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The Blue Folder - Twenty-One
By
Grampa Pogi
| Posted:
17 February 2010
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TWENTY-ONE
West to Equatorial Guinea
Lear-jet Eighty-Five
"Make sure this one's buckled in," Tiamo teased, tapping Megan's shoulder while pointing at Ron with a jerking thumb.
"Yeah, he has a habit of floating around inside an aircraft while in flight," Megan joined in the banter. Gruff was too tired to laugh, but managed a quiet snicker.
"Hey, give the kid a break; 'Papa Bear' is still toying with his mind - look at those crossed eyes and you'll see psychedelic lights." Ghazaly chortled.
Meanwhile, Ron didn't seem to have had any more energy for jokes. He appeared oblivious to the frivolous repartee and his partners knew from experience that Ron had a habit of going 'dark' within him, blocking every trivial movement around and would go into a deep open-eyed frowning trance, reviewing items in his mind's eye; all that Che gave them over briefing.
Tiamo and Megan powdered their faces, fixed every errant hair that disobeyed a sticky spray and settled in rather uncomfortable 'jumpseats' at the rear, beside a full-service galley.
Bernie took over the captain's leather while Jerry played sidekick. He flicked all legit switches, poked every flashing button, turned every knob, verified every gauge, that made flying a lazy experience for the pilot, checked wind velocity, perused weather reports and adjusted the comfort of his seat restraints while Jerry took care of navigation charts, reports, lists, checklists and other flight items.
Sonny Boy relinquished first mate's chair so Jerry could build up flying time, however, the crew knew Sonny Boy preferred to relax and sleep off exhaustion; he didn't get much zzzs watching over Ron at Doc Smiley's hospital.
From up front, Gruff sat across the aisle from Joe. Gruff's long-legs had cramped on their way to Andaman; he needed extra stretch at the front row. Ghazaly slouched across the aisle from Bakhtiar and Sonny Boy played 'Mother Hen' across the divide from Ron. He kept a constant vigil on his charge.
The sun was about to settle in and hide in the western hemisphere when the 85 met the paved runway at Seychelles International; a private hangar accommodated the spooks, but they only had enough time to stretch their legs with a quick walkabout.
Sonny Boy took over the helm from Bernie, while Jerry decided another crack as co-captain. Bernie tired out and didn't bother for an elastic stretch manoeuvre; went instead for an easy snooze beside Ron. Half-hour was all they could afford to waste at Seychelles; they were off and running again.
While sleep was at a premium for the weary, Bernard George, Gruffman, Yusuf Bakhtiar and Adnan Ghazaly took the most advantage. Ron could not sleep; tried to, but decided instead for another crack at reports review. The girls were not as strained as the rest and gabbed mostly during the flight - for the greatest part, about girlie stuff. There was always a lot to catch up. Joe seemed smitten with the humping memory of a head nurse; he sent a text message to say "Hi".
At maximum speed, the 85 had cleared Kenya easily, straddled over the border of Uganda, and Tanzania, a land whose name was a derived 'portmanteau' when two countries Tanganyika and Zanzibar decided to merge and created a rare African union. Speeding at half the speed of sound, the turbojet crossed over a large body of fresh water. The majestic Lake Victoria or 'Victoria Nyanz', also known as 'Ukerewe', 'Nalubaale', 'Sango', or 'Lolwe', one of the African Great Lakes, was named by the first European to see it, John Hanning Speke - in honor of the last monarch of the 'House of Hanover', the United Kingdom's Queen Victoria, born Alexandrina Victoria.
The jet cruised above ever-changing names of the African plains - name-change depended on what the rebels had for breakfast prior to a yearly 'coup d'état'. The turbo jet sped across 'Democratic Republic of the Congo', erstwhile known as 'Zaire' or 'Brazzaville' and hovered over the northern part of 'Congo' or 'Kinshasa'. The 85 skirted past the southern tip of 'Central African Republic', previously registered as 'Ubangi-Shari', and over 'Cameroon', one-time 'Adamawa Emirate', named by Portuguese explorers after a river, 'Rio dos Camarões', teeming with a battalion of prawns and crayfish; reaching final destination - 'Bioko Island', formerly known as 'Fernando Po'.
Six hours later, the jet arrived at Malabo, announced its intentions to Aeropuerto's flight controllers, and made its way to a secured private hangar rented by Jeneral Budiwati for the Bombardier's safekeeping.
A 'Eurocopter A355 NP Ecureuil 2', Squirrel helicopter, with 'M/Y Boysie's Dream' painted on its blind sides, sat nearby, spinning its rotors, warming its twin engines and ready to take the girls to the yacht.
