The Writers' Circle

Mr. Williams squirmed nervously in his chair. As I looked on from the opposite side of the desk, wondering why I had been called down to the principals office. 

The beads of sweat that dampened his forehead, and the torn look written within his eyes. Told me that it was bad news. However, I couldn't fathom what I did to make him look this way. 

His hands were shaking as he removed his glasses. Rubbing his eyes, he attempted to compose himself. Yet, the tension that emitted from his body had me on the edge of my seat. He took a deep breath before replacing his glasses. 

"Serenity... I don't know how to tell you this." His somber voice added to my quiet stress. 

Smiling warily at him, I prompted him to continue. 

 "I just received a phone call from the airport. The plane your parents were on crashed when they reached Puerto Rico. One of the engines exploded..." Pausing he tried to will himself to say the rest. I was holding my breath in anticipation, as the tears began to cloud my eyes. "There are no survivors."

An excruciating scream erupted from my throat. 

As my heart ripped from my chest. Shattering into a million pieces.

Mr. Williams came around the desk, he placed his hand on my shoulder, "I'm so sorry, Serenity."

Except I couldn't hear his words. My eyes stung, as the tears rained down my face. 

The tiny office turned into a prison. I had to escape!

Pushing Mr. Williams away, I scrambled past his hands; as he tried to stop me. 

I leaped for the door. It slammed against the wall as I burst into the hall. 

The bell was ringing.

A sea of teenagers flooded the hallway surrounding me, all their eyes turned in my direction. 

But I couldn't see them. They were just a crowd of faceless people, pressing in on me. 

The only thing I could see were my parent's faces.

Racing through the hall, I ran towards the parking lot. 

The tears blurred my vision. Slamming into a statuesque cheerleader; I knocked her down. The girl's books scattered across the corridor.

Her voice was laced with venom as she spat, "You're going to pay for that, you freak!"

But I didn't even pause, I just kept running. 

When I made it outside, the Florida sunshine blinded me. Making me shade my eyes as I ran through the aisles. Finally reaching my car, I fumbled with the keys, trying to get them in the door. 

That is when Mr. Williams caught up to me. 

"I can't allow you to drive, in the state that you're in."  He said this, in an authoritative tone. As he turned me around, taking the keys from my hand. 

 But, I couldn't deal with him touching me. Backing away from him, I slammed against my car. 

At last the shock hit me. My body trembled violently, as it withered to the ground. I pulled my legs to my chest, as my world came crashing down. All I could do was cry. Thinking, this can't be happening! Why is this happening?!

As I laid there on the hot asphalt, time stopped. The world turned black before my eyes. 

Mr. Williams stayed with me. When my tear ducts ran dry, he asked, "Is there any family you can call?"

I nodded once, not sure if my voice would even work. He helped me up, escorting me back to his office. I staggered through the hallway; under the mountain of grief and guilt that tried to obliterate me from this Earth. 

We entered the office, and I had to call my only living relatives. Striving to find my voice, I told Aunt Angie the horrible news. I'm not sure how she understood anything that came out of my mouth. To me, it sounded like a squeal. 

Afterwards, Mr. Williams had to call Mrs. Steele, the neighbor I was staying with, to come pick me up. 

Curling up into a ball in the office chair. I was haunted by the fleeting images, of my parent's smiling faces. 

Tormented by the last moment I shared with them. Recalling my father pulling my mother from the death grip she had around me, before they boarded the plane. 

It reminded me of the selfishness I took part in, making them go sooner. Instead of when they planned. 

When Mrs. Steele arrived, I leaped into her arms. Fresh tears spilling over. Her daughter Sarah was called from class to drive my car back to their house.

For three days, I stayed locked away in Mrs. Steele's guest room. Refusing to come out. My soul died in that room. 

Until Aunt Angie's husband, Jason Philip, made it to Brandon. 

Uncle Jp and I moved into a hotel. I couldn't bear to go back to my house, and the memories that lurked within. 

He took care of all the legal work: transferring guardianship (which was already drawn up, but I was too depressed to notice), putting the house up for sale, and selling my car to a dealership.

 I didn't care; nothing mattered anymore.

I was allowed to graduate early, under the circumstances. I was going to miss, walking in my graduation ceremony. It had once been my life's importance, now it only seemed childish and petty. 
 
My parent's bodies were recovered. But they were too badly damaged, to have an open casket wake. Uncle Jp took care of the wake arrangements. We would hold the true funeral service, the spreading of their ashes. Once we moved back to my aunt and uncle's farm in Elkmont, Tennessee. 

Uncle Jp stayed busy, as I remained held up in the cramp hotel room. Only allowing the darkness of my grief to consume me, whenever he was away. Before replacing the mask I wore while in his presence. 

