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I really like your poem. I've often thought it's miraculous, but not impossible, that physical bodies exist, but both miraculous and impossible that minds can exist at all. I don't think I've explained that very well but I guess you know what I mean.
Twisting it on its head:
I
no longer
know me.
My mind
does not exist
without me.
My body
is in pieces.
I cannot find them.
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Your second stanza got me thinking...
My mind
does not exist
without me.
The problem with this thought is that it confuses... (I love it!) as what is the "me" at the end.
My body
is in pieces.
I cannot find them.
As for the third stanza, we can indeed find the pieces (hence it should not be "them" at the end), but we cannot find this entity called the "body" , so I feel that it should be:
My body
made from parts.
I cannot find it.
Haha! I am actually an "amateur" philosopher too.
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i like this. this kind of thinking and questioning goes on a LOT in my own mind!!! so its good to hear this kind of poetry coming from another person!
i particularly like the line 'do the pieces imply the whole?' its such a deep and difficult question!
for your first stanza i suggest -
Where is my soul (or 'spirit', you could use either)
I cannot find it.
Do the pieces imply the whole?
i suggest that becuase with your original first verse, 'where is my BODY i cannot find it' sounds, to me, strange.... since the body is physical and visible... instead, i would have used 'soul' or 'spirit' as these can be 'broken', like 'do the PIECES' implies...
and for your last stanza i suggest -
Where is the "Me"?
I thought I knew myself.
Now I know I never did.
i just dont like the way you have 'where is the I? I knew it so well', the way you have the two 'I's together... if you see what i mean. but, on second thoughts, if you used my suggestion the Me in it would sort of be repetitive...as the previous verse has 'me' in it also. anyway, its up to you. :) good luck.xx
p.s maybe this message is confusing...so if it is, sorry! i often confuse people, including myself! LOL
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Dear evakaye,
Thank you for you comments. However, I am approaching this poem from the Buddhist philosophical point of view, and the permanent non-changing soul or spirit does not exist - just a continuum of ever-changing consciousness.
"Body" was used as the body is a "man-made" word. It cannot be found as it is actually made up of different parts (e.g. arms, legs, torso...) and these again do not exist in their own right as they are made from more parts / pieces. (Hence you read of "emptiness" in Buddhist books.)
As for the last stanza, "I" was used as it is a noun. Many people assume that they know what "I" is - what they are - but do they?
Kemmy
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Sometimes, I ask the same questions...
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