Reality by Benclarke

'Thank you sir,'
Derek McCann left the Hilton with a strong feeling of pride in himself.
When his boss called his name for 'Most Loyal Employee', for the first time, he was genuinely proud of himself.
With his complimentary champagne in his hand and his prize money of £120 in his wallet, he reached for the car door handle, setting off the alarm in the process.
He started the ignition, hearing that usual squeaking sound he hears every time his Renault Megane starts.

Putting his foot on the acceleration, his head was taken back and hit the seat.
'Nothing a bottle of champagne can't fix,'He tilted his head back and let the champagne drain down his throat like water down a pipe.

He was finally brought to a straight road. Speed Limit-50mph.

Another drink brought larger unawareness of the cars around him.
Speeding up, he overtook a small racing car dangerously, to the owner's displeasure. Fist waving and dirty looks followed.

He came to a large country road and saw a man and woman talking in the distance, the woman sitting on a fence and the man standing in front of her.
'Nice legs' he thought
At that moment, a lone labrador stumbled into Derek's windscreen view.
Derek frantically swung his arms round the steering wheel, causing himself to flip into the dawn sky.

He glanced over at the dog which whimpered and ran.
'The girl! '

His car dropped and veered towards the man and woman, causing Derek to black out.
They had no chance of reacting in time.

The last thing Derek heard was a crush and a scream.

An hour later, Derek, back in consciousness, stumbled towards the woman, and what was left of the man. All sorts of things were running through his head.

He fell down on the ground and cried.

NEVER, EVER DRINK AND DRIVE

All articles on this website by Benclarke are copyright ©Benclarke and should not be reproduced without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.

Comments

Benclarke

01 January 2010

I got the idea for this from an advert about drink driving that's always on TV

Benclarke

02 January 2010

please please comment and rate!

debbie reynolds

02 January 2010

Firstly, Happy New Year. 
Quite an appropriate 'Message' in your story, personally, I would re-read through the parts that need a little tweaking. It sends the message across, well done for that!

Benclarke

02 January 2010

what parts do you think I would need to tweak?

audreyhepburn

02 January 2010

Nice!
Good message for 2010
Audrey

Benclarke

02 January 2010

thanks audrey! Thanks for the comment!

taylorswift97

08 January 2010

Really good message to it. I'm sure that all readers can feel the sadness and the tragidy in this piece will send the message across.

Keiron

12 January 2010

Hi Ben,
I know the advert the question. Most anti-drink drive adverts you see aim to shock, but this particular one came vividly back to mind in your line: "and what was left of the man."
Simple yet harrowing, so effective in portraying the full horror of the event.

writer113

27 January 2010

good message, but there is a prt in the story that is very confusing:

This is cool -- He came to a large country road and saw a man and woman talking, the woman sitting on a fence and the man standing in front of her. 
'Nice legs' he thought. 
Derek continued down the country road until, a lone labrador stumbled into his windscreen view.
.
.
.
His car dropped and veered towards the man and woman, causing Derek to black out.
They had no chance of reacting in time.

How can he drive past them and then later down the road swerve from a Lab and crash into them?

That's the confusing part another commenter was talking about. 

Still, good message.

Scottb

31 January 2010

I think you have a typo: "his head was taken back at hit the seat.". Yes, I lost it a bit , too, and wondered how he managed to hit the man. Perhaps you can change, " Derek continued down the country road until," to something like, "At that moment".