The morning of the wake, I stumbled into the bathroom trying to escape, my uncle's sorrow ridden eyes. 

I understood his loss. He and my father were closer than brothers. But that didn't mean I could take the intensity that burned within his eyes.

It was hard enough to lock away my pain, and keep the mask up without seeing it reflected on his face.

My hand shook, as I picked up my toothbrush. I attempted to shrug off the grief of my uncle's stare. But my stomach flopped uneasily, at the realization of what the day held. I couldn't even get the toothpaste's cap off. Before the vomit burned my throat, and I scrambled for the toilet. Thankfully, I made it in time, and didn't miss.

Sitting back on the cool tile of the green pastel, painted bathroom. I groaned, at the sight of the color. It made my stomach constrict again. 

	 "Are you, all right?" Uncle Jp asked, banging on the door.
	
	I sighed, silently cursing the paper thin walls. Wishing I could have some privacy to compose myself. 

I wiped my mouth with a piece of toilet paper, before replying, "No, I'm fine. I'll be ready in a minute."

I could hear him hovering, on the other side of the locked door. 

 	"I'll be outside. Whenever you're ready to go." He didn't stay for an answer. Instead, I heard him leave the hotel room.

I sat there on the floor, breathing in deeply. Attempting to find the strength to hold up my facade, and seal any cracks in it; that may be showing. Trying to prepare myself for what must be done.

After a few minutes, I lugged myself off the floor. Staggering a little to the sink. I unscrewed the cap off the toothpaste, and quickly brushed my teeth. Then I changed into the plain black dress that hung on the back of the door. The loose dress slimmed my curves. I slipped on my shoes, before turning around.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. What I found there matched the ugliness, I felt inside. 

 My wide slanted eyes had dark circles under them, from all the sleepless nights. They were puffy and bloodshot, from all the crying. The golden brown outer ring of my iris was clouded. While the red veins, deepened the inner dark brown ring that encircled my pupils.

My skin was covered in blotchy patches, it made my tan complexion pale. The color made my crooked nose stand out, emphasizing that it didn't know which way to go. My larger bottom lip, swallowed my upper one; as it was pulled down in a constant frown. The expression made my small chin, look smaller. 

The living dead parlor of my skin, made my natural two toned hair, resemble my eyes. The top half of my hair, the medium chestnut tone, dulled. While the raven black hair underneath brightened against it.

My body's natural oddities, labeled me an outsider among my peers. And the way I looked now, made me an outcast from the living. My charred soul left wandering in limbo.

I didn't like seeing my reflection; I don't deserve one. 

To me, a reflection is reserved for the living. And I died along with my parent's in that plane crash. 

I looked away from the mirror, finger combing my long hair. Before I turned around, unable to keep Uncle Jp waiting any longer. My feet dragged against the carpet, as I exited the hotel room. Heading outside, I got into the car. 

We drove silently to the funeral home. When we arrived, the parking lot was full. I grimaced, as we past the entrance and the mourners. My uncle parked the car; I paused as the anxiety churned within my stomach. 

 "It'll be, okay. We can leave if it becomes too much." He said this in a soothing voice, as he turned to me.

I couldn't answer him, I didn't know what to say. All I wanted to do was to be strong, and to not be a burden.

I nodded my head once before stepping out the car. Ready to get this over with, and exile myself to the lonely existence I merited.

Uncle Jp got out, and he came around the car to where I stood, holding out his arm. I took it, silently thanking him for his quiet support. He led me past the grieving on lookers, and into the funeral home. 

I kept my gaze down, determined on staring at the floor. 

But it didn't matter, we stood out among the crowd. As if big bird was standing in the room. 

My uncle's broad body towered over the mourners, that walked to and from where the viewing was being held.

His Cherokee features, darkened in the pale grey suit. His brown eyes turned almost black against the shade. 

His long black hair was pulled away from his face, held in a loose ponytail. The sharp lines of his face, deepened his brown skin tone. 

He stood there, next to me, proud to be honoring his older cousin. And his wife's half sister. Ready to welcome anyone who offered their condolences.

I envied the strength he exuded. But I knew I could not rise to his level.

As the first mourners stepped forward, I slinked back behind Uncle Jp. Thankfully, unnoticed.

But, I wasn't able to block out their voices, as they offered their regrets. Their words swirled around my mind like a thick haze.

The constant opening and closing of the viewing room door, made me flinch every time it slammed. I watched, as a group came out the room. They were all dressed in navy blue suits. I realized that they were my father's flight crew. 

As the first group moved away, the crew advanced. I closed my eyes praying that I would turn invisible. They all stepped up, one by one, shaking my uncle's hand. Each praised, how great a person my father was. And how much he would be missed. 

The tears burned my eyes; I tried to blink them away before they spilled over. The last crew member stepped back. 

