Destiny by danigirl

Caleb full of despair looked at his best friend his eyes begging him to do him this one last favor. "Please Sebastion, your my only hope! There's no one else I can trust." He pleaded.
Sebastion hesitant to grant this friend this one last favor slowly rose to his feet and took a step toward him, gripping him by the shoulders. "Do you know what you've done. If they ever find out they'll surly hunt it down and kill it. It's an abomination." He exclaimed.
Caleb stood his ground against his friends wronged judgment of what were to be his children. "Then we'll have to make sure they don't find out until it's to late." Caleb could now hear the faint footsteps of the men who were being sent to bring him to be judged for his crime.
"I didn't want to do this Sebastion, but I guess I don't have a choice. Don't forget you owe me. I'm not the only one who has sinned against God. You just got lucky and haven't got caught!"
Sebastion gasped as he realized that Caleb knew about Angela. "That's right, I know about her. I've known for along time, and I've kept it a secret. Now please help me."
Sebastion nodded in agreement as the men entered the room to take Caleb to his judgment. They each seized hold of one of Caleb's arms and lead him out of the room without a word spoken. It was the least he could do for the man who had kept his secret. If Caleb only knew how far it had actually gone, that he too had created what was known as an abomination in their world. He had gotten lucky though and had not been found out or he to would be facing the same punishment.
Caleb didn't resist the men. He went with them willingly knowing that this was the best way to keep Evalin safe. If the men only knew the whole truth, that his beloved Evalin was pregnant. She would be hunted down and killed before she could give birth. But he had hidden her before they could realize that. Now it was up to Sebastion to look over her and keep her safe for as long as he possibly could.

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Comments

shakat

26 September 2009

I'm interested in all this talk of abominations and secrets, so well done. Some semantics: If you want to put a tag after dialogue, remember that it is part of the sentence.  "There's no one else I can trust." He pleaded." should be "There is no one else I can trust," he pleaded." That way the description of the dialogue is tied to the speech itself. 

I get the point that there was some chance involved, but is it necessary to say 'lucky' twice? 

I'm discovering that hooks are difficult things: too much info and it's too long; too little info and it's confusing. I think this might be a little on the short side... but the nice thing is that the story can flush out the missing details if done well. Keep it up! I'm worried about Evalin... and curious to see if this will be her story, the story of her child or Sebastion's story!