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A very feeling poem. Very good again. One very minor thing "He use to have" should be "He used to have". Also I was a bit confused by "That's not really, and the game: are out what I meant" -- should 'out' be 'ought'?
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Dear SouthernPoet,
I hope that this person will be able to be more optimistic of life and, like the dawn, be rejuvenated... :D
I´m a little confused by the last line of the first stanza "In front of you and me". Who are the you and me? The "you" would be the mirror, right?
As for the last stanza, "Image of two people", firstly, shouldn´t it be "images" and secondly, why are they "images" as one is an image and the other, real.
I do love your poem too!!!
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great work! i like this. especially 'After all, it's only there for looks
Not to answer, reasons why' That part is so true.
i think your punctuation is a bit off, you use commas too much. for example i think 'No matter, how hard that he tries He knows, it's sink or swim' should be 'No matter how hard he tries He knows it's sink or swim'. i think you use commas where you feel a new breath should be taken, or a pause taken, but you don't need a comma there to indicate that... i could be wrong, but i do think you could do without some of them.
good work though, and though you stick to a rhyming pattern, it doesnt sound forced, like so many rhyming poems seem to - your poem flows naturally. :)
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I think this poem is really good....in places it loses clarity..but its still good. :)
i particually like the penultimut stanza..(sorry for the bad spelling :P)
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cool work!!! :P
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Cool full of intense feelings well written.
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