passage from a favourite novel, it is well worth trying out, you will be surprised what you learn. 
Regards Rowland
Chris Harvey
29 January 2009
I enjoyed this - just my cuppa tea. Concisely and effectively told. Nice twist too - didn't see it coming. Would certainly like to read more of your stories. Good work!!

Chris

Writer
rowland

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Roles: Writer
Xabia Alicante, SPAIN
Rowland has been writing for pleasure all his life. His first award for writing came in 1953 aged nine years when he won a UK school story writing competition and has been smitten with the writing bug ... (Read more)