The Writers' Circle

"Waiting at the Gates"


By Debra Tracey


Shirley hated waiting at the school gates.  All the other mums, dads and grandparents seemed to know each other. They'd smile and chat together as they ruffled the hair of each other's children.

Pulling the hood of her fleece over her head to cover her face and pushing her hands deeper into the pockets, Shirley hoped she had succeeded in becoming invisible. It worked too well because when the school doors opened and the children dashed out, one of them ran into her, nearly knocking her off balance.

"Whoa, there! Are you alright?" asked a concerned voice.  

Shirley felt her cheeks become hot.  "I'm fine, really. Thank you." 

"Are you sure, that must have hurt? Jonathon, say you're sorry to the lady." 

"Sorry." 

"It's ok, really." Shirley said, meaning it. She looked at the face of the concerned voice.  She found her cheeks redden, again, as the face was kindly and ruggedly handsome with deep blue eyes.

"I've not seen you here before" said the voice "I'm Jack, the dynamo's uncle."

Shirley smiled, feeling a little more relaxed. "I'm Shirley and this is my daughter, Shauna" she gestured towards a mini replica of herself, shyly walking towards them. "We've just moved into the area."

Shauna disappeared behind her mum's back. Jack could see that not only did she share her mother's strawberry blonde hair but also her grey blue eyes with dark brown lashes, which were set in an almost elfin shaped face.

"Well, it was nice meeting you. Goodbye." Shirley almost carried Shauna away and almost instantly they had gone.

"That's the new girl in our class, Uncle Jack." Said Jonathon. "She'd dead shy. The teacher makes her sit at the front of the class but you can tell she doesn't like it.  She never talks to anyone, not even me and I've tried, honest I have but she just looks away. Some of the other kids have said she's just rude but I don't think she is, Uncle Jack, do you?"

"No, lad, I don't think she's rude.  I think she's just very shy.

Shirley opened the door of her house and ushered Shauna in.  Shauna did what she usually did, flung her satchel and coat in the corner of the hall and fled into the garden to hug her rabbit. Shirley could barely hold back the tears as she watched her daughter. She looked so lonely. She knew how she felt.

The next week at school Shirley still had her hood pulled over her face and her hands in her pockets. She waited for Shauna to come out of school and was surprised to see that she wasn't alone. Jonathon was walking with her and they seemed to be talking. 

Shirley took Shauna's hand, nodded reciprocally to Jack and took her home.

She opened the door as usual and watched as the satchel and coat were flung in the corner but before dashing out to the garden Shauna got herself a glass of milk. "Mum, can I have a biscuit, please?" Shirley passed the digestives.  

"It was nice to see you walking out of school with someone."

"His name's Jonathon. He said he nearly knocked you over last week. He asked how you were." Shauna said.

"That was very kind of him." Shirley sat beside her daughter and thought she was far too young to have the weight of the World on her shoulders.  She felt a spark of optimism for the first time since moving to the area that Shauna might make some friends.

"He seems nice, Mum." Shauna finished her milk and biscuits then went out to cuddle her rabbit. Shirley watched, relieved to see her ten year old a little less lonely than the day before.

The school bell went rang out and all the parents closed in around the doors.  Shirley thought she saw a couple of the parents smile at her. And she sent a shy one back to them.

"Hi there, been knocked over by any human dynamo's, lately?" Jack smiled at Shirley.  She thought how nice his lopsided smile was. She laughed and said she was now on the ball and unlikely to get in the way in future.

It became a regular thing that the children would come out of school together, chatting and even laughing.  Over a few weeks other children would join in and Shirley felt happier about her daughter than she had in a long time.

Winter was definitely over and spring was well underway.  The school garden had an amazing display of crocuses, which had been planted by the children the previous autumn. 

"Thank goodness it's Friday!" commented one the mums. Shirley nodded and waved as her new acquaintance walked away with her daughter. Shirley found herself looking around for Jack. He was usually here by now. Where was he?

Shauna came out with some friends but there was no sign of Jonathon.

"Hi Mum" Shauna skipped over to her mum but then stopped when she thought it might not be cool to do so.

"See you on Monday Shauna!" shouted her friends.

When they got home, Shirley asked her daughter where Jonathon was.  

"Oh he had to go somewhere with his Uncle Jack."

"Really. And what about his parents? How come they don't pick him up from school?" Shirley knew she shouldn't really be interrogating her daughter like this but she was still feeling a little hurt that Jack wasn't there today. The realisation that she was feeling hurt shocked her and she needed to know more about this man who had awoken some unwanted feelings.

"They're both dead."

"Oh! Oh, that's terrible. I didn't know. How awful for Jonathon." Shirley sat down. Her own troubles pushed to the back of her mind.

"Yep, they were in a car crash coming back from the hospital after Jonathon was born.  His Uncle Jack said it was a miracle that he survived. Another centimetre and that would have been IT for Jonathon too!" Shauna pulled her finger across her throat as she shared this information. Shirley's hand rushed to her mouth in an attempt to push the emotion back in that threatened to escape.

"Oh my goodness!"

