| Comments | |
|
|
I have critiqued your work as follows -
[First impressions]
I found your work interesting and believable
I found your work to have an easy, rolling rhythm that moved the story forward
[Beginning]
I found the beginning compelling
[Plot]
I thought your plot moved forward in a structured way
[Characters]
Your characters jumped off the page at me and attracted my attention
I felt your characters were real people with real lives, faults and merits
I felt the descriptive narrative of your characters make up allowed me to see them in my minds eye as someone I might know
[Dialogue]
Your dialogue was natural
Your dialogue moved the scene forward
[Viewpoint]
When the POV was changed, it was done clearly
[Showing versus telling]
some more shiwing will help but this is a school project so it is good for the intended audience
[Overall comments]
a well written school project
|
|
|
Hi Taylorswift97,
I like your piece because it has social relevance. Young mind yet has valuable input for global concerns.
I just want to have some point which you may want to consider.
Fourth paragraph was a sudden scene change? Maybe you need to write another paragraph/sentence before it to establish that Emily went home.
"turn off the water when your brush your teeth", do you mean "when you brush your teeth?"
Good start taylor, for a young like you =)
|
|
|
I mean "have some points.."
|
|
|
Hello,
I love this little kids story... I think that it is very good to let little kids know about the earth's problems and how we can help stop them. Did you know that this generation is called the green generation... kids these days are becoming more aware of the problem. Anyways, good job, I'm sure that the little kids will love it.
by the way did you draw the pictures by hand or were they from the Internet?
|
|
|
Thanks for all of the nice comments!
Anonymous - My friend and I drew the pictures by hand.
|