The Writers' Circle

Chapter One

  Here I am now, a thirty two year old women. That was still very much devoted to my husband Robert of ten years, loving him as much now as I did when we first met. We have what could only be describe as a story book love, at least that is what I believed. 
  
  I also have five beautiful children and God, they were growing up so fast and when I looked at them my head had no choice but to swell with pride. What mother couldn't look at the children they created and feel a warm sense of sweet accomplishment. They are and always will be my everything and even though I failed to keep them my little babies forever I knew that they were going to be extraordinary adults.

  Sometimes I got upset knowing how much I missed of there lives. Having to work sixty to seventy hours a week at a paper bag factory to insure they had what they needed took a lot of my time away from home. But with a family of our size and even though I wanted very much to be home with them every second, I had  no other choice; It had to be done. 

Other than that I had no real complaints.  Life could not have been any better, I had wonderful children a husband that I believed at the time loved me as much as I did him and a place to call home. That was until one Friday morning in late September when I finished a couple hours ahead of schedule at work and my boss let me go home early. Excited I ran to my car and drove as fast as I could so that I could crawl in bed next to my husband and sneak in a little extra sleep before the kids woke up. 

  Normally on Friday mornings I went to a nearby whole in the wall bar to drink a couple of beers with people from work, in effort to whine down from the stressful work week and prepare for the next. However this particular Friday I was exhausted and decided to go home instead. 

At first nothing seemed out of the ordinary when I pulled up outside of our two story house that Robert and I bought right after we were married. Then suddenly a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach doubled me over with pain. Cutting off the engine, I stepped out of the car and proceeded to walk slowly towards the house. Each step becoming heavier than the next as I heard a familiar voice coming from my living room.  In disbelief I paused for a brief moment, then with hands shaking I reached for the door knob. Soundlessly, pushing the door open; unprepared for what I saw.   

  It was Caitlin, my best friend and God mother to my children, atop of Robert on the sofa where we sat as a family.Beung able to count on one hand the number of friends that I could trust with my life and a few more that I could probably trust. Caitlin was one that I believed could be trusted with everything. We had everything in common, the same struggles with life and both of us wanted nothing more than to give our children a better life then what we had growing up. Never in a million years did Laura expect that Caitlin wanted her family.

  Feeling every speck of color drain from my face, I watched the man that I loved for so long make love to another women, wanting desperately to turn away; Shaken I was incapable of moving and the numbness of it all made I feel like I was stuck inside a bad dream. 

  Closing my eyes I tried to breath past the unbearable pain inside my chest. For ten years Robert had been my world, he came into my life when I was at my weakest, when I stumbled in a world that I thought betrayed me. Back then life finally got as bad as it could and I wanted to give up on it all, even myself. Then he appeared, like my  knight in shining armour; with his innocent eyes, his boyish smile, speaking those words that would make Romeo sound insensitive. Roberts words of deceptions offered a normal life, dulling my pain and giving meaning to the future.
 
  Suddenly the anger began to consume and I forced my eyes opened and abruptly pushed the door the rest of the way. The force of my furry causing the pictures on the wall behind it to hit the floor. The sounds of the glass shattering startled Robert and he pushed Caitlin off of him. They stood, both motionless; hands to their sides, expressions deliberate . .. serious. Both of them looking like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car as they faced my penetrating gaze. Tears began to fill my eyes, still no one spoke a word. 

 The silence of the room became deafening only hearing the sounds of the clock ticking on a nearby wall.. My heart racing while standing there frozen, The tension rising to nearly an intolerable level before I spoke, my tone harsh.
 
"How could you?" I demanded, " I trusted you."

"Laura," Caitlin struggled to find her words.

"Shut up! Just shut the hell up there is nothing that you are going to say that is going to make this any better." Not allowing Caitlin the time to formulate any excuse,

"B----but," stuttering.

"I said don't speak, all you need to do is get your things and get out of my house and do it fast before this gets ugly!" I tightened my fist trying hard to refrain from hurting Caitlin, knowing that if I got a hold of her that I would most definitely kill her.

"Laura please, just hear me out."

