I thought I had the flu
turns out I'm merely addicted to you
again.
I never realised it had become a regular thing
again.
The pain, the pain makes me so aware of my body;
every muscle is sore,
every part of me screaming to
TAKE MORE,
so that is what I do.
But only when the pain has become too much.
This liver, this stomach, this brain, this heart:
I do care for them, I really do; in fact I care so much
that I'm half-wishing I could go back to the start
and be a helpless baby with no inclination to take pills,
much less buy them or open the fucking packet!
And, like a baby, I must now wean myself;
become sober and painfree once more,
putting those pills back on the shelf
for another time, perhaps.