The Writers' Circle

Hi John's the name, had a crappy day yesterday, crook as a dog I was, threw me gut's up all  day,  I hate  pizza.
Yeah I know I'm supposed to like it I'm young, but seriously
She will insist on giving me the wog food, salami sandwiches it was last night. Doesn't she know I am a growing boy, and I gotta like, like think of me sex life.
Even at this age I get little stiffy's they last all day, and it hurts like hell when I roll over onto it and falloff, bang aagghh  shit! But what's a bloke to  do  what to drink and what to  screw, that's another thing ,she will keep playing mental as anything,she,s the only thing mental at our place.
Got a brother, BASTARD,keeps punching me, and I'm too small to defend me-self, besides I can't reach.
Yeah like, I know I swear a lot for a kid but that's the old fellas fault,yer know  twelfth  generation Aussie or some such bullshit. Not even me aboriginal mates are that old, they get called foetal,dunno why?
Bored, bored, might go and sleep upside down in me bed, I usually fall asleep  that way.
Think I got asmaaa, at least that's what the old fella keeps telling me gran. They never ask me, besides me stiffy gives me 
more gipp.
Going to the doctors ,AGAIN,tomorrow, another check up, she's drop dead geourgeous,but asks mum more questions than me. "How are you feeling Mrs  Barththolomew?  Are you sleeping well"? Christ it's my check up.
Oh yeah that's me name Bartholmew,no not like Bart,it,s my Surname. My first name, or Christian name, so I am told, is Simon. How come I don't get to pick my own religion?
If I did I would start me own up, wonder how old you have to be to do that,I,d call  it, the  sect of  Nintendo! How cool's that.
How come the other kids say everything's cool all the time, cause clearly if it's cool its good and, got to be hot, so how can it be cool, and hot at the same time, DUMB.
I won't grow into a normal kid; it's boring, not cool at all, how hot is that.
This life stuff  don't come easy I can see that, so I might make them wait  another  three or maybe four weeks I think, haven't decided yet.
Besides there's NO WAY  I will ever fit through an opening that  size. 
I reckon birth sucks, not cool at all,bugger it's hot in here, must be  T.V  aerobics again,I,m going to be sick.
                        SIMON   BARTHOLOMEW,0/0/0