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Fathers Wish

By RobanLtil | Posted: 01 December 2008

Views: 289
The task is done, no more long to breathe.
A hearing to come,
One child's future decided within.
Is it wrong to be taken away,
The chance to grow with kin,
His own in blood and life, carved out in skin.
No more as one, forced to reside,
Alone in the black, solitary.

The change has come, to make a choice,
To flee with young,
Or ride the storm for eons,
Never free to rejoice and clamped at the tongue.
In the back with law, decisions made,
Keep them or send into their system ways.

The just prevails, good wins the day,
Rejoined one soul to live again.
All articles on this website by RobanLtil are copyright ©RobanLtil and should not be reproduced without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.
Comments 
Carl
03 December 2008
There are a few places you could improve this (I feel). A couple are probably just typos.

The task is done, no more longing to breath.

One child's future decided.

Alone in black solitude - or - Alone in the dark, solitary.

In the back with law (Don't get this part - The back of what?)

It wouldn't take much to tweek your poem to make it pretty good!
RobanLtil
03 December 2008
I see what you mean Carl, thanks for pointing them out. I've always had a problem noticing spelling mistakes and typos on my own work.

As for 'In the back with law'. It means in the back of the court, with the lawyers and judge, where the decisions are made.

Thanks for the comments Carl, they are most welcome.

Writer
RobanLtil

Total posts:
13
Roles: Writer
Birmingham, UNITED KINGDOM
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