The Writers' Circle

Warning: This is rather painful to read.


Please note this is not for critiquing. However, if you feel like it, go ahead, but don't say I didn't warn you. For this reason, it is placed in the "chill" room in the "coffee zone" for the benefit of those who had a hard time understanding regular words; words that they perceived as really-difficult-to-comprehend words. 

I tried to hit 90 to 100 on the Flesch readability score, but even with this limited re-write, I could only achieve a "fairly-easy" "77.25" with a reading age of "10.59". 
My apologies ;-).



TWENTY-ONE - a partial rewrite for those having a hard time with *perceived* "high-sounding" words.



Going west toward the country of Equatorial Guinea
Aboard the Bombardier-built Lear-jet 85 airplane 



	"Make sure this passenger is fastened to his airplane chair." Tiamo was joking and she smiled to Megan with a 'ha-ha'. She placed her right hand on the shoulder of Megan with her palm down. The right hand of Tiamo was going up and down on the shoulder of Megan. Tiamo pointed to Ron using her left thumb as a pointer. The thumb of Tiamo moved from left to right while she was pointing to Ron. 
	"Yeah, Ron always gets into an accident inside an aircraft. Ron does it when the airplane is flying," Megan also joked. Megan laughed also with a 'ha-ha'. Gruff was very tired to laugh. Gruff laughed quietly instead.
	"Hey, give the young lad a break. He is also a young boy. The painkiller is still in his body. Just look into his eyes. They are crossed. You will see dancing lights." Ghazali also laughed.
	Ron was not really interested to hear the jokes. His friends also knew from before that Ron always kept quiet. Ron ignored all of them around him. Ron daydreamed. Ron was really thinking about all the information that Che told them during the meeting of the secret agents. 
	Tiamo and Megan put face powder on their faces. They also fixed the hair on their heads. They sat in the 'jumpseats' that were located at the back of the "Bombardier-built Lear jet model 85 airplane". The jumpseats were not comfortable. The jumpseats were located beside the kitchen of the airplane.  Bernie became the captain. Jerry became the assistant captain.  Bernie prepared the "Bombardier-built Lear jet model 85 airplane" to be ready for flying. Bernie said it was easy flying the "Bombardier-built Lear jet model 85 airplane". Bernie read the weather report. Bernie checked the speed of the wind. Bernie adjusted his chair and the chair fastener that would hold his body in the airplane chair. Bernie's airplane chair was made for a captain of the airplane. Jerry read the maps. He read the list for the pilots. He read the other flight information for the pilots. Sonny Boy let Jerry fly as an assistant captain. This is because so that his flying hour numbers would go up and up. But everybody knew Sonny Boy was just really really very tired. Because he did not sleep very well when he looked after babysitting Ron at the hospital when Ron was hurt in the head. Gruff sat in the airplane chair in the front so that he could have a bigger room for his long legs that got really really very tired when the "Bombardier-built Lear jet model 85 airplane" flew from the airport in the country of Hong Kong to the airport in the Indian islands of Andaman Islands. Gruff sat in his airplane chair.  The airplane chair of Gruff was directly across from the airplane chair of Joe. There was a walking area between the airplane chairs. Ghazali sat in the airplane chair behind Gruff. The airplane chair of Ghazali was across from the airplane chair of Bakhtiar. There was a walking area between the airplane chair of Ghazali and the airplane chair of Bakhtiar. Sonny Boy looked after Ron again as a babysitter and sat in the airplane chair across from the airplane chair of Ron. There was also a dividing walking area between the airplane chair of Sonny Boy and the airplane chair of Ron.
	The "Bombardier-built Lear jet model 85 airplane" was loaded with a lot of airplane fuel. This type of fuel was called "high octane". It was used by jet planes and poured into the airplane tank. The "Bombardier-built Lear jet model 85 airplane" was also loaded with a lot of passenger food. The "Bombardier-built Lear jet model 85 airplane" was now ready to fly. The passengers were all ready and also fastened and attached to their airplane chairs. The airplane wheels started to roll to the front of the airport road used for flying. The airplane was ready to fly because the airplane brakes were released and there were no other airplanes around that was ready to fly up in the air. The airplane stopped again and Bernie pressed the brakes again.  The airplane was like a car with brakes. The airplane control tower people, they are the  airport workers who sometimes are called by pilots as controllers and who always tell the airplanes that they now could fly. The airport control tower workers told the pilots of the "Bombardier-built Lear jet model 85 airplane" that they could fly now. The "Bombardier-built Lear jet model 85 airplane" was shaking because it was ready to fly. The airplane captain whose name was Bernie was now ready to release the brakes. Bernie was happy to fly the airplane. He signaled to Jerry with his head moving up and down that he was ready to fly the "Bombardier-built Lear jet model 85 airplane".  The airplane will fly into the sky that was blue like a "bat flying out of hell" because the airplane will fly very very fast. Bernie released the brakes and the "Bombardier-built Lear jet model 85 airplane" rolled really really fast along the airport road that was used to fly the airplanes, and the airplane flew into the sky that was blue. There were no clouds in the sky that was blue.