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Gun

By audreyhepburn | Posted: 26 March 2010

Views: 337
Hi guys!  I wrote this while I was at an in-between time, when I didn't have my novel with me but felt the urge to write.  Please tell me if you  think it needs work!
Audrey
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    A bullet shoots across the battlefield.  It kills yet another soldier.  Not me.  Yet.  

    I have been fighting in this stupid war for 2 months.  Already, my friends, people who I grew up with, have been shot, blood stains making their way across the itchy uniform they make us wear. Strangers, friends, now it does not matter to me, because they are gone.  Gone, dead, and never will come back.  

    I know why we are fighting, but I don't know why.  Why do they make us sacrifice our lives just to take away the hopes, dreams, and lives of others?  Why should we kill them, just because we are on different "sides"? Why can't we settle this peacefully, like the men that we are?  Why should we transform ourselves into savage beasts, just wanting to kill, kill, kill?

    Every day it gets worse.  Less food, less water, less lives to be taken.  Maybe it is best that we are all going to be dead soon.  Being dead would be better than trying to remember all of these things at once.  Duck.  Shoot.  Dodge!  Watch out!  they tell us.  More often than not, someone forgets to dodge and the bullet lodges itself in, and the body goes limp.  Who knew that a bullet could mean so much, could take so much away.  

    The other day, my friend Sam was walking to our trench.  An enemy soldier shot him before he could get there.  We just lumped his body onto the pile of other dead bodies, and moved on.  That's what we've had to learn.  It is so difficult, not like back home where everyone in town came for the funeral.  Now it just gets buried, and forgotten. 

    But that's the essence of war, isn't it? Kill, kill, kill, and move on.
All articles on this website by audreyhepburn are copyright ©audreyhepburn and should not be reproduced without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.
Comments 
audreyhepburn
26 March 2010
Hello!

Thanks for your opinion.  In the line that confused you, I was trying to get at the fast that there is a reason behind conflict, but sometimes it is hard to see the reason behind the reason.  Do you get my drift?
Audrey
churchmouse
27 March 2010
Hi Audrey, Nice well written piece. No problems with the english, although I would suggest that you change tent to trench or dugout as within small arms range of the enemy, soldiers would be unlikely to pitch tents.
Good to see you back.
audreyhepburn
27 March 2010
Thank you for pointing that out, churchmouse!  I wrote the piece quickly and relied on what I already knew about life in the war, but must have overlooked that.  Thanks again!

Audrey
m n m n I
27 March 2010
I like this piece
It's about a soldier questioning
It's not about fear
It's about the relevance of war
It's about the gun breathing life to a lifeless bullet to take a life

I like the first line 
It packs impact
I think it would pack more impact if you just say
< A bullet shoots across the battlefield. Another soldier killed. Not me. Not yet. >
It establishes the rhythm of battle and the story
Overall, I like the rhythm.

m n m n I
Keiron
28 March 2010
This piece is short on words but really shoots from the hip! 
I like the mixed sense of fear and questioning and disbelief you entrench within your soldier's mind. The sense of loss and the almighty cost of war is here laid bare and also tragically all-too-late it seems, for this young soldier. 
Love the motivation for your penning this - simply written out of an urge to write. 
Good stuff!
audreyhepburn
29 March 2010
Thanks for the suggestion!

Audrey
very dark but its very good. 
wolfy
lastleftstanding23
19 July 2011

you're very talented audrey. this would be a good movie too :) i can hear the charater having thought monologe while on the battlefield. nicely done.

Writer
audreyhepburn

Total posts:
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Roles: Writer
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I am a 13-year-old and I write for everyone, kids and adults alike; my dream is to win a world-wide literary award. Please comment on my writing; I like to know what people think. I really appreciate constructive ... (Read more)
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