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Another in my style. This was rejected by 'People's Friend'. Thanks for looking by debcraft

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Another in my style. This was rejected by 'People's Friend'. Thanks for looking

By debcraft | Posted: 14 October 2008

Views: 413
"The Sergeant Major "

Kathryn wiped the sweat from her brow. "That's it, girl, keep going. Just think of all that fat you're burning. "

That was the trouble. She knew she should be thinking of getting rid of the handfuls of excess flab but her thoughts still kept running towards the mug of steaming hot coffee with a giant apple turnover she'd really wanted. 
"Only 10 minutes to go - put some speed into it!" the personal trainer bellowed at her. Kathryn kept running. She wanted to wipe away the torrents of sweat running down her face but thought she'd unbalance and fall if she did anything other than run and breathe. Her breath was catching in the back of her throat as her jelly-like legs pushed themselves on the treadmill. "OK. Cool down." The trainer said, banging the button. Kathryn could have kissed him. Her heart was pounding fit to burst from her chest and fly around the gym like a too-filled balloon let loose.

"That's the end of your free trial, Kathryn. I think you would benefit from a personal training session once a week and I would develop a tailored regime for you to use twice a week without me. Book your sessions with the staff at reception"

Kathryn took the sheet he'd passed to her and stood, waiting for the ability to speak to return. She wanted to tell him she would rather poke pins in her eyes than do another personal training session with him but, too late, he'd gone to inflict pain on his next victim.

In the shower cubicle, Kathryn held her hands over her face as the powerful hot water massaged her tired muscles. She got to thinking why she'd come to the gym in the first place and shuddered with embarrassment as she remembered. She was searching for some documents behind some filing cabinets when she heard her assistant, Tricia rattle some coins "It's Kathryn's 40th next month and we're all clubbing together to get her something really nice. Do you want to contribute?" Kathryn stayed down, she didn't want to spoil the surprise from her work colleagues.

"The way she dresses I thought she was already in her 40s" she heard Pam say as she dropped a few coins into the envelope. "Mind you, all the outsize styles are for 40+ aren't they?"

Kathryn burned with hurt.  She crawled on the floor out to the corridor to avoid being seen. As she stood and brushed herself down she thought her clothes weren't that bad. She wore flat shoes for comfort and a plain blouse and skirt to appear smart and professional. 
 
It was later that evening, feet curled beneath her as she relaxed on her soft leather settee, that she decided that she would lose some weight before her birthday.  The local free paper had an advertisement in it for a "Free personal training session! Just telephone for an appointment and we'll assign a trainer who will assess your fitness."

Kathryn finished her shower and dressed.  Despite hating every minute of the training session she'd enjoyed the power shower and the luxury of taking her time to apply her make up in front of the well-lit mirrors in the very nicely designed changing rooms. 

She decided to have a glass of spring water in the sleek café bar adjoining the gym before going home. As she looked out of the window she could see couples, families and people with their dogs walking around the beautiful reservoir. "It takes a good hour and a half to walk around that reservoir." Said a deep voice. "Do you mind if I sit here, it's the only spare seat?"

Kathryn looked up and smiled into the friendly face of the man standing over her. "Sure, help yourself" she replied.

"Hello, I'm Peter. I saw you earlier in the gym with the SM and really felt for you."
Kathryn blushed. This man had seen her at her absolute worst.
"I'm Kathryn" she took his offered hand and shook it. "The SM? What's that?"
"Not what, who." he corrected, pointing at the personal trainer. "Everyone calls him the SM - short for Sergeant Major. I had him last month on a free trial" he told her.
Kathryn let out a chuckle "That's why I'm here too.  Did you join?" She asked him
"Yes - but just the gym. I didn't book any more personal training sessions.   
"That sounds much better than putting up with him" she looked over to the personal trainer who seemed to have finished for lunch. He stood at the counter, his contoured muscles showing beneath his tightly fitting sports outfit, and asked for a wheat-grass smoothie with wholegrain pasta and tofu salad.
Peter and Kathryn made the kind of face at each other a small child would make when given a plate of sprouts. "Shall we show him what living is really about?" Peter said as he got up and walked to the counter.
"Two cappuccinos and two of the biggest, naughtiest cakes you have" he looked around the refrigerated display and then pointed to the huge Danish pastries in the refrigerated display "yes - those, please" he said, with confidence.
Kathryn glanced over at the SM as Peter placed the very unhealthy tray down. "Get stuck in" he said to her as he passed her share of the treats. "I visit the gym for a quick work out during the week but on a Saturday I like to walk around the reservoir before doing some weights then come in here for my lunch. A treat once a week will do you more good than harm." He smiled as they both tucked in to a very delicious Danish. 

"Happy Birthday to you.Happy Birthday to you!" Kathryn blew the 40 candles out on her birthday cake. "Speech, speech!" everyone shouted.
Kathryn sparkled with confidence. Her healthy diet and exercise routine had given her skin and hair its healthy glow back. "I'd just like to say thank you all for coming and before we get the dancing started, I'd also like to say a special thank you to Pam." Everyone turned to a very confused looking Pam. "Without whose help I wouldn't have dropped two dress sizes or met my lovely Peter" Winking at an open mouthed Pam, Kathryn, looking stunning in her fitted red satin dress and kitten heeled shoes took Peter's hand as he led her onto the dance floor.
All articles on this website by debcraft are copyright ©debcraft and should not be reproduced without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.
Comments 
Carl
15 October 2008
This isn't as strong a story as the other two I've read so far. Nonetheless it is complete, has a good plot, and I still enjoyed reading it!

There were a couple of places where you TOLD rather than SHOWED: e.g.
"As she stood and brushed herself down she thought her clothes weren't that bad."

Some of the telling rather than showing examples are a little hard to get around (for instance in the example I've taken...) You usually need a third character to be involved - e.g. Pam. Perhaps you should have had Kathryn disagree with Pam when she said "The way she dresses I thought she was already in her 40s" rather than skulk away.

There wasn't too much telling rather than showing. Perhaps it's okay as it is.

Writer
debcraft

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