The Writers' Circle

I enjoyed reading this.

You've got a few problems with punctuation, nothing major.

E.g. "His eyes flickered open, a small pool ..." should be "His eyes flickered open. A small pool ..."

Plus a few places where you've missed words out:

"Took him a moment ..." should be "It took him a moment ..."
"Blinked a couple of times ..." should be "He blinked a couple of times ..."

Plus you've used contractions outside of dialogue which you should replace. Not sure if it's a golden rule or not! E.g. "could've sworn" should be "could have sworn".

Also I wasn't keen on "like an animated teacher trying to inspire a class". I think if you replace it all with "animatedly" or something like that it may read better.

Finally I think you might want to rewrite the "The four of us are charged with ..." paragraph because they don't sound imperious enough. They sound a bit like sales reps. or something: a bit like Zulu covers Scunthorpe and Legna covers Blackpool :D

All these are only small details! I enjoyed your work.

I have critiqued your work as follows -

[First impressions]
I found your work interesting and believable
The beginning was interesting enough. I didn't really feel a rythmn develop in the part that was posted. I feel like after two pages I know too much about the story, and it takes away from building suspense and interest in the conflict.
[Beginning]
Not really. I feel that if the author took a little more time in introducing the character to the situation, I might be more enclined to read further. I feel they just kind of jumped into the meat of the story without giving the reader time to develop any interest.
[Plot]
I thought your plot was good, exciting and distinguishable and had a central theme
I think you have a good basic plot. I hope that you will go back to the opening pages and really set a tone for how you plan to move the story forward.
[Characters]
Your characters jumped off the page at me and attracted my attention
Your physical descriptions were very good. I think that you should take a good deal of time to develop descriptions of their mannerisms as they interact with one another. How does she sound? Does she have an accent? Did she seem foreign? Was she graceful? Nervous? Did she seem rushed?
[Dialogue]
Unfortunately, your dialogue was sometimes irrelevant
I could sense real conflict, attitudes and intentions from the dialogue
The dialog was good. Like I said before, it just seemed a little rushed. Too much, too soon. Scale it back and draw it out a little.
[Viewpoint]
There was more than one person's view in a given chapter
[Pruning and polishing]
There was too much dialogue where specific details would have made a greater impact
[Showing versus telling]
There were problems with showing versus telling
This is really important. I would rather see more of a narrative behind the characters than direct dialog in a scene like this. I tend to think in a scene like this, actions are definitely more important to establishing the character of each person in the scene. If she were talking to him while helping him up, and seeing to the cut or gash that he sustained--was she tender or efficient? Did she linger a little too long in touching him? That sort of thing gives you a sense of what her feelings are without coming right out and saying them.
[Overall comments]
You've got a really good premise. I would like to see more. I hope I can be of help in giving you an honest opinion of what I see.

Thanks for all your comments guys and taking the time to read my work. Thanks Ruby for being on the same wavelenght as me, the reason for her irritation is indeed the fact that he has been concussed so many times previously and she is way past fed up of explaining the whole thing to him.
I thought it was a different way of explaining a story, had what she said just been narrative then I completely agree that it would have just been needless bombarding of the reader. 
I do understand what you are saying with regards to it all being a bit quick for the start of a novel. With virtually all of the novels I have written the first thing I write never ends up as being the actual opening page. With this one I am already thinking that before this scene I'll have a scene on each of the Guardians, seperately going about their business, without making it clear exactly who or what they are. Then this scene could come in after that.
Carl with regards to a few missing words, sometimes I do that on purpose as a style type of thing, I believe over a longer piece the reader gets used to it and it helps set my own rhytmn.
Some people who have read it loved the 'like a teacher trying to inspire a class' line, so I think I'll keep that one in.
Thanks again all of you for your comments.

Thanks Ruby!!! I thought some people would like a fast paced start, thanks for backing that up! As you say there are several books out there that start like that, probably particularly modern books, so we can't be the only two that at least sometimes like to get right down to the action!