The Writers' Circle

CAPTION: LONDON 1940

An office, windows crossed with blast tape. Background sound-over of a bombing raid. An obviously senior RAF officer - Wing Commander Blimp (WCB) is sat behind a desk littered with files. There is a knock on the office door.

WCB: "Come in"

***A dishevelled RAF fighter pilot in full flying gear enters and salutes***

WCB: "Ah, Findley isn't it"

FINDLEY: "Yes sir"

WCB: "You know why you have been called here I suppose"

FINDLEY: "Medals sir?"

WCB: "No not medals. It's your annual career assessment interview"

FINDLEY: "Career assessment sir?"

WCB: "That's right. Now I see from your file that your shooting down of German bombers is very good. In fact, you have exceeded your target quota by over 200%. All very creditable, and well done for that, but I also notice that you haven't shot down any Japanese. Could you explain why that is?"

FINDLEY: "Japanese sir?"

WCB: "Yes Japanese. We're not just at war with the Germans you know, there's the Japanese to consider as well"

FINDLEY: "But the Japanese aren't bombing London sir"

WCB: "That's hardly the point now is it. We can't have you hogging all the Germans to yourself and ignoring the Japs can we. It starts to dilute the fairness of the whole thing"

FINDLEY: But the nearest Japanese aircraft is four thousand miles away sir!"

WCB: " Don't try to be clever with me. I was filling in requisition forms for Sopwith camel instruction manuals before you were out of short trousers. I have also noticed that you haven't filled in your career aspiration form. Honestly, you pilots are all the same. Rogers hasn't returned his either. He's in your squadron isn't he?"

FINDLEY: "I'm afraid that Rogers was shot down on Monday sir"

WCB: "Are you sure?"

FINDLEY: "Yes sir, down in flames, a complete goner I'm afraid. I saw it happen"

WCB: "Oh dear, that's terrible. He didn't give you his career aspiration form before he died did he?"

FINDLEY: "I'm afraid not sir"

WCB: "Pity. That's going to make things terribly complicated..........Anyway, have you brought your form with you?"

FINDLEY: "Well no sir, you see I've been frightfully busy, what with shooting down German bombers and everything"

WCB: "Really, you people are the absolute limit. (Glares) It's a good job that I have a spare form here"

***WCB produces a file the size of a telephone directory and hands it over to Findley***

WCB: "Now take that outside and fill it in, and when you've finished, hand it over to Miss Pigsworthy in reception"

FINDLEY: "But shouldn't I be flying my Spitfire and shooting down the enemy sir?"

WCB: "Look here young man, shooting down the enemy and saving the country from invasion may seem very important to you, but us senior managers have to take a much broader view, and if all of the records aren't in order then we would all be in a right old mess. Now do as you're told and go and fill the form in, and when you leave send the next man in"

***Findley turns and dejectedly leaves the office. A slight pause during which the sound of a near miss is heard, and dust falls from the ceiling, followed by another knock on the door.***

WCB: "Come in"

***A japanese airman in full flying gear enters, salutes, and bows before the Wing Commander.***

WCB: "Ah, Onishi isn't it"

ONISHI: "Ah ress, ring commander san"     (Bows again)

WCB: "Yes, now I know that this is all a bit irregular, but Commander Sugiyama is away on paternity leave and we have agreed to cover for him in his absence. Now I see from your file that although you have exceeded your bombing target quota for Rangoon and Manchuria, you haven't bombed England yet. Can you give me a reason for that?"

***Onishi turns to camera and pulls an exasperated face***