This is the first script I have ever written really. It's completely mad and really just for fun, but please read it and comment on it.
Scene 1
Menacing music rattles in the background. The introductory titles rise up and fade away over a black background. Suddenly light appears. We're looking into a room. A man is standing in the middle. As the light turns on, he backs away, blinded.
NARRATOR
Ouch, hey, watch it, will you?
CAMERAPERSON
Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to.
NARRATOR (ANGRY)
You almost blinded me. You idiot.
CAMERAPERSON
Oh man, look, I'll buy you dinner, it'll be ok.
NARRATOR
No it won't. You've ruined everything. I can't believe you did that.
NARRATOR continues talking as he walks out the door.
NARRATOR
Ouch my poor eyes.
NARRATOR leaves the room. The CAMERAPERSON is left standing there, feeling more than slightly confused.
CAMERAPERSON
Well, um, ok, he's gone, right, um, I better. . .
The camera is propped up and we see the CAMERAPERSON setting it up to film himself. He is dressed haphazardly, someone who was not made to be on film. He adjusts the angle then goes into the middle of the room. He pulls out a scrunched up script from his pocket and straightens it out.
CAMERAPERSON (IN A VERY SERIOUS TONE)
Right, ok, let's begin. Once, on a dark mysterious dark night, at precisely 23;17 hours, on Thrushton Street, at number 69 a party was going on, with lots of drinking of wine and eating and dancing in a strange and amusing fashion. However, all was not as it seemed . . .
The scene fades out.
Scene 2
The next thing we see is a group of people sitting at a table, laughing and talking. There is a party atmosphere about it all.
FRIDAY
Alex, can you open this bottle of wine for me?
ALEX
Of course Friday, darling, my one true and only love.
RACHEL, his wife, kicks him under the table. The camera pans out to include her in the shot, looking angrily at him.
ALEX
Not as much as I love you, Rachel, my adoring wife.
RACHEL (SARCASTIC)
And I love you too, my dear Alexander, and (begins to get serious) am not at all having an affair in any way with Terence, the most handsome, rich and exotic man I have ever met.
Camera pans out to include him as well, with a stick in his hand instead of a cigarette and a travelling hat on. TERENCE is a traveller from Africa, who has grown very strange during his travels.
He gazes at RACHEL in such a way that we have no doubts that they are having an affair.
TERENCE
And I am certainly not having an affair with RACHEL.
RACHEL smiles and blushes.
TERENCE
Nor am I having an affair with Friday.
FRIDAY also smiles and blushes.
TERENCE
Nor Alex.
The two girls look at Alex, confused as he blushes, then all three turn to look at TERENCE who is surveying the general party with a satisfied look on his face.
WEDNESDAY
Dear sister Friday, why don't you go and fetch the pudding? I'm sure everyone is famished.
FRIDAY
Of course, dear sister Wednesday. Would Alex like to accompany me?
ALEX
Um, no, not this time, I think I'll stay here for now.
Friday leaves, looking a bit disgruntled.
TERENCE
It's certainly a strange night tonight. I swear, as I drove here, in my Mercedes, I spotted a body in the middle of the road.
RACHEL
Oh how dreadful!
TERENCE
That's what I thought at first, so I backed over it several times, just to make sure that the poor fellow was actually dead.
DANIELLE
How did the person die?
TERENCE
I couldn't be sure. There was a knife sticking out of it that could have been the culprit but without fingerprint analysis and blood samples, who's to say?
ALEX (YAWNING)
Oh, how very exciting.
RACHEL
So Danielle, what was that thing you were trying to tell me earlier? You know, about the most hateful day of your life that you couldn't bear to repeat to anyone until your dying day.
DANIELLE
Oh I couldn't possibly tell you that.
TERRENCE
Come on Danielle, you've told us too much now to back down.
WEDNESDAY
And if you don't tell us now, you'll tell Rachel later and then she'll tell Alex who'll tell Friday who'll tell me and I will tell Terence and then everyone will find out anyway, so wouldn't it be better just to tell everyone now.
Everyone turns to look at DANIELLE with an expectant look on their faces.
DANIELLE
Very well then. It happened when I was 7. not wait, no, I must have been. now hold on a minute. I was 8 but then it was the year my dog died and he died when I was 10 so it could be 7 8 or 9 or possibly before then. well it was 13 years ago so I must have been 7. Yes 7. SO when I was 7. or actually it must have been 8. What was the year we went to Germany, Terence?
TERENCE
Who bloody cares?
DANIELLE
Oh that's right, I was 6. I've decided I was 6. So when I was six, I had this cousin called Jim and he must have been 10 at the time. no wait, he can't have been that old.. 8 perhaps? Or older, 11.
ALEX
I wonder where Friday is.
TERENCE
Yes she's been away for a while
WEDNESDAY
Should someone go and look for her?
RACHEL
No, no, I'm sure she's just got lost.
WEDNESDAY
Well she only went to the kitchen.
TERENCE
I'll go. I braved the Sahara Desert and threw myself over the Niagara Falls and climbed up the Wall of China in India, I'll be able to make it too the kitchen and back.
TERENCE walks out the door, swinging it shut behind him. No sooner has the door stopped swinging than he bursts back into the room.
TERENCE
Oh my goodness, Friday is dead!
Everyone stands up in amazement.
ALEX
Are you sure?
TERENCE
Yes, I kicked her and cut off her arm with the kitchen knife and then threw her down the stairs just to make sure.
WEDNESDAY
Oh there'll be such a mess on the carpet.
ALEX
Looks like we'll need to call the police.