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Scott, as one nature-lover to another, I applaud your concern for the environment. Your last line packs a powerful punch and it speaks for all of us!
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Wow! I read the first verse and did not stop till I reached the end......................... and then I felt a frisson of disappointment about the final line.
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I like this poem but i felt like it was two different messages.
i really enjoyed the beauty described in the first part and also agreed with the dramatic message of the last lines i'm just not sure if they two parts mesh well together.
Just my opinion though!
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Thanks for taking the time to comment on my poem. Yes, you are quite right, it does deal with two separate themes, intentionally so. I like to take readers down a comfortable path and then push them off to look at a different view.
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How could one not see, read and learn
Better not to cry after the milk is no longer there
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How could human not see and learn
Better not to cry after the milk is spilt
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how could human not see and learn
better not to cry after the milk is spilt
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Jasminewuu (Jasmine?) thanks for your comments - perhaps your line could be my last line (which is causing some controversy) except it doesn't rhyme (I need the famous Shakespearean rhyming couplet at the end for impact)
Thanks for taking the trouble to comment
Scott
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Maybe it's got something to do with our age difference. Unlike some of the readers, I'm not bothered by the last line. In fact, I like the impact it carries. We often talked about the "virgin" forest ... and the "rape" of Nanjing ... It's not a sex thing.
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i think you should change the last line... it doesn't seem to fit with the rest of your poem... but at least its not boring!
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Scott...I absolutely loved everything about this poem until I reached the end. The "feel" of the poem throughout described the beauty that only nature (God) can achieve. Then, at the end, the "tone" of the poem changed to one of "anger or bitterness" toward mankind. I think your point could have been achieved without changing the feel of the entire poem. I still think it's a good poem, however.
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Thanks for the compliment about the poem - you know that the last line is causing different views and I cannot decide if to change it. Perhaps I should send it to the conference currently in Copenhagen!
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What's wrong with using a euphemistic phrase in poetry?
"There's no repairing the virgin after the rape" I think is perfect for the message being imparted by the poet Scottb.
Whether it be, Rape of the Environment, Rape of Mother Earth, Rape Of Nanjing (Nanking), Rape of Southeast Asia (when the Japanese plundered the region for its gold bullion and treasures), Rape of the Sick and Dying when Big Pharma 'invents' designer virii to test on innocent victims in order to make billions selling vaccines to scared governments, Rape of the victims of the Japanese Emperor's Unit 731, Rape of innocent parishioners by pedophile priests ... they might all be considered 'virgin rapes' and no repairing it after the rape.
Just my two cents.
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This poem is a wake up call to the reader, making them aware of the beauty of Mother Nature - God's divine creation and how we all need to lend our help and support to keeping the enviroment pure, by taking much better care of it than we currently do. I love the use of metaphor in the final line of the poem, it is the icing on the poetic cake for me! I love the vivid visual detail in the poem, breathtakingly beautiful. The poem flows effortlessly from your golden poetic pen and is so creatively expressed. Perfect rhythm and rhyme, I have so enjoyed reading. A very potent write with a very strong message for the reader. Thank you for kindly sharing. Blessings always.......... |