"His Uncle Jack has brought Jonathon up since then. His twin brother was Jonathon's Dad. It's been ten years today since they died. I think Jack said something about having a dedication or something." Shauna didn't blink an eye as she revealed this startling information to her mum. Oblivious to her mum's shock, Shauna went out to care for her rabbit.

Shirley was frustrated at having to wait until Monday to see Jack. She needed to know that he was alright. 

Sinking a the chair, Shirley realised that she'd been so wrapped up in her own thoughts it hadn't occurred to her that there were others around her dealing with their own issues. She thought back to how Jack had been kind to her and brought her out of herself. She no longer stood in the playground with her hood up. She'd even started to add a little lip shine before collecting Shauna.  She closed her eyes and saw how Jack and Jonathon's support over the weeks had helped Shauna's confidence grow.  Jonathon obviously adored his Uncle Jack and emulated his generous spirit.

Feeling more than a little ashamed she realised she hadn't questioned herself as to why would an attractive, and seemingly unattached, man in his mid 30s collected his nephew most days from school.

It must have been hard for him to lose his twin. Tears of sadness for Jack slid silently down her face; tears for Jonathon for losing his parents and tears for Shauna for having a mother who'd made the wrong choice for the father of her child.

Removing an album from the top of the wardrobe, Shirley forced herself to look at the newspaper clippings.

"Police have issued a statement that the drugs haul they found in the viaduct lock-ups was the largest recorded.  PC Jenson told our reporter that the criminals responsible would be in prison for a very long time."

Running a finger over the photo frame of a portrait picture she'd had taken of her and Shauna saddened Shirley further. She'd run away with her daughter to Scotland to be as far away from Shauna's father as was physically possible.

Paul Rickson, husband to Shirley Rickson and father to Shauna Rickson was also the ringleader of the group who had masterminded the drugs haul. There were firearms found with his fingerprints and he was given life imprisonment.

Shirley felt so foolish. She'd fallen for Paul when they met at a friend's 21st Birthday party. She knew he lived recklessly but didn't for one moment imagine he was into something so bad. So, the day Paul was safely put away in prison, Shirley packed a few essentials into her reliable old Ford Fiesta and, handing the house keys in at the bank on the way, left her old life behind as she took her four year old daughter to safety.

Promising herself she would never, ever, get involved with a man again, Shirley distanced herself from everyone. 

The police had given her information about a safe house in Scotland.  She was lucky they could give her and Shauna somewhere to stay until she was able to find work to support them. She found the perfect job too, 10.00 a.m. to 2.00 p.m. in a call centre.  A faceless voice to complete strangers she was able to isolate herself from the potential of meeting anyone.  Renting made it easier to move around and not put roots down but eventually she felt that Shauna needed to stop having to change schools so often.  She was becoming more and more withdrawn and Shirley knew that she was to blame.

It had taken a lot of hard work but eventually Shirley had saved enough for the deposit on a small cottage in Renfrewshire. The cottage she hoped would become a proper home for Shauna and herself.

Her attempts to close herself off from any kind of relationship had worked very well but she hadn't reckoned for Jack Duncan slowly infiltrating her feelings. She realised she had developed some strong feelings for him.

"Mum! Mum! Where are you?"

"I'm here - what is it?"

"I forgot to tell you, yesterday I asked Jonathon if he could come round tomorrow because you usually make apple pie on a Saturday and there's always some left and he said he'd have to ask his Uncle Jack and I said OK and he said to give his number and."

"You gave Jack our number?" Shirley gasped.  

"Yes - and he's on the phone now wanting to speak to you!"

Shirley sat still for a moment and took a deep breath to compose herself. He was alright. Jack was on the telephone waiting to speak to her. She wiped the tears from her eyes. "OK, I'll take the call up here" she called to Shauna.

Shirley picked up the handset very slowly "Got it, Shauna". She waited for the click. "Hello, Jack.?" she tried desperately to keep her voice level.

"Hello Shirley, I'm just calling to talk about tomorrow, Jonathon said he's supposed to be coming over, is that right?"

Trying to keep her heart from beating out of her chest Shirley imagined Jack was just another caller at work "Yes that's right if it's ok with you" she trilled "I was going to take Shauna to the cinema and then make spag bol with apple pie for afters."

"Sounds great, do you think it could stretch to four?"

Shirley paused. This was nothing like speaking to a caller at work. This was Jack. Her voice softened "Yes I think it could quite easily stretch to four. Are you inviting yourself over?" she smiled.

"Do you mind?" Jack's voice quietened

"No. I think it's about time I had a friend over.  See you at 11 o'clock?"

"I'll look forward to it. Bye Shirley".

Shirley rested the handset back on the cradle. She lay back on her bed and smiled a huge smile.  Then, jumping up, she removed the newspaper articles before replacing the album.  Downstairs she called to Shauna to join her. Placing the articles into the mouth of the shredder, Shirley asked her daughter to press the button and as the buzz of the shredder destroyed the hold the past had had on them, mother and daughter smiled and hugged each other. "Tomorrow's a new day, Shauna".