All articles on this website by
Grampa Pogi are copyright ©Grampa Pogi and should not be reproduced
without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their
respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.
| Comments | |
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Hi Grampa Pogi,
This chapter induce my interest in your first book knowing that this is a part of its sequel. I also couldn't stop to laugh when I encountered some good names =) two good names =)
On a serious note, I notice you tend to use high-fallooting words. I don't know the rules in literature but we have always been taught to use simpler words. ex.
oblivious/unmindful
frivolous/inappropriate
repartee/wit
buckled in/fastened in
screeching/whining
rendezvous/meet
Simpler words are helpful for readers as they easily grasp what you want to say. Also, I think you must consistently use LJ 85 through out the story than "85" so readers will easily understand that you are referring to the aircraft.
Good luck to your book.
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I meant "since they can easily grasp..."
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Hi Evita,
Thank you so much for your feedback. Point taken.
Often, I'd say, perhaps there's a method in my madness. I'll explain shortly. But first, I'd address your input.
The words I used (that you pointed out) may sound in your words "high-falooting" (the proper slang, if there was such a thing, I believe is "high-falluting"). I know, being a born-Filipino myself, I used to use this phrase or word years ago, back home, because it became an *accepted* word in Filipino lexicon like *dedma* or * presidentiable* (yuck), but even the terminology *high-falluting* or *falluting*or *falooting* or *high-falooting* is not even in the dictionary (it's in the *Urban* dictionary, though . . . a slang word derived from something which I don't know). I don't even know why Filipinos love to use it. (Me included, but I stopped since learning about it as a non-word, along with dedma & presidentiable et cetera . . . which even found their way in Philippine national daily newspapers) . . . imagine these words were even used as English words in Philippine Congress when one was addressing fellow congressmen. I know what *high-falluting* means in the *urban* sense that it means *snobbish* or *elitist*. This might be the last time I'd use it in a sentence because even the word itself is well, uppity. :-)
However, the words you pointed out are just regular words we often use in North America. Oblivious, frivolous, repartee (okay, this one, maybe, but I use it often perhaps because it was a derived French word and in Canada, is used more often in newspapers and I often hear it from tv announcers), buckled in (this one is used a lot especially by flight attendants), screeching (a screeching tire (?), this word is just a regular word), rendezvous (this is just a plain-jane word that is often used even in songs . another Frenchie).
Now, here's the method to my madness I promised earlier.
If you use the *MyNovel* software by Carl (the founder of WC) (btw, kudos for a great software), there is a *progress* or *readability* button one could use to check on the ease of readability and the age group that would be able to comprehend your style. It is based on the *Flesch Reading Ease Score*
The breakdown is as follows.
0-29 very difficult
30-49 difficult
50-59 fairly difficult
60-79 fairly easy
80-89 easy
90-100 very easy
I (for personal preference) would target a 50 to 79 score which would put my reading age group from 10 to 18 years old. This is not to say I'm targeting this age group as my readers. No. For me, I'd like to target the mentality of this reading age group for the adults that might read my book because my target readers are adults since my book is about spy/thriller/action/adventure and a bit of rumpy-pumpy. This happens to be the *coming-of-age* group, the most curious, and it's fairly a mainstream mentality even for adults.
After running the *progress* report off of MyNovel, I'm given the exact reading age that I wanted. Sometimes, I tweak it to match it and sometimes I'd leave it as such. The chapter 21 here falls under a score of 59.65 or 14.44 years old mentality which is fairly mainstream (I'd say).
You will notice Chapter 8 as 48.86 or 17.74 age group. I was even afraid that this chapter would be a little more advanced and might not be well accepted. However, I posted this as a *separate* from the *The Blue Folder* series to see how it would be perceived as a stand-alone (see Jan 13). It got an editor's choice star (entitled "The Chief" on WC . . . actually it should be "The Blue Folder - Chapter 8"). So I know it's okay and readable so it stays the way it is. (BTW, a score of 90-100 would be a children's book. :-)
Here's a breakdown of my new book "The Blue Folder", thus far:
Chapter Readability Reading Age
Chapter 1 65.5 12.93
Chapter 2 55.16 15.23
Chapter 3 63.42 13.22
Chapter 4 68.87 11.88
Chapter 5 65.88 12.44
Chapter 6 59.51 13.81
Chapter 7 55.59 14.62
Chapter 8 46.86 17.74
Chapter 9 53.19 15.10
Chapter 10 71.58 11.68
Chapter 11 69.82 12.03
Chapter 12 75.09 10.43
Chapter 13 73.7 10.85
Chapter 14 68.61 12.24
Chapter 15 71.49 11.3
Chapter 16 72.89 11.59
Chapter 17 56.77 13.86
Chapter 18 72.06 11.08
Chapter 19 76.6 10.36
Chapter 20 67.5 12.18
Chapter 21 59.65 14.44
And I'm now at 60% of my target of 130,000 words.
