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Internet shed

By churchmouse | Posted: 17 January 2010

Views: 250
Editor's choice
Editor's choice
It is a little known fact that the internet was invented in 1973 for the sole reason that Mrs Briggs was sick of walking to the shed at the bottom of the garden to tell her husband that his tea was ready.
Of course, it is written in the Magna Carta, that it is every Englishman's birthright to have a shed, and Norman Briggs was particulally fond of his. When not arranging screws in jam jars, or taking toasters apart, he would spend most of his time there watching old black and white movies.
His wife did not mind that he spent so much time in the shed, but resented having to take her curlers out before she walked down the garden in case Mrs Fredrice next door saw her.
She confronted her husband about this one night, and the next day Norman set about creating a system of communication that would become known as the world wide web.
Within 2 days he had acheived his task, by nailing together an electric typewriter, a fax machine and a TV screen. Fortunately, all his nails and screws were in the right jars, otherwise it would have taken him much longer.
From her work station next to the washing machine in the house, Mrs Briggs could now pass information to her husband in the shed, without having to remove her curlers. The very first e-mail sent that would change to world was:
Your dinner is ready, and if you are not here in 5 minutes, I am going to give it to the dog.
When the message flashed up on Norman's TV screen halfway through his viewing of the 39 steps. He immediaterly returned to the house and went to the dinner table.
Pablov would have been proud.
News of the Brigg's new communication system soon spread to other people. Carol Drinkwater, the heavily made up woman who lived 3 doors away, suggested that if she had a machine similar to that of Mrs Briggs, The 2 women could gossip about Mrs Fredrice without being overheard. As a result, a new cable was passed to Norman's shed, where Norman would recieve a message from one of the women and pass it to the other. Thus it was that messaging via the internet was established. For the record, the first message sent via the web was:
Did you see the dress she was wearing yesterday. It made her look like an elephant.
As time when on, more and more people became connected to Norman's shed, or the internet as it had become called. After a while, there were so many cables running into the shed, that it became difficult to squeeze through the door. Norman also found that he was so busy recieving and sending messages that he hardly had time left to organise his jars of screws, and bits of broken toaster.
"Honestly" He said to Mr Ebay, who ran the second hand shop near the gasworks. "It's getting too much. Sometimes when I come back from the toilet, there can be more than 20 messages there, waiting for me to send on"
Still it was Norman's proud boast, that he had only ever lost one message. He had copied it down on the back of his wife's shopping list, and when she went to the shops with it and had finished her shopping, she had given the list to some one who had accidentaly left their own list at home.
Norman decided that he had to try and sell the internet. So he placed a card in the local newsagent's window. It read
FOR SALE. WORLD WIDE COMMUNICATION SYSTEM. ONE CAREFUL OWNER. MAINTAINED REGARDLESS OF COST. SERIOUS OFFERS INVITED.
He wasn't sure what sort of response he would get, so he paid an extra 50 pence to run the advert for 2 weeks.
After 10 days the only response he had, was from evil Mr Chambelain who owned the local meat canning factory, and who had invented spam. Norman did not really want to sell to him, but the task of running the internet was becoming a strain, and he also wanted to take his wife away for a short holiday. Fortunately, he had a stroke of luck. Mr Stratton from the cricket club had heard about Norman's problem, and offered to look after the internet while Norman took his wife to Birmingham for the week-end.
When they returned, Mr Stratton offered to stay on and help out. With 2 people receiving and passing on e-mails, the system became twice as quick. Thus was born: High speed internet.

They are still there to this day. Running the internet from the shed at the bottom of the garden. So each time you send an e-mail. Don't forget that its powered by Briggs and Stratton.
All articles on this website by churchmouse are copyright ©churchmouse and should not be reproduced without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.
Comments 
m n m n I
17 January 2010
Hope Briggs and Stratton's noisy internet caught up with Wi-Fi
When you tell a tall tale, it's quite tall
and you can mow 'em all . . .

HI five
Grampa Pogi
18 January 2010
Churchmouse,

What a wonderful tale, tall as it is, spam and all that. 

If I would discount spelling errors (particulally, acheived, immediaterly, Pablov, recieve and recieving,) and wrong use of words in phrases, ('would change to world was', 'As time when on'), which would make more sense if 'to' is changed to 'the' and 'when' to 'went', I would give it an "A+".

Indeed Pavlov would hold back his dogs from soiling the grass before the BS-powered lawn mower strikes and definitely would've been really proud. :-)
Evita Sagalongos
22 January 2010
I like the story, it gives me an overview of what I am using today, but is this a true story?  

Regards =)
Festerocious
03 February 2010
Churchmouse,

I'm very impressed with your work.
A cross between Douglas Adams and Robert Rankin.

I do wonder how many other men use Jam Jars for the purpose of screw and Nail seperation, I know I do.
mature gent
09 February 2010
Brilliant I never knew that the internet started in a shed but then again the speed mine works it hasn't improved much. You have a very inventive imagination, and I feel sure there is a nich in the market for your work well done churchmouse.
MATURE GENT
churchmouse
09 February 2010
Ah Mature Gent. So kind and generous with your praise for a silly unpaid scribe. Thank you for your comments. It is always very nice to receive kind words. It makes the day so much brighter. I try to comment on most peoples work except poetry (which I don't understand.) but having only joined the site a month ago, I haven't got around to reading it all yet. However I did read the article that you submitted about your wife's cancer treatment. I wanted to write to say that it was a deeply moving article, but I could see that your wife is much more important to you than your writing and it somehow seemed trite for me to comment on something so personal.
I hope that she is OK. and I thank you once again.
Wombat
06 March 2010
A really nice shory story, it works really well.

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