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Hi Shakespril,
You might be missing a syllable on the second line. Otherwise, it's good.
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Short, simple, yet poignant. You're a better poet than I, that's for sure. Nicely done.
Shakat
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Shakespril,
That's better . . . adding a 'the' on the second haikai verse makes it seven onji (or moras). Great! :-)
Grampa
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Thank you for all your comments...I am truly grateful...
^_^
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I love the point of view that you wrote this in. It is so beautiful. Keep up the good work:)
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Well, I am still looking forward in my kireji...By the way, thanks everyone!
^_^
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This is a nice little haiku! ^_^ Although haikus are short, it still painted a beautiful picture in my head.
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