“NO, PLEASE NO!”
I woke up with sweat dripping down from my fringe and tears’ streaming down my face, my long hair was wrapped round my face and the feeling of fear and sadness still gripping my insides like ice. The dream scene running vividly through my head again and again, I sat up and looked around, it was much lighter than I thought it would be, sunlight was creeping through my curtains like darkness was creeping into my mind so I automatically looked at the clock, it was 2 .I was going to be late. I climbed out of bed with my long white night-gown trailing around me and that combined with my face made me look like some kind of ghost. I went into the bathroom, my eyes were still red raw and painful and I could hear his voice running through my head again and again, the same words tearing at my mind. The only way to make it stop was to stick my head in a sink full of icy cold water, I left it there a little longer than I should have, and the water was peaceful, unlike my world so that when I surfaced I was gulping for air, renewed tears running down my face again. The door bell rang and I ran downstairs, opened the door and there he was standing just like in my dream, “Sleep well ? ”.
“I Miss u Loads”
I sat with my head in my hands, tears running down my face onto my trousers, leaving a dark stain in their wake. I turned away from the rest of the class, who were busy working hard on their drama; my own group were working on makeup and costumes so no-one was worried about me. I sat on my own in the corner curled up in a ball, the feeling of lose welling up inside me making me feel hollow , my phone clutched tightly in my hand as if it was some kind of lifeline. He can’t come. New tears joined the now black mark on my trousers and my eyes began to sting, I rubbed my sleeve past my eyes as the teacher comes over to me, “I’m fine Miss, don’t worry”. She gives up and walks away, I’m anything but fine, I feel like I’ve been abandoned. It hurts, the sadness actually hurts , but I'm not going to tell her that. Its not fair I told myself but it didn’t make it any better. I’ve got today to live through then tomorrow, the worst day of school I have this week which normally I’d live through and be happy because I had a reward afterwards but not this time. There’s no point in me being happy, no point in me trying, I don’t get any reward, just more fighting with my family, why bother . My face and eyes are now going red, Eillie comes over to talk to me, it ends with my leaving the room to sit in the loo for 20 minutes , more tears , more sadness but with someone who I can talk to this time , who knows, who understands. Only to return into class to shocked faces, I'm actually in tears, me. I'm pulled away from the class and the teacher talks to me, I tell her its school work, lies, I tell her its home life , lies , I tell her its too stressful, lies. I can’t tell her why, it’s pathetic, I'm pathetic. I just feel like every time I can’t see him, every time he’s too ill to come, that I'm losing him. That the one person who I actually try for, that I actually care about doesn’t care for me. My phone vibrates; it’s a reply to my text, “Same”.