  Moving closer to Caitlin, I backed her up against the wall giving her no room to move, my pale skin turned a flushing pink. " I meant now Caitlin."
Seeing a small gap for escape Caitlin squeezed through grabbing her things and ran out the door.

  There was a strained silence as Robert looked at me, Ashamed of what he had done or rather being caught, he shrugged, turned to sit back down on the sofa; shoulders rigid as he buried his head in his hands.

"I am so sorry Laura." His apology couldn't sound more effortless.

"Sorry! that's all you have to say to me?" I yelled while Slinging a pile of papers off a nearby table. " You are sorry," I continued to scream in a fierce rage." Has our life together meant so little to you that you find it so easy to turn your back on me . . . Your family . . . You know the people that have loved you unconditionally for sometime now."

  Robert starred at the floor, the muscles twitching in his jaw.

" Come on Robert, explain, because I really want to know after everything that we have been through that you find it so easy to go and sleep with someone else and why out of all the people in the world did you pick Caitlin?" Lowering my head towards the floor as I battled another round of tears. "Don't you see what you have done? Not only have I lost my husband I lost my best friend." 

  Robert walked over to the window bracing his arm against the frame, "Just tell me Robert, maybe if I understood what it was that you were feeling then just maybe we could try to work through this."

  Standing there watching him his hand curled into a tight fist against the oak trim. Even after what he done I could not help but to still love him. I wanted to go to him, to loose myself in his arms, but how could I after he betrayed me so badly.

"Robert?" my voice softened and the pink faded from my cheeks.

  Robert turned "What did you mean when you said that you lost a husband? Are you going to leave me?"

"What do you expect me to do? You obviously were not happy with me or you would not have felt like you needed to be with some one else and you honestly can not say that you love me; not after this."

  Robert walked towards me reaching down and caught my chin, lifting my head so that he could look into my tear struck face.

"Of course I love you. You and the kids mean everything to me." Swallowing hard he continued, "I am begging you Laura, please don't go. Don't give up on us, we are worth another chance." Then he brushed his finger tips across my lips." You believe me, don't you?"

  Still able to smell Caitlins perfume on Roberts hand, I instantly pulled back and smack him across his right cheek. "Don't you touch me!" Robert quickly grabbed my arm before the second slap reached him. I broke his grip from my arm and repeatedly beat him in the chest. Screaming with each thrust.

"You bastard, how could you? How could you do this to us? I loved you more than I loved myself. There was nothing that I would not have done for you." 
Then as fast as the screaming and hitting began; It subsided and Robert pulled me into his chest, his strong arms circling me. Collapsing from the overwhelming pain inside I cried soaking the front of his shirt. I was to far gone to stop myself anyway so I held onto him. Maybe because I knew this was going to be the last time that I would be there and I wanted to hold onto my life for a moment longer or maybe it was because I knew that if I let go I was sure to hit the floor. 

 ( I guess that we don't really know why we do the things that we do when our heart is breaking, when everything that we ever believed in comes crumbling before our eyes. If your one of the lucky ones you are able to put the pain some where else, somewhere deep inside where you don't have to face it. Me, on the other hand was not one of those people, I felt the pain; It was real and it was unbearable.)

"Laura," Robert whispered as I laid in his arms, " I love you so much."

  Jolted back into reality by his words, I lifted my head and looked at Robert with agony and for that instant I hated him. The sight of him made me sick and I knew there was no other choice but to leave. I stood there in the middle of the living room with only the few shreds of dignity that I had left; The memories of what I thought was a fairytale marriage raced through my mind in one quick distorted vision. Only with this fairytale there wasn't going to be happy ever after. Feeling robbed of my life I spun back around and looked at Robert with disgust.

" I don't know how you can stand there and say that you love me so much and still do what you did. Cause let me tell you, if that's what love is then you can keep it. I don't want to be loved like that"

  Roberts frown deepened when I turned to walk towards the door. However before I made it he wounded his arms around me tightly.

"Please Laura, don't." He pleaded, "We can get through this! Just give me another chance."

  I felt him tremble, tears were running down his face, his grip becoming painfully tight, "Let me go Robert! Forcing myself from his grip, "I need to be by myself so that I can figure things out." And with a lump in my throat that threatened to choke me, I turned the door knob and walked out on life as I knew it.