I sighed, grateful that I had not been noticed. But my father's co-pilot, Greg Harper, stepped around my uncle.

His eye's were filled with tears, as he took my hands. His voice wavered, when he said, "Your father was the best among us. We are so sorry for your loss. He will be truly missed."

Incapable of listening to anymore condolences, I yanked my hands from his. Disregarding the look I received from my uncle, I quickly retreated from the room. . 

When I burst through the front entrance of the funeral home, I spotted Mrs. Steele and Sarah walking up the steps. Turning, I prepared to bolt the other way. 

 "Oh, Serenity! There you are."  Mrs. Steele's voice rang out.

I froze. Hating myself for not escaping, when I had the chance. 

	I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. As I struggled to uphold my shield. All it wanted to do was come crumbling down. 

Collecting myself, I opened my eyes before turning around.

I waved slightly. Realizing that if I spoke, they would see what kind of darkness, had it's strangle hold around me. And that was something, I didn't want anyone to see.

They smiled at me, but it didn't reach their eyes. Mrs. Steele stepped forward with her arms open. As she embraced me, I tried not to flinch away. She squeezed me tight, saying, "We've been so worried about you."

I held my breath, attempting to strengthen my voice. 

"I'm okay. There is no reason to worry." I lied. Despite the fact that I am a terrible liar. I hoped they wouldn't hear the difference.

Mrs. Steele released me. I took a step back; making sure, I was out of her reach.

She looked me up and down; I stared at the ground. 

"Well, I will give you two a moment." Mrs. Steele said, before heading inside the funeral home. 

I could feel Sarah's eyes on me, but neither of us knew what to say. 

She sighed, which made me look up. 

The pity I found in her hazel eyes, made me flinch away. Her eyes widened in response. 

I averted my gaze, unable to look at my only friend. 

"So, when are you leaving?" She was the one, that broke the awkward silence.

"In two days." I mumbled, not wanting to say good bye. But knowing that there was nothing left for me here.

I looked up in time to see her head fall, as she looked down. 

"What am I supposed to do without you?" She asked meekly.

Sarah was as much of an outcast, as myself. That was what brought us together. We've been best friend since junior high.

I looked away, as new tears burned my eyes. 

"I don't know. I don't want to say good bye." Was all, I could say.

She looked up at me, the same tears clouded her eyes. We embraced, before muttering promises that we would see each other again. We both were unable to accept a true good bye.

	While Sarah went inside, to find her mother. 

I slipped around the side of the building. Spying an old oak tree, with low hanging limbs, at the far corner of the lot. I sprinted over to it. Climbing up, I sought sanctuary among it's branches. 

I stayed there hidden by the thick veil of moss; waiting for the wake service to end.

I watched, as one by one the mourners departed. Finally, Uncle Jp came out the funeral home. He carried the urn that held my parent's ashes.

I climbed down the tree, walking over to where he was. 

He didn't comment on my rudeness, or vanishing act. He just led me back to the car. Handing me, the urn once we were in. 

I couldn't stand to hold the container, as my burnt soul longed to be inside. I placed it by my feet. Not wanting to touch it, but unable to have it far from reach.

The next day, I stood outside the shell of my former life. Attempting to muster the courage to go within, and pack away the memories. 

Uncle Jp walked past, as he loaded the boxes into the car. He paused, looking me over, before continuing on with the task at hand. 

I took a deep breath, grabbing an arm load of boxes. I entered the house, and headed straight upstairs to my room. 

The house felt hollow, the warmth that once vibrated through the halls was now gone. Leaving nothing, but a bone chilling atmosphere. 

I made it to my room; my hand shook as I turned the knob on the door. The hinges creaked, as it swung open. I held my breath, before rushing inside. 

I dropped the boxes on my bed, picking one up. Folding it, I quickly filled it with the first clothes I could grab from the closet. Doing the same, with the next two boxes, I ransacked my dresser.

I didn't care, what I took. There wasn't anything significant enough for me to miss. 

I filled the fourth box with my dvds. Taking the last box to my book shelf, I quickly snatched what I could off them. I grabbed my I-pod and laptop, placing them in one of the boxes of clothes. 

No longer able to stand being in the house, I began toting the heavier boxes downstairs. I put them in the car, before running back inside to get my clothes.

I finished packing away, what was left of my life. I stood next to the car, ready to drive off into the sunset. And escape the dark memories of my once happy existence. 

I stood there taking one last look at my home. Uncle Jp walked over to me, his large hand covered my shoulder, I looked up at him. Fighting to keep the tears at bay. He stared down at me for a moment, before heading to the driver side and getting into the car. 

I sighed, turning around I got into the packed car. As Uncle Jp drove down the street, I glanced over my shoulder watching my past fade away in the distance. Embarking on the next solemn chapter of my life.