The Writers' Circle

I want you to listen to me, because there is something that I need to tell you.
I suppose that I should of told you before, but you're old enough now to make your own decisions, and it is better that you hear this from me rather than from someone else.
I want to give you a couple of pieces of advice. And if you heed them well, they will keep you in good stead for the rest of your life. So listen carefully.

Never, ever, let anyone talk you into employing an elephant.
No doubt you may have heard other people saying that elephants are cool, or hip, or groovy or whatever the current word for fashionable is, but don't believe them. There have been more lies told about elephants than anything else.
For example: You may have heard the phrase "Elephants never forget". This is not only untrue, but the exact opposite of what is the case. Elephants are always forgetting things. Why do you think that they are all called Jumbo?
No, I know that there was one called Dumbo, but that was a typing error, and it wasn't a real elephant, it was a cartoon one. So it doesn't count.
They are all called Jumbo because none of them can remember each other's names, and rather than have an embarrassing encounter with another elephant that they may have gone to school with, who's name they have forgotten, they all use the same one. That is how forgetful they are. Next time that you see one, ask it what it's post-code is. I can guarantee you that it would have forgotten.
Not that you are likely to come across an elephant as they are notoriously shy creatures. If you do see one, it will probably be trying to hide behind a coffee table or a standard lamp in a pathetic attempt to make itself inconspicuous.
Admittedly, it is quite difficult for elephants to hide. And the bigger ones tend to live in the kitchen cupboards of the biggest houses as the cupboards are bigger than the ones we have. The little ones however. The ones that are about the size of a cat. They will normally live under your bed, and cover themselves with fluff so that you can't see them.

Of course all elephants are nocturnal. And when you are asleep, they creep out and raid the fridge for food. They have a very sweet tooth. Which is the reason why the ice cream cone that you were saving disappeared before you could get to it.

You are probably asking yourself why little elephants would chose to live under your bed, when there are so many other places they could live. Wolverhampton for example.
Well, you may have been told at school that elephants come from warm climates.
This is about the only true thing ever said about elephants. As a result they do feel the cold quite badly. Particularly on their trunks - You know how your nose feels cold in the winter, - well it is the same for elephants, and as your bedroom is nice and warm most of the time, it is an ideal place for them to stay.
On some nights when they are feeling a bit chilly, after they have returned from raiding the fridge, they will occasionally steal a sock from your drawer to wear over their trunks. Of course when they take them off they forget where they have put them, and so the next time they are cold they will pinch another one from you.
Which brings me to my second piece of advise for you. When you are getting dressed in the morning and can't find both socks. Try looking under the bed!