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I enjoyed reading this. There are typos (filles, coolly) and structures that can use so polishing (Being rude to someone older than her by as much years as I am older than Susan. ??), but what keeps me interested is the rivalry between the two girls and their love toward their parents. I feel a warm coziness... I hope the "ghost" of this story is benign and not the scary type!
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I have critiqued your work as follows -
[First impressions]
I found your work interesting and believable
I found your work to have an easy, rolling rhythm that moved the story forward
This is is rather endearing story that shows sibiling rivilary in a very real form. I won't comment on some of the typos that are prominent in the text as someone has previously pointed these out, but it is good practice to get these areas perfect if you want to get a reader involved in a story without to much comfusion about what you wanted to write, rather than what is written. It also is a good idea to get these areas right if you are wanting to send your work off to publishers, as they are more than likely not going read beyond the first few paragraphs if your text is littered with spelling mistakes.
[Beginning]
I found the beginning compelling
I felt it is a story with a lot of promise. However the opening statement; "I was happy that day. I woke up angry with everyone, I know" confused me from the start. If the character is "Happy", then why were they "angry with everyone"? I think it has to be one or the other. Or explain why the character is happy and angry at the same time.
[Overall comments]
Overall it is a good story. Perhaps you could find some more interesting words to use as there was a lot of repetition. ie "Tapped too hard", "make sure I tap you", Mabye I tapped her too hard" and "walked coolly" "Dad was cool"
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Thanks guys, your comments are helpful and very appreciated. Will work on repeating words and my typos too. I need to make the spell checker a friend!
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Here I go again...I actually meant I will work on not repeating words to give my story more depth...
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