| Comments | |
|
|
I prefer your 'wind' poem, which I think is very good. Don't take these comments the wrong way... I do sincerely feel you have talent as a writer!
I feel you have a few mistakes in this one.
Death could be likened to a cold black cape... However if it surrounds the world then it makes me think you're referring to the darkness / coldness of space.
Then you have death creeping [up] on unfortunate people. Space or a cape cannot creep up, I feel. Sure if death was coming you could hide [because] it was coming.
I think it is best to avoid expressing fears explicitly in poetry, unless it is in a much more subtle way.
|