[ Join The Writers' Circle • Forgotten my password • Log in ]
Life and Death When the sun has risen, And the world awakens, Life is aroused from its slumber, And the old man rises. When the sun is high, And the world is busy, Life and death are forgotten, And the old man works. When the sun has set, And the world is asleep, Death is aroused from its slumber, And the old man dreams. And then the old man... dies.
Your poem is very well written! I would ditch the very last line; and change "and the old man dreams" to "and the old man dies". But this is my humble opinion only!