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Audrey,
This is better than the first . . . but they're both good.
Grampa
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Your stuff is getting better Audrey. Keep writing
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Thanks everyone!
If anyone has any ideas about more 'people' to feature in the poem, just leave a comment.
Or would a few more stanzas make it to long?
Oh well.
Audrey
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Oooh! I love this version.
One thing though...
"Wander the city streets"
Should be "Wanders"
Unless it was coupleS.
Maybe I wasn't reading it properly...
My point is: Good idea to lenghten it. I liked the first version but I love this version!
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oops
Thanks for pointing that out.
Glad you like it!
Audrey
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Sun set: Good poem idea and good observation of what people do during this time.
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Thanks!
That's what I was aiming for: to write a poem about the people of the world in a way that would give you glimpses of the lives of certain people, who are all feeling different ways and living different lives.
Audrey
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Yes, Audrey.
It is night how you wrote about something that happens everyday in each persons' life, and how they all experience it differently.
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Oops! I meant to say neat, not night. My sister was having a tantrum in the room as I was writing this...
perhaps you could add that!
As the sunsets
An annoying little girl
Screams her guts out!
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Ha ha.
Well...I was actually hoping the poem would be uh...peaceful.
Audrey
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I enjoyed reading the previous version but this I think improves on the first without losing any of its original charm. You mix into it a fine balance of the things that as human beings we all seem to share - the 'if only' questions, dreams and hope followed in the last verse by what these very same dreams and 'what if's' - the stuff that helps distract momentaily 'The people of the world' from 'going on 'with their lives.'
I wonder if you would like one of my favourite poems, entitled simply 'Here', by R.S. Thomas. It is made up of similiarly short, but effective stanzas that too, suggest like yours, 'some thing other' is going on beneath the surface then revealed on first reading.
If you get to read this poem, and go on to get its meaning and identify the person narrating the poem (it took me ages to do this though apparantly no time at all for others), it becomes utterly transformed! It was only when I did finally get it, that it became one of my fav ever poems.
Any poems/poets that you might recommend I read? Though you seem to be such a prolific poet, I am assured of good reading material for a good while yet!
Looking forward to the next.
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Thanks =) Glad you like it =) I have not been wriitng poetry for long... it is probably just beginners luck...or it may be that I have grown up around lots and lots of books of many different genres.
I read the poem you recommended...I liked it, but I think I like to read poetry on the Circle better. I like to know what the poet is thinking when they write it.
Audrey
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