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Double Entendrè

By churchmouse | Posted: 18 February 2010

Views: 218
Sexual references
Sexual references
"There's nothing better than a nice warm beaver"
said Granny as she pulled a struggling rodent out of the oven.

Granny Balls and her sister Aphelia were keen animal lovers. They would often be found feeding breadcrumbs to the blue-tits in the garden, but they had to be careful in case Granny's pussy got too excited.
They had been drying out beavers in a misguided attempt to comfort them for some time now. Occasionally, when they pulled them out of the oven, the traumatised animal would cling to the oven door, and Granny would have to ask young Master Bates from next door to come and jerk it off.
"It's a good job you came so quickly" Granny would say.
"I was scared that the hairs on my beaver were starting to singe"

The young lad was an animal lover himself, and kept a few chickens in his back yard.
Sister Mary from the convent said that he had the most magnificent cock that she had ever seen, but was worried, because it was up early every morning and made such a noise that it disturbed the chicks.- "They are such sweet little things" she said.
The lad said that as she liked them so much, he would give her one.

Poor Sister Mary had a wrinkly old ass. She used to hire it out, but nowadays she just left it outside the convent where it would eat the grass. Occasionally, a novice would come out and give it a rub down. Which brightened up the day a bit.

One day when the young lad was helping Granny clean her crockery, he mentioned that in his opinion, wet beavers were preferable to dry ones, as long as they were clean. Roger the milkman had told him so.
Granny finished wiping down her jugs, and had a think about what he had said.

The following day the young lad called round to screw something against the wall, and was surprised to see the two old ladies vigorously scrubbing their beavers in the bathtub.
"Where's the soap" said Athelia.
"Yes it does rather" replied  Granny. "I think there's a bit on the side"

etc. etc.

Just something that I tossed off quickly today.       C.
All articles on this website by churchmouse are copyright ©churchmouse and should not be reproduced without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.
Comments 
m n m n I
18 February 2010
Who knows what dirty thoughts in the minds of churchmice . . .

I'm sure it came naturally, churchmouse
Festerocious
18 February 2010
I went to a wet beaver discussion group once; they wanted to find out the best soap to use.
So we all sat down and had a mass debate about it.

Excellent Quality once more Churchmouse.
giving us some stiff competition on here I see.
Evita Sagalongos
19 February 2010
I learned a lot of animal kinds because of this story, but i have one note, young lad seems to be redundant since lad means young man =)  just my one cent.
ChrissieJo
19 February 2010
A good first draft I would say. 

Hope you don't mind my saying that this needs more work. Now, it looks like a few suggestive paragraphs about some animal characters were put together to make this story. 

It is a funny read though and has some punchy party lines.
churchmouse
19 February 2010
Chrissyjo,  Evita. Perhaps I should explain. This is not a story about animals, it is actually a piece in support of mnmnl's article on readability. The title is Double entendre, which means double meaning. The piece therefore can be read in two different ways, either as a very simple children's story about old ladies, nuns and animals or as an adult comic piece about sex. Most of the words and phrases have two completely different meanings.
If you read Festerocious's comment you will find a double entendre in there as well.
I take your point Evita about Young Lad, but I left it that way as in England a teenager is more likely to be referred to as a young lad, whereas a lad could include a man up to middle age.
Evita Sagalongos
19 February 2010
I see Churchmouse, but the dictionary says lad is a young man, so you mean the dictionary is wrong? If young lad is used in England then probably it is not used in other places on earth.  I hope you know what I mean.  

Actually someone with dirty mind would really think that you are talking about sex, but I chose to think that you mean otherwise.
churchmouse
19 February 2010
HI Evita, I'm afraid that in England a young lad does actually denote a teenager and a lad can be older. I think that you are right that this is not the case anywhere else in the world.
I am also sorry to upset you, but this piece is about sex, which is why it was flagged "Contains mature/sexual references.
Evita Sagalongos
19 February 2010
I see, ok, I would like to read it again so I can change my comment but would rather not to talk about it =) I guess this is always the case for women, and men seems to have more liberty to talk about sex.
Evita Sagalongos
19 February 2010
I mean "men seem..."
Possum
19 February 2010
Evita, here in Australia, a young lad is a young man.  And double entendre is a word or phrase with two different meanings.  So there's nothing wrong if you understood Churchmouse's work differently from the rest.  That's normal.
Grampa Pogi
19 February 2010
Hi Churchmouse,

Oh boy, am I glad I got my internet back.  It's so much faster now with fiber optics from Bell Internet.  I had to give up the greedy Rogers  but I misjudged the day of cancellation that when I requested to stop service effective the 18th, I thought they'd give me till the evening of the 18th (greedy bastards) and Bell installs on the 19th (and just finished "hooking" up a few minutes ago).  I missed all the excitement of your intercourse about the animals. 
 
I have a sneaky tight feeling who gave you a prude (prudent?) kudo of 'nut so good' :-)

I for one can attest to the fact that in Canada, where the temperature gets hairy, that a nice warm beaver could be welcomed as pure happiness, like a warm gun (if you're a hunter . . . well, just ask the famous hunter Mike Hunt).
 
As well, a magnificent cock if Barbie cued may brighten a Caribbean's heart if served spicy and "jerked".  Of course, if you haven't "jerked" a chicken leg, which could be smooth and easy to spread, you must've just fried it; a rather boring FCK way . . . fried chicken of Kentucky. 

Jugs of milk will also do well and help push that fried cock or "jerked" chicken, or Barbie cued (whichever your preference is) - but in some areas, young lads would prefer Mary Brown's chicks 'cause she has the best legs in town. In some cases, Wendy's hot and juicy would be preferred and eaten by those young lads . . . or even young-dreaming old lads like myself.

Another Churchmouse classic  . . . 
. . . and if this was ebay, A+

:-)

Grampa
Evita Sagalongos
20 February 2010
Hi possum, 

Yes I checked it, it says here (farlex dic.) if lad is used in informal way it means "a man of any age" if used in a formal way, then it means "a boy or young man"
bobchoi
20 February 2010
This proves that one can be erotic and funny at the same time.  Thanks, Churchmouse!  There might still be some hope for me.
Evita Sagalongos
20 February 2010
Of course Bobchoi, you have hopes, don't you know that you are one of my favorite writers in WC? You just probably need to be exposed so much in eroticism.  I am wondering, though, why it's the one you like to write about =)
bobchoi
20 February 2010
Well, Evita, why is the grass always greener on the other side?
Evita Sagalongos
20 February 2010
Because the other side receives more sunlight than the other.  (photosynthesis).  Is this what you are trying to ask me? =)

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churchmouse

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