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Emily's Idea (A Children's Story Written by Beaner and Taylorswift97) by taylorswift97

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Emily's Idea (A Children's Story Written by Beaner and Taylorswift97)

By taylorswift97 | Posted: 20 February 2010

Views: 436
Hi there everyone. 
For a school project, my friends and I (4 of us) wrote 2 realistic fictional stories. We illustrated photos, and put the pages together, making a picture book. There were 2 of us to a book. My friend "Beaner" and I wrote one about conserving water, which you will read shortly. Unfortunately, we can't show you the pictures. :( 
My other 2 friends (one of them is audreyhepburn) wrote one about worm composting! We will be going into grade 1/2 classrooms and reading the books to the kids. We will then discuss the problems our earth is facing with them. Here is the story! 


Emily's Idea

"Good morning, class!" said Mrs. Smith. "Today we are going to start a new science unit. It is called Global Warming. The first part is about water conservation. It fits in well, because right now our town is having trouble renewing water." 

"What is water conservation?" Emily asked.

"Water conservation is when you save water and don't waste it. For your homework you're going to think of a way to conserve water. Tomorrow you will all share your ideas with the class." 

During dinner that night, Emily told her family about her homework. She told them that there was a smaller amount of water in the town. She was excited that her class would be helping out with the problem. 

After recess at school the next day, Mrs. Smith announced that it was time to share the ideas that they had to conserve water.  

Emily had the idea of turning off the water when your brush your teeth. 

Sam thought taking shorter showers would help. 

Sara came up with fixing any leaks that you had in your house. The list went on and on. 

"Those are all great ideas!" Mrs. Smith was happy that they all took time to think of very good ways to help. "In the newspaper this morning, it said that if we don't start using less water, for a little while we may have a very small amount. 

"I wrote each idea on the chalkboard. You are going to have to chose three of them, and use them throughout the week." 

Everyone in the class tried very hard to use less water, but that didn't help much. On some days, only little drops of water would come out of the taps. 

"Mom, I really want everyone to know how important it is to conserve water. How can I tell everyone?" Emily asked her mom before she went to bed. 

"I do work at the local news station. I could see if a report can be done about what your class is doing. My job is to interview the people who will be in the reports, so I could come into your classroom. The kids in your class, and your teacher could take about water conservation." she told her. Emily was very excited about the idea, and so was her teacher.

After a couple of days, Emily's mom told her that she would be going into her classroom to work on the news report. All of the students were very excited that they were going to be on TV!

On Monday morning Emily's mom went into the classroom to talk to the students and the teacher. There was also a man with a big video camera that came with her.

Each of the kids got a chance to talk about water conservation and be on camera. "The report will be on channel 57 tonight at 6:30. Make sure you watch it!" said Emily's mom.

"Emily!" Her mother called. "It's time to watch yourself on TV!" 

"Tonight we have a story about a grade three class that is learning about water conservation. They talked to us about the importance of saving water." A reporter announced. 

Then clips were shown of students talking about water conservation. Soon it was Emily's part. "Water is something that every person needs. If we don't start saving water, we may not have any later." 

Many people in the community saw the news report and were impressed at how aware the kids were about what was going on. Everyone used water wisely, which gave them more time to use water for fun, more often!

Emily's class showed people that you can make a problem better as long as you try your best. No matter what your age is, hard work pays off and makes a difference.
All articles on this website by taylorswift97 are copyright ©taylorswift97 and should not be reproduced without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.
Comments 
ChrissieJo
20 February 2010
I have critiqued your work as follows -

[First impressions]
I found your work interesting and believable
I found your work to have an easy, rolling rhythm that moved the story forward
[Beginning]
I found the beginning compelling
[Plot]
I thought your plot moved forward in a structured way
[Characters]
Your characters jumped off the page at me and attracted my attention
I felt your characters were real people with real lives, faults and merits
I felt the descriptive narrative of your characters make up allowed me to see them in my minds eye as someone I might know
[Dialogue]
Your dialogue was natural
Your dialogue moved the scene forward
[Viewpoint]
When the POV was changed, it was done clearly
[Showing versus telling]
some more shiwing will help but this is a school project so it is good for the intended audience
[Overall comments]
a well written school project
Evita Sagalongos
20 February 2010
Hi Taylorswift97, 

I like your piece because it has social relevance.  Young mind yet has valuable input for global concerns.  

I just want to have some point which you may want to consider. 

Fourth paragraph was a sudden scene change?  Maybe you need to write another paragraph/sentence before it to establish that Emily went home. 

"turn off the water when your brush your teeth", do you mean "when you brush your teeth?" 

Good start taylor, for a young like you =)
Evita Sagalongos
20 February 2010
I mean "have some points.."
Anonymous
20 February 2010
Hello,

I love this little kids story...  I think that it is very good to let little kids know about the earth's problems and how we can help stop them.  Did you know that this generation is called the green generation... kids these days are becoming more aware of the problem.  Anyways, good job, I'm sure that the little kids will love it.

by the way did you draw the pictures by hand or were they from the Internet?
taylorswift97
20 February 2010
Thanks for all of the nice comments! 

Anonymous - My friend and I drew the pictures by hand.

Writer
taylorswift97

Total posts:
351
Roles: Writer
CANADA
Hey everyone, I'm TaylorSwift97! I live in Canada, and I'm in 9th grade! Some of my favourite things to do are read, write, play the piano, swim, shop, and listen to music. I love to write poems and short ... (Read more)