As for the 85 or LJ85 or Lear jet, or Bombardier 85, or jet, jetcraft, airplane, etc., I know my readers would be smart enough to figure it out and I don't need to worry about it. In the real world, people refer to this particular jet differently (in fact, most people probably won't know that the Lear Jet is manufactured by the Canadian conglomerate Bombardier which also manufactures subway trains and European-used trains, monorails, double-deckers, etc). It's almost like teaching the readers *new* things. Usually, in the context of the sentence, one would know and deduce that I was talking about one and the same aircraft. It's more fun to play with the reader's mind without taxing too much of their senses. And when foreign words come into play, it would be beneficial to the reader to look it up. If I learn a new word each day, I'd learn 365 new words in a year and I'd be the better reader after.
: -)
Grampa Pogi
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Hi Grampa Pogi,
Thank you, I stand corrected (high falluting). Well Grampa Pogi, it's your book, you can write everything you like or use any words you like. For me, I was just sharing that it's the goal of every writer to ensure that he/she is well understood.
Words come with style, of course, so if that is your style, then be it. But please don't always assume that your readers are smart. Because some will be confused if a name is not properly written. You would not like your readers to go back to previous paragraphs to know what the 85 is, right? And if 85 is very common name in North America, please try to consider that not all your readers are from North America.
I remember reading a book, written by Mitch Albolm, an American, I think, you can check it. I finished his book in one sitting. Please don't misinterpret, I like your work, I am just sharing something that you can probably benefit from in the future.
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Sorry Evita,
I'm not correcting your spelling. I'm just saying the *f* word you used is not in any English dictionary. I'm from the Philippines too and I know, *we* (the royal we) have a knack for *inventing* English words to suit our own taste but I wouldn't use it (I know in *Pinoy* newspapers, and in the normal Pinoy *English* usage back home, it is acceptable).
But as far as readability is concerned, there is a *resource* (a software) we could use (MyNovel software has it) to show if an article is readable or just plain difficult to comprehend and if the *software* says my article is readable by 14 to 15 year olds, who am I to complain? (if it's difficult for some readers to comprehend, well, I won't be able to do anything about it short of re-writing it to suit a score of 90 to 100 . . . either that, I'd show them where the dictionary is).
It has nothing to do with being North American, American or even British (although I said "here in North America" just as an example, but) . . . English is English anywhere you go (there might be slight differences, but still).
Except perhaps in Japan (they say Engrish :-).
I didn't mean to offend. I just wanted to explain that this article *Twenty-One* according to the *Flesch* score is okay for 14 to 15 y.o. mentality (whether 14-15 y.o. or adults with this mentality). I'd hate to put it under a 90 to 100 score as it might be suitable for grade schoolers rather than adults; it won't be a spy/thriller anymore. And my target is *worldwide* readership and not any particular geographic location in Mindanao. :-)
And if it's not readable, well, would it mean it wouldn't sell in Japan (?) Geez, broody Engrish words, better commit *seppuku*, uoooohhhh!
:-)
Grampa
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Grampa Pogi,
Your work is readable, otherwise I wont be able to comment like this. This will be your second book, right? When you write your 4th, 5th, 6th, you will probably know what i mean. You will see a huge difference from your first two works and you will be happy about it.
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Hi Evita,
>>> When you write your 4th, 5th, 6th, you will probably know what i mean.
I don't know, I might be dead by then :-)
But seriously, I wouldn't know even now what you would *really* mean because I just explained that the words I used (those you pointed out) were (to me) just mainstream words (words I've used regularly in plain speaking) and I would still use them to give my writing a bit of flair and not to make it appear like a book for grade-schoolers or for readers with a very limited vocabulary. There are writers here who use very deep English (short of Shakespearean) and if that's their style, then I would adjust if I wished to read their article . . . I'd pull out a good old dictionary.
I know that by using the *software* (if you don't have Carl's MyNovel, you won't have a clue what I'm talking about . . . then it would be a moot point to argue) . . . I would know (in a scientific way) that the article is in fact readable by readers with a *mental capacity* of teen-agers from regular *English-speaking* areas. Since I was not targeting a particular ethnic group to sell to, I would *rather* resort to use *plain* regular words used by plain regular English speaking nations that are *readable* internationally and not cater to whatever.
>>> You will see a huge difference from your first two works and you will be happy about it.
Well, if I live that long, I hope there would be a *huge* difference from my first two works (I think it's called *progress*), but as long as the *Flesch Ease and readability scoring* software says it's readable for my *target* audience, then I'm happy. These *software programs* were created by experts and I'm not one to contradict them. I'll just utilize any available resource for my own benefit to improve. Even if I don't sell in Japan. :-)
Now as for *reading*, when I go through a Tom Clancy or a John Grisham (my favorite authors), I have my dictionary handy and in the end, I am much improved. If I had to go back pages upon pages to make things clearer (which I often did with Clancy . . . not much for Grisham) then I would. Otherwise, I'd use the book for a perfect doorstopper or give it to my granddaughter for *posture* practice.
And if you think that the words I used in this article are *high*, then you should read these authors. And they are mainstream bestselling authors. (But I'm sorry I've never heard of the American author you quoted and I couldn't comment about his style.)
Grampa Pogi
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Actually Grampa, progress doesn't need to be long, who knows you can have it even less than a year. Mitch Albolm is the author of Tuesdays with Morrie. The work was also made into film. But you have different genre, and you can improve in the scope of genre, and i don't think it will take too long because you have a good start.
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Btw, I'll be checking Tom Clancy and John Grisham's masterpieces, they could be someone I could learn from too.
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I hope you didn't get married Valentine's Sunday Grampa Pogi and Evita -- looking soulfully at each others eyes, trying to read each other's thoughts; and the morning after . . . discussing readability in bed
Let me flip my two cents in on readability
I like to use simple words as much as possible
but words have their effects
I'm not about to lose the effect I wanted to convey (oops, or 'to get across' -- you know what I mean?) striving to be simple, coming up with writing so plain . . . I might as well eat raw chicken
That's when figurative writing comes into play
Some words have a common meaning with other words
We call them synonyms
But when you want to be precise with your use of words
you can't just substitute one for the other
You must find the appropriate word according to your intention
And if you have a character in a story of a certain education --
That character would be using certain words normal to his education
There's more to readability than meets the eye
There's more to calling a spade a spade . . .
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mnmnI,
thank you for your thoughts, just like to note this phrase:
"oblivious to the frivolous repartee". I think two of these three words must be in simpler synonyms. The benefits are: 1. you are able to communicate the message, 2. you give readers the benefit of easy reading.
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Words have their nuances, Evita
Color, connotation, flavor, intrinsic meaning, etc
As I said: There's more to readability than meets the eye
Writers much strive for simplicity and being precise with their words at the same time
I suggest you get a dictionary of synonyms . . . and I don't mean the thesaurus
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As to your query, Evita
'unmindful' is a synonym of 'oblivious' but not exactly or precisely meaning oblivious
oblivious is a non-conscious state, not deliberate
unmindful could be just not paying attention
'inappropriate' is not a synonym of 'frivolous'
'inappropriate' is also not a simple word since it consists of prefixes, affixes and suffixes
'wit' is not a synonym of 'repartee' but you need wit in repartee
'buckled in' is more precise, concrete and picturesque than 'fastened in'
'fastened' is abstract; you can fasten something with a nail gun or hammer
'screeching' and 'whining' are not synonyms
They're onomatopoeias so it depends upon what's making the sound
or what sound the writer wants you to hear
'rendezvous' has more flavor and connotation than 'meet'
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Evita
Simple words to me are root words (devoid of affix, prefix, suffix) and two-word verbs, . . .
English is supposed to be the second simplest language according to Rudolf Flesch (don't know if it's the same guy);
Chinese being the simplest which had evolved for more than 2,000 years
Perhaps, bobchoi can help you learn Chinese; and you can help him write the Memoirs of the Feng Shui Sifu (=: :=)
My friend, Robert Frost, was the master of simple words
He could have been Chinese in one of his previous lives ;=)
Check out his work . . .
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After all of that, Evita
I hope to see your short story, novellette, novella, novels
(I've seen your poems and anecdotes)
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mnmnI,
thank you for your clarification. I will review them. I check online dictionaries as i think it is easier to check. If you will notice I like things easy because my real work is relatively difficult. In Philippines, you will find many executives having light readings, movies, plays etc.
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I haven't found any dictionary of synonyms online that compares with the Merriam-Webser's Dictionary of Synonyms (I have paperback and hard cover). If you're serious about your writing, to improving your vocabulary and being precise with your use of words, this Dictionary will do wonders for you. You'll know the common meaning; the intrinsic meanings and nuances of each synonym; and the differences between them.
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I mean Merriam-Webster's
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ok mnmnI, thank you for your recommendation. I may not need it in my current work but perhaps for WC and other future endeavors, that book would be very helpful. Thanks again.
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Kudos
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From 0 votes
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Total posts: 659
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Roles:
Writer
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Scarborough, CANADA
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Retired System Engineer, Filipino-Canadian, born in Manila, educated at San Sebastian College, University of the Philippines and various schools in Canada. Previous careers: Cartographer / Graphic ... (